it's yet to come

when i'm fully convinced the thing that i've been anticipating all this while will actually be in my hands today, it was a wait in vain.........

hmmmm, really am looking forward to it. just means i have to be patient a bit longer. just why don't you appear today, oh DHL??

it has been a long time since i last write in nihongo. i usually use the reason of having nihongo exam drawing near, only then i would be writing in nihongo. true, now in the middle of holiday, my usage of nihongo has significantly decreased. even last week was majorly filled with korean dramas.

oh my, should i work on my nihongo too on top of the abundance of other subject which homeworks ceaselessly haunt me. not like i have any real interest of tending to them in reality. it only worries the hell out of my head.

but today, i've made a little improvement! i actually void of oversleeping and i was doing math. that's quite a sursprise. thanks to my friend who invited me to her house so i could take a look on my real obligation for the first time since holiday started.

alhamdulillah.

though what was done along the 5 hours there was only 2 basic questions on diagonalization (do i translate this right from taishokuka?) i've already forgotten what the heck was that and as to how to get it. so i had to make the review from the beginning from the eigen value/vector and all. a tinge of satisfaction wass felt. but then the moment when i stop came real quick coz i didn't even go past question no 3 where symmetry matrix is concerned.

i'll do it later when my mood strikes again.

so then, may i continue my ramble on my fascination then? hehehe. actually, yesterday i was quite delighted when the lyrics of the song from their (you know who) newly-released album are all up on the net already. from their concert in budoukan, there included some of these new songs and like usual, to actually catch what ryuuta (as well as kazuki in one of the songs) is singing is a challenge i've yet to overcome. so, with the help of these lyrics, i thought i could at least get a clue of what they want to convey.

so, here's why i suddenly pop up the matter of nihongo earlier in this post.

ryuuta, just why u have to create such lyrics so hard for me to understand??

anyone could be bothered to be of help? hmmm, the following song caught my interest particularly

タイムカプセル (作詞：山村隆太　作曲：阪井一生)

この街はジオラマ　詰め込まれた箱の中
人と人はぶつかり痛んでく
傷つけるのが他人(ひと)？　それとも癒すのが他人(ひと)？
結局みんな答え探してる

絵文字のハートの数　信じて待ちぼうけた駅
掴めたと想う瞬間(とき)　すり抜ける

人はひとりじゃ　泣くことしかできないけど

胸焦がした　恋の終わりも
抱いた夢に破れそうなときも
ひとりじゃない　そう想えた
少年の誓いを詰め込んだ　カプセル

自分じゃなきゃダメなものが何かあるかと
覗き込む鏡に　書いてはない…けど
奏で合うギターで　わかりあったりハズしたり
おまえらしいって笑う仲間がいる

思い出し笑い　かみしめる幸せよ

喜びなら　きっと倍になって
大きな哀しみは半分に
夢は　それぞれだけど
肩組んであの日と同じ誓い　抱いて

あの晴れた日　木陰に埋めた
小さな銀のカプセルひとつ
今もずっとこれからも
繋ぐ変わらない想い

喜びなら　きっと倍になって
大きな哀しみは半分に
ひとりじゃない　そう想えた
少年の誓いをこの絆を　抱いて

the haunting homeworks

about one third of my holiday is already over

and i pretty wasted them away

ok, that was my fault by being occupied with drama and all

but then, when i surfed around my pal's blog, they just have to remind me with the homeworks

oh why??

following that list of hers, seems like i pretty much have like a mountain of them

-jouhou shori (the appalled c language and 5 sheets of them??)
-math (linear algebra and bibunsekibun i need to work out on coz i really suck)
-mechanics of material (yet to study much of it)
-physics report on oscilloscope jikken (need to be handed in the week the school opens but not even a single word are done)
-chemistry jikken report (on what i've already forgotten)
-and i also brought much books which i intended to work on but seems they still remain untouched

hohoho, feigning ignorance is sure a bliss


oh, and for this coming week is fully booked with other more interesting stuff, where should i sneak in these?



and today i experienced something that made me realized how tiny the world that i know of. amidst this whole world, the part within my understanding is just a speck from them all. despite that, i'm still idling away, continuing to be in the oblivion while knowing it just gonna cause me harm. this feeling of insecurity is really unsettling.

swayed in fantasy

can't escape the fact i'm a drama-addict.

truthfully, given the holiday, i staked out my eyes just to feed this insatiable obsession. it's a wonder how i can last watching drama continuously for hours but i can hardly last even for half an hour in my class.

oh, must be because there aren't any ikemen to be sighted in the latter case XP

or, the storyline never gets me bored throughout the whole of it. more like getting me jumpy from time to time.

oh, can never understand why a surreal topic such as love can make it so engrossing. not like i ever know how it actually takes its form in this real world. perhaps, it just triggers the curiosity that makes it so appealing.

or, simply because Satan keeps on whispering to continue being lulled in this fantasy.

that's more like it.

nevertheless, i can't deny creatures such as human can be so beautiful, so pleasing to the sight you can't take eyes of them. there also lies the wonder of the makeup world where almost everything can turn out perfect. must be hardwork for all those makeup artistes to reach that perfection. and the exploitation of this amazing side of humans contributes to the boom we have now where fandom equals to paradise.

i'm a healthy teenage girl with all the hormones flowing, that's why i can't help but to be among these flocks-those who find the opposite gender are attractive, especially the good-looking ones.

shifting a bit from my usual dose of japanese ones, recently i got caught with the ones from their neighboring country. indeed, korean dramas are quite lengthy but you just get stuck on it. what more i am the type of person who once start watching one, i'll continue till the end as soon as it is available. so, if the whole series are in my reach, i can finish watching it in such a short time as i tend to watch them non-stop.

i completed korean version of 'boys over flowers' extending to 25 episodes in just 3 days. and each episode is not less than 60 minutes long. following that, as they say "curiosity kills the cat", as silly as i am just trying to peek a look at another korean series which my sis recommended a lot, it then kills the next two days of mine. or more correctly, nights.

i've become nocturnal.

i'm perfectly killed by their charms and excellent actings. which also begins my wonder as to why these kind of stories just so appealing to the masses.

moving on to the thinking phase..... at last, the neurons got some work to do




oh yea, still got the homeworks to be done, oh my, just why the c language and the others continue to torment me even amidst this lovely break....

um, better hone my nihongo for the sake of my studies.... so, let's go on to the listening practice? XD

surprisingly...

the first monday of my holiday, and i didn't even oversleep!! when i proudly boasted that i would sleep all i want

tips of the day: in order to not miss your subuh prayer, b4 sleep make a du'a so that you would wake up, insyaallah you'll naturally wake up even without any external help....

and i'm still awake now

just that, after subuh this morning, i checked my dear notebook and finally the download for MW has finished! hehehehe


that explains the whole reasons my eyes are wide open this early morning

absolutely, i have to say, that's one incredible movie which story does not fail to excite me along watching it. in addition, the cast is so hot (here's the main plus point XP) and one difference i could notice in this movie compared to other japanese movies is that it fully utilizes the use of background music so it arouses ur interest from time to time and you'll constantly be caught in suspense. thank goodness it's decently less bloody than 'ninja assasin' i watched some time ago.

but still, they make a wise choice choosing hiroshi tamaki as the main cast, a cold-blooded murder without a sliver of mercy in his eyes. cruel but cool. XD

and how they wrapped up the story was really nicely-done too. he just can't stop looking so smart. can't escape getting the shivers though, he's one formidable character, makes you so scared while eagerly anticipating his next step when it has actually reached the end. nevertheless, the ending theme indeed fits perfectly as it resonates towards the end of the movie. i can clearly see why the song was selected, it just blends in the scene. though i've listened to the songs soo many times b4 (yeah, it's flumpool, tht's why) but listening to it with the movie sorta gives out a different vibe.

so happy i could finally watch it after waiting for so long^^

aaa, now my stomach nearly growls.....

p/s:another 2 days b4 the release ^O^

inconsistency

huhuhu, this would sound something so overly repeated, but yes, "so long, my blog"
as usual, so many times i wanted to update but it all ended in vain

so, should i just make a digest for the past week (and a bit b4 that)

recent goes up first, i just returned from my family retreat at malacca. or should i write 'melaka'? it's the same anyway. and to sum it up, it was quite enjoyable.

i got a new pair of 'sepatu' XD (actually wanted to write 'foot gear' but then sepatu popped out suddenly and it just sounds so interesting). so happy my pretty scholl won't be beaten up so fast with the presence of this new white pair of tough 'crocs' i got from pasar malam... XD

not to forget, a night walk at bandar melaka is so breathtaking. didn't expect so much people would still be on the streets on midnight (seriously midnight). no need to mention the traffic jam. urggh i hate this part of the trip. leaving that aside, it was nice. really wanted to try a ride on 'eye on malaysia' though. they said there are some gondolas with transparent floor. that would be extremely interesting!!

rewind a bit, it's finally the beginning of our holiday. wow! a 3-week-holiday? are you for real? in JAD?? yes, i'm serious, dead serious. so, what should i do to fill it to the fullest? hehehe
study? um, certainly, i brought back such a mount of books home...

and rewind a bit b4 that..... it was JAD DRAMA COMPETITION. it was FABULOUS!!! MARVELOUS!!! FANTASTICOUS!! hahaha, that's pretty honestly what i felt. little did i felt bitter for not making it at least at the 3rd place (that's my sole target all along, the chocolate hamper do more than enough to make me coveting it so much) coz everyone has given generally all their best. congratz to every each and everyone for turning it to be a huge success. i enjoyed it to the max at least.....

oh, and last week was the most sleepiest week that i could remember. to stay up for the night of the whole week was certainly expected but i really took the blow during the classes. sorry sensei for being such a sore-loser in using time beneficially and ended up fighting the deadline each and every time.


a bit of self-reflecting: i got a feeling i'm becoming a busy-body in some way, have i? ummm, now i'm hesitating to do what i had intended to do......


++i just couldn't stop getting excited over flumpool. while i'm currently being impatient enough for my copy of their new album to reach my hands, the news of the release of their single which song is also again the theme song for the new season of 'bloody monday' really caught me off-guard, i just have to say, the cover is awesome!! if only they would make him facing the sea instead, coz i just got a feeling it would be more (i can't find the word here) let's just say it would carry even more deeper meaning that way...


but then, all this long, i've been anticipating for their concert in budoukan to be in dvd, and they just have to make that come true!!! what more, for the special edition would be including their exclusive photobook! 5800yen/rm200++ out of my pocket?? can't deny this is just soo persuasive yet the money issue still.....

kacchatta~

currently, i'm so overwhelmed with delight, so happy and content

certainly, it's true in a sense when someone says shopping is a sort of therapy

it does make you feel so good

though the invisible guilt does linger and remain to lurk afterward

but still, to shop what u want(need), especially to spend the time on the process with others are so enjoyable

i could care less the tire and wear of my legs when we go round numerous shops and outlets. suddenly they got extra latent energy to keep moving on.

at the end of the day, i only got only 1 ringgit left in my wallet. yeah, didn't have much in the beginning after all. but still, as a mere student whose scholarship does not even worth much, to spend a lump rm200++ in one go is still a big deal, for me that is.

anyway, here i wanna extend my gratitude yet again to those two (yeah i know they won't ever read my crappy post here but just let me be) for taking the trouble of accompanying me and truly, i had fun today thanks to them. honestly it was quite awkward initially with the idea of going out of me the only girl and the two of them, guys. but it was not so bad. though i said i love shopping, due to financial restriction i rarely go in actuality. so, this once of a while occurrence really made me in bliss. so interesting to comment on others while they got indecisive to choose which to buy.

"just get all of that" -so easy to say, i'm loving it

but yes, shopping teaches you to be decisive. see, it's a form a learning after all. who said shopping is a waste of time?


oh, taking purikura is fun too ;D

chou baka

the above was the conclusion we made when we couldn't solve a question regarded by our sensei as chou kantan.

anyway, i totally went out of my way by writing here today, supposedly my droopy eyes have made that firm declaration i should already be on bed now, but still, to be glued to this notebook is like inevitable now. btw, for the past 2 days, my sleeping pattern was evidently destroyed. for the day b4 yesterday, i didn't even get a wink during the night and the following night i slept straight after maghrib only to wake up in confusion past midnight. and continue being awake since.

the obvious result : a very bad sleeping in class, worse than usual.

and i'm afraid i'm gonna repeat that for tomorrow. it just seems like so


anyhow, i could just say i'm plainly irritated at the moment. a sudden dread for the coming of tomorrow comes over...


and also re-realize how dreadful the C-language were u not to put any interest in it, at all.
well, i could see my interest all go the Jdrama alone.

and i just watched one whole series Celeb to Binbo Taro in just 2 nights.
and further listening practice for today, i was exhilarated to find so much direct download links for my obsession.

the result : amidst the rush to memorize the script for my presentation, i spent my time watching a movie. the one starring kubodzuka yousuke whose voice i find so mesmerizing. thanks to the character he brought that of a mentally altered boy, the slow and one-by-one words that he said are easily understood by me who forgot to download the subtitle. and he's just too adorable to look at.

anyway, yesterday's presentation went all right, i guess, though i can't help laughing midway when my friend suddenly laugh. i just hope thye could understand all those, i think i spoke too fast for anyone to comprehend but glad i succeed in racing against time, i made it b4 the time limit.

the moral of the story : preparation is very important, don't do it just the night b4 u have a presentation, what more if u got only so limited a time.

maa ii ka

it certainly was not all sweet memory during yesterday's exam..

i admit it, i'm not that proficient enough to find that easy, no sweat, for next year, i always can try harder..

maa ii ka (just wanted to repeat the title :P)

anyway, what goes into spotlight is what happened next

definitely that compensates all the disappointments due to the exam

we had a really fun time!!

i never had a steamboat hangout with friends b4 so i could say this was my first

and thanks to all of them, it was so enjoyable and the 2 hours definitely do not go to waste, and also the amount each head had to pay were perfectly worth every cent(reminded me they haven't paid me back yet)

coz it was a buffet, just imagine how i stuffed myself up amidst the talking, chatting and laughters that we constantly had. aaah, the prawns, squids, crabs, all my beloved seafoods (sorry those who's seafood allergy, but it was just so damn good) and also the dessert that followed afterwards. it was fun to tease ryota with the chocolate. when i thought there is no one who escapes in loving chocolate.

and from that dinner, we found out each other's likes and dislikes. gosh, yu made me eat the brinjal/eggplant/aubergine whatever u want to call it. definitely, that won't be the vege of my choice. well, that was after i put the shiitake inside his bowl. hahaha. and ryota was nice enough not to bring me the orange juice once i said don't bring that (seriously thought he would). so i was nice enough after that not to put prawn into hirai's bowl. he seems to hate that a lot it would be fun to see his face were i to put it in :P

but everyone other than yu loves mushrooms. nyumnyum


so, once it's over, to walk back to our place was truly a challenge with such a full stomach.

anyway, thanx huda for the idea (initially this was to be the celebration of my bday which eventually turned out to be the consolation for 2kyuu exam). thanx kinta being along and also for the present i just received yesterday. thanx my big sis for paying in advance to cover the part i'm short. and thanx to ryota, daiki and yu for joining in the crowd, it was much livelier with you guys there.


and as usual, so bad that my camera was gone with the wind or else there would more pix to perpetuate the moments

iyoiyo

so, it's tomorrow huh?

yea, for us, it's quite a big thing, the japanese language proficiency test. so, i'm praying all of us could make it safe thru this ordeal. ummm, it'll be a wonderful thing be everyone of us pass this year.

i'm hoping for that.

and today, despite having a compulsory gamelan practice, i opt returning home. i do have reason - family matter-a wedding of a relative of mine (which i barely remember who). i'm sorry to myself if giving such a stupid-ass reason to slack off made me worse as a person, but just let it be. i haven't been home since... a week ago. :P

more about today, we kinda have a rare bro&sis hangout :P. we went to alamanda to watch ninja assasin.

my review : not much substance in the story while the actions do take ur breath away or orally extract the liquids from inside were u weak towards super bloody scene.

to change the subject, for i haven't updated for the last few days, actually quite a lot of significant things occurred. umm, what can i say here is i'm so grateful to the people around me. they've made me happy, so happy and delighted. i love them all!!

but now, for some particular reason, my guilty-conscience seems to win over. gotta do something to fix this... ok, i'll let my complex brain do the thinking


and now looking forward to tomorrow~~~~~~~~ yea, gonna eat all i want!!

to be caught by surprise

basically, it's all quite as stated up there.

hurmmm, i really should extend my gratitude to all those people (though i doubt they would ever read this post)

as a food-lover, i was greatly pleased with the doughnut treat they prepared yesterday. and it was so chocolatey. i luv my housemates, they know me too well!

and today, amidst the rush (or was it me who really takes my time in doing everything), i was purely at a loss for words when a box of cake was handed to me when i least expected it. even the giver shows no particular expression for the event, like he was only giving me an eraser or something.

i was like "what?"

in such event, you can only smile or laugh at the least.

ryouta-kun, hirai-kun, hontouni arigatou!!!
and the others who were along celebrating the occasion despite being disrupted in the middle of your respective works, hontouni arigatou!!

and also the chocolates, hontouni arigatou!!!


although i can't really say it was smooth but the revision went on for we have test tomorrow (or more accurately only hours away).

but still, my happiness meter continued to shoot up when my dear senpai kindly did the favor i asked him from before. i'm loving him for this!! seriously, i really owe him this time.

thank you everyone!!! may Allah bless you all~


and i returned to my room with a smile to discover my mp3 somehow couldn't be turned on.

十九

i remembered somewhere in textbooks during my high school years, the number 19 an important number for certain people.. i guess it was something to do with 'ajaran sesat'

i guess my memories are still not that bad

considering i'm still 19

but it all felt so instantaneous...

oh yea, it's already the end of november, is mostly what i could think of now

being such a pathetic pessimist for a moment, i'm jittery for the exam is drawing near


anyway, thanks for the lot who made me happy today, i love you all!! and for the others too, i love you too! certainly it's like seiji once said in his blog "人間が産まれた日、自分で望んで産まれて来たのか、ただの運命のなのかはわからないけ

ど、命が誕生した日を祝うのは素晴らしい事だと思う。"

urm, my flumpool love is still far from ceasing :D

and now, presenting a quite explicit video :P but intentionally put here for the title really match the prominence of the moment

『19才』

envy to no use

sorry to whoever likes to lurk at this unworthwhile dump of thoughts of mine (if only there is any)

well, this blog lives for its namesake, which is also an acronym for my own name (if anyone ever realize). it's all in the mind. the shell of which a neurotic for some eyes. but then, the perspective is different for different eyes, so anyone's definition of neurotic might vary from the others.

like anyone cares...

so, what runs in the mind of this very neurotic is currently an overwhelming envy.

yes, ENVY.

if i were to refer to a religion's belief, they accede it as one of the biggest sins or more famously called one of the deadly sins. in islam itself, it's one of the mazmumah thing you should do your best to avoid from.

but then, it has grown big and has taken quite a stronghold inside here.

envy comes from many sources. it makes you feel inferior to the others, it makes you feel why is life being unfair (despite it's you yourself who lacks the effort), it makes you hate yourself even more, it makes yourself far even more neurotic.

neu·rot·ic

Of, relating to, or affected with a neurosis. No longer in scientific use. Informal Overanxious: neurotic about punctuality. n. A person suffering from a neurosis. No longer in scientific use. Informal A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset.

and in this world where almost everything revolves around 'I', this inevitable envy roots deeper and flourish hyperactively whenever this tiny self is compared to the ever more beautiful surroundings.

and even the thing i'm most infatuated in at the moment is my main source of envy.

yeah, they're so adorable, so capable, so unforgettable.

unlike this insignificant existence.

honestly, the more i adore them, the more i envy them.

the more i envy them, the more i ...............

i envy them for myself lacking what i observe they are rich in

they're completely in love with what they are doing while i hardly am so

they're soaring high with such lively eyes and smile filled with sincere joys

or, is it this pair of eyes that are only being fooled?

there's no way it is all joy to what the others are having (at least that's what i'd like to think)

it's yet time for me, kanaa....

however, i can't stop getting myself deeper into this insatiable obsession. yappari, they're one bunch of guys i can't refrain from excessively adoring as well as ENVYING.

the person who took the hassle of ripping this from the radio and let people like me listening to it at the ever glued-to youtube certainly has my gratitude.

so please iman, don't lose to this emotion. make those surreal thingy straight into your own very hands instead of getting fussy sitting by the window just to do constant gazing. enough with all these sighs. chase the moment where u feel good being yourself, and take pride in whatever you're doing. (this sounds familiar somehow)



and that is

by not lazing around like this!! get your neurons bolting, ur ass moving!! defeat that lax self!! be more responsible and take on the challenge!!!! (once in a while, serious scolding by the inner self is needed)

don't be such ignorant fool!

the above message is intended to myself

whilst hoping for more improvisation in my current attitude, it just deteriorates more







please iman, do what you're supposed to!


-still intoxicated in flumpool love-

btw, happy eid to all the ones celebrating it.. (though i hardly felt in the mood due to excessive sleep)

and urmm, i can't deny the frustrations from recently still lurk inside here and more stuff just pile on this agony.... somehow i think i should put this melancholy to a cease or else..... (got a feeling i'm just translating this expression from nihongo, reminding me of the JLPT test we're going to sit next sunday..... should i be bothered?)

coz it's only momentary

recently up till today, i was happy and in full bliss (for some reason which most would consider nonsense but who cares)

but yes, happiness does not last forever

they died down in any moment

whenever something u dread comes in your way, suddenly the happiness is snatched away to oblivion

hoooooooooooo


i really don't like this feeling

it's suffocating and asphyxiating

and the worst thing is the more u want to not think about it, the more frequent it'll dance in ur mind

as if teasing u

oh, how small and insignificant of own existence

as always, when the world revolve around urself, the smallest thing can be such a big deal

what am i talking crap here??

the conclusion is, i'm quite flustered and agitated at the moment, so everything do not seem right


and the least thing i want to do is confronting the mirror

- self-dejection - please, dun be ever more pathetic, that's just so pathetic

神様は乗り越えられる試練しか与えない　-somehow this line makes me stay loose for a while

drop-dead gorgeous

oh yea, i'm a girl with lots of hormones running....

and i can't help but getting enraptured over the new CM by these adorable guys from my favourite band-no need to tell here i guess.

and all thanks to them, i'm able to go through this day with a smile

though it was truly a bitter one



certainly, i've yet to take a liking to C language....

i still see them as a formidable entity which reason for existence is to make my life miserable


hohohoho, and so we're bombarded with more homeworks over our shoulders.....

and surprisingly when i thought this week is tough enough, it seems next week takes a level higher

no need to list here, it would just add to my stress that already accumulate enough to overflow in any moment...

"確かに、JADの生活は大変だよね"
"しかし、どこでも大変でしょう？学生である限り"
"そうだけど、JADでは特に大変"


so, even though i can't escape the fact that i've made this choice of walking down this rocky road, it all depends on how we see them in our head right?

so, when your mind and body are near exhaustion and total lethargy, pause, and see the beautiful things around you.

and that's when u'll feel glad to be alive



XD XD XD ありがとうFLUMPOOL!!!!生きていてよかったぁぁぁぁ~~~！！！

crazy but extremely happy

today would probably be an unusually short post

gosh, i'm so damn tired

but still, here i am, glued to my notebook, straight after returning home

i'm loving you, my notebook

oh, so what i was actually trying to post today is just to express how ecstatic and contented i am today...

amidst the scurries and scuttles of having to study for this coming week's tests and completing the reports and all

certainly, i was in no circumstance to be hanging around while all the works remains untouched (okay, i did touch and took a peek, but only a bit) but then, i could hardly regret going out today

except the money matter, maa ii ka

hontouni tanoshikatta

arigatou izzati-chan, ryouta-kun, hirai-kun!! (and also the other TAs who was together at Times Square today until the point where we entered cosmo's world)

hora, kowai to ittemo, dekitayone.......

yousuruni, TANOSHIKATTA~~~~!!!!

this made me remember the exhilaration i had when i went to genting last year

today was pretty close to that one

the only thing that was quite regrettable is the fact that i don't have a camera to capture those memorable moments

seeing their faces while taking those rides was priceless~~~

and the meal we had at the end of the day was quite satisfying too (money matters aside)

jaa, korekara, motto ganbareru ki ga suru



list to clear : jouhou shori test zairyou rikigaku test, nihongo test, butsuri jikken report, nihongo happyou slide (i forgot about this), and some more..... tomorrow's gamelan class mo ganbaru!!

again, ありがとう！！！！！！！！！！！！


looked like this eventually ended up long................

nawaitu kena betul!!

the other day, i went for blood donation

for the first time.

ohh, it was quite, nothing actually. honestly, i hardly felt a thing along the process.

but then, after school when we had futsal, i got tired real fast though it haven't even passed one session of a game - a mere 5 minutes for each of them. to an extent i felt like collapsing on the spot.

luckily, i didn't.

especially when i remembered the numbers on the weighing scale upon the earlier process for blood donation.


umm, we got free juice, and biscuits. and a red book. never thought u would get medical privileges by donating own blood. if u wanna know what's that, get ur own red book.

"kita derma darah, tujuan cuma 1. dpt air kotak free!! nawaitu kena betul!! -a line of a joke from my friend



and today, i guess sleeping this late again gradually makes me a nocturnal creature.

hohhoho

and tomorrow, we had another experiment to conduct. apparently there would be observers too from higher ups. hope everything just go smoothly as usual. but i guess such hands-on activity won't make me sleepy as much.

urm, and the reason i'm staying up this late? completing the report that is due before this next experiment starts.

yatta!!!! (finally after hours of being glued to this notebook, i'm done, the fact is that i just started most of it only today)


oh, and tomorrow would also be our actual meeting with our sensei for enkaku jugyou(long-distance class)-forgot the subject's name XD. but then, i wonder how can i make use of this golden chance when i do not even understand the whole thing?? telecomunication technology and its wonders.... well, this one hasn't made me dread it as much as C language though. taking my hats off to those computer experts who find all these thing extremely easy to comprehend. just how did those hackers find it enjoyable??

ganbarou!!!!!!!!

a new injection of motivation? or dream?

quite surprising, today i managed to make myself engrossed in doing some studying during the late hour of night..

well, that was after hours of slumber on bed and i found myself waking up in confusion in the middle of the night as the result.

perhaps, this might be triggered by a line blurted out by my sensei during yesterday's class. honestly, i was stunned when he pointed out we merely have a year left before facing the big interview - for entering university in nihon (our senpai are having theirs this weekend). oh my, a sudden jolt ran to my spine.

i know, with the way i am now, dame dayone

thanks sensei for reminding the ignorant me which i'm sure would remain oblivious be there is no stimulus from the outside. the danger of being in constant complacency.

however, today, when i studied, i realize i've far too much far behind despite having gone through half of the semester by now. obeying the law of nature, a brain that lacks exercise would gradually become lazy. that's what happens to mine. and what more, i tend to take everything in such a complicated way when actually it is not. how stupid i find myself when i struggled to find the answer to one of my homeworks, i had to flip through pages and pages of the thick reference book, wasting so much time only to find out later that the question only goes back or more specifically solely uses the basic formula there is.

sorry suwa-sensei, i slept so much during your class.

so then, when i took the whole night just to do 3 questions on mechanics of material (which i only realized i got them as my homework only on the previous day), my plan to finish my report together, crumbles. hahaha, and this self could not be satisfied unless she does a proper one, that is with adequate informations in completing the reports. but then, i was envied by time who is now angry as to just why did i waste them by idling away before.

deadlines = depressing.


so, let's go on about dreams (wow, such a fast change in topic)

recently i've been getting dreams that i could remember more or less. this is quite rare coz i tend to completely forgot them when i am awake leaving only vague memories of the insignificant pieces of those dreams. but then, i guess this bombardment of dreams might be because that i forgot to read my du'a before i sleep. my bad. but then, it was funny how my current state of mind when going to sleep affects the dreams i have. hohoho, certainly it is nice remembering a dream where i met kazuki and ryuuta.... (coz that was a dream, we were chatting like usual like old friends, and the funniest thing was it was in malay XP)

oh, maybe it's the waku-waku nihongo day effect, the dream i had when i slept after the event ended the other day was fully in nihongo XD

this post has winded way too long i guess, but still, i feel like there's so much more. well, i think i'll spare that for another day...........


p/s: i really felt the absence of my camera. i really2 do want to take pictures when we had all those fun.

gosh, when i recheck this post again, so much mistakes.... certainly it's not a good idea to blog in early morning while others are preparing for school

shiawase da yo

our kitchen's now back into action!! this was taken at the beginning of the week. truly, we love milk and all. today only 2 of those left at our drinks parlour



oh yeah!! believe it or not, 2 fishes at rm 2.90!!

but, above all, what makes me grinning all day would be because of the following..

it has finally arrived today!!!!!!! looks delicious though, i mean it, it has the exact same hue as the real deal... oh my, i'm afraid i'm going to bite it for real mistaking it to be a big bar of cadbury's dairy milk XP


definitely, this would hardly be a regrettable choice that i've ever made. it has not any sign of failing me in any way. the contents are exactly what i need, and its features certainly has not yet stopped to amaze me. i'm loving it............ so, kyou kara yaruki manman de benkyoushiyou!!!!!!!!!

p/s: today's 'enkaku' class really was complicated though. even in such happiness, i still couldn't escape falling asleep when facing such a confusing contents. please, let me understand it in any way, i'm really troubled if this continues

of dreaded report and random curiosity

2 weeks ago we did quite an interesting experiment during chemistry lab class. we even used up all the time slotted for lab time.

and 14 days following that is the deadline for the very report.

certainly, being chased by the report in not a pleasant thing.

i'd rather read 2 weeks worth of kazuki's blog than a page of article concerning the topic of experiment. obviously, kazuki writes funny stuff while the latter certainly is not. and what more, being pelted by so much kanji i barely could read all the way are more than enough to make me turn my head away.

but still, the haunting deadline is coming to a close in any moment.

やるしかないなぁ

but, in the middle of searching for info for completing my report, the use of internet really made my eyes opened. now, i treasure the existence of wikipedia, i salute to whoever found the whole idea of creating it. or internet generally. thanks to it, i found all the needed stuff just by the clicks from my fingers. (lots of clicks)

and also lots of other random stuff. owing to my own curiosity.

• love teh tarik and milo? it's certainly incomplete without the F&N assisting it rite? do u know that mostly those are just mere palm oil subtituting the milk squeezed from the cow? that's why u can only see 'sweetened creamer' stamped on the cans instead of 'sweetened milk'. malaysia with its wealth of palm oil..... well, they've even managed to make mozarella out of palm oil. the what and whys here and lil bit here
  
  
• after cathode ray tube certainly has passed its time, lately, there was a heat of plasma tv, and followed by LCD tv. well none of both are in my posession though. but now, the latest 'in' thing is probably LED tv. after some research i'm quite confused with the usage of this two terms but generally there are those which backlight are of ccfl (do i get this rite?) and the later generation are backlighted by LED, much lower in power consumption i believe. so the new hot stuff is now how thin the tv those manufacturers are competing each other. imagine if u got 47-inch rectangle stuck to the wall like some poster but then there goes all your favourite movies to your eyes. samsung has widely marketed its recent finger-slim series (i love how they name it). well, if you visit the electrical appliances store, u can see it stand majestically as arrogant as its price :P but then, LG just announced its latest product in Korea named EyeQ. with only 23.3mm thickness, what makes it a thing to sought for is it remote control modeled after the Wii remote control. Rotating, shaking or wavy you can control your TV.

a life-size self photo frame?

but certainly, one will go outdo the others. though no specific release date is stated but samsung has announced a new series will be following the predecent 'fingerslim' with another catchy name such as 'needleslim'-certainly way thinner than your own breakfast bread slice at just 3mm. what's that?? info taken from here

messy

oh yea, certainly i did i what i should not

who cares...

anyway, last saturday was really exciting
though i was tied on bed for more than 10 hours after that

and gamelan was actually not so bad, but still, to consider to perform during senpai's convo might be a lil of a burden

what kind of post is this? i'm just spouting random things here

ummm, actually i thought of writing down my fandom, which had been kinda intense lately

but then, it would b awkward here... i guess it's enough to limit that to the people around me to be annoyed by that obssesion of mine, sorry.

so, what might be good? here i got some useful tips especially if it were to be fully adopted by a student aiming to be the best in what he/she is doing (that includes me). [taken from the blog of a wonderful friend of mine]

• Make sure that you get at least 85% or more from every lecture. To do this, you need a very sharp mind (from a good sleep), good notes, and critical thinking.
• Review the notes everyday for the course that meets that day meaning if Chemistry meets on Monday, you need to review Chemistry note before Monday ends). If something is not making sense, make a note, and ask the professor the next day.
• Prioritize daily – make sure you list down five things that you need to accomplish everyday, from the most important to the least important.
• Before you go to sleep, do a quick evaluation of the day.
• And, of course, make tons of du’a to Allah.

jaa, minna ganbarou!!!

p/s: i'm having quite a BIG problem to be awake during the last lecture every tuesday... anyone, help?

the repulsive force

this sem, our physics' class are mainly centered on electric stuff. the electrons and all. well, like we won't be writing down F=ma for a while now though i guess quite everything is derived from there.

and one of the things we have to remember is that the electrons attract and repels. the opposites attract, whereas the likes repel.

so, here what i'm trying to say is, do myself and my stuff have the same charges?

it seems like things like to disappear from me, like we're repulsive of each other. that's exactly what makes me so irritated for the moment.

this year alone, i've lost 2 cameras.

oh yea, the second one cost me. so now, i exactly understand the feeling of losing something you get on your own effort.

it's frustrating.

but there are hardly anything i could do now other than just 'pasrah' for it. a part was my own fault too after all.

however, what makes me pissed off the most would be the fact that i am no more able to take pictures, coz that exact device is somehow can be regarded as my diary. taking a line from a manga i liked, taking pictures is the same as 'creating memories'. it's very nice to flip over the pages of the past in a while right? reminiscing those happy2 moments can make us go on when the present is not as pleasant as you expected it to be.....

coz humans brain is not being used to its optimum, memories can be so not long-lasting and patheticly unreliable. it can just disappear the moment you got ur attention caught on somewhere else.

for the moment, i just got to make do by salvaging others camera for memories like this, :D(me n mami-san got matching colour!!)

buy a new one? ..........certainly the circumstance does not allow me to at the moment
well, to say so, now i'm not even in one where i should blog, oh yabai, i never repent it seems. shukudai, report, dun stare at me with those eyes~~

useless evasion + anticipation

i don't like saying it like this, but it seems i'm so always quite in trouble that i create by myself. and thus, panic follows.

honestly, so many obligations that i have but this lazy self just continues its vain effort of denying them all. gosh, i've promised myself i would be a better person, what more now i'm already in sem 2 of my 2nd year in jad. i'm already halfway to my target to fly to nihon.

alas, the thing i constantly fear happens.

is this what they say "history repeats itself"??

i had already felt so sluggish even in the first week since sem2 started. and it doesn't change much it has now turned to week 4 already. yes, almost a month. yes, supposed there's already a lot i should have learnt and carved those into my mind. yes, in this kind of time, the quizzes and tests follow to appear to put all of those in check. but then,i still am so comfortable of being idle, doing nothing. little do i care about the classes and all. am i qualified to be considered as humans? humans have their own useful functions, rite?

i'm quite petrified with the thoughts of having tests (this coming week, i'm doomed with the zairyou and jouhou shori having test one after another, and my dread towards c language still haven't come to its end) , but still this body responds so little to make an approach to overcome all that. like how my heart still yearns more to feed my current obsession. my eyes seem to refuse meeting those stuff i'm originally supposed to confront with. my fingers constantly dance on this black keyboard like how i'm doing it now and my back prefers to be lying down being so cozy. ああ、どうすれば良い？？

let's take it one by one for the moment. ganbarimasu!! and yes, i just like to embed videos in my post, so here i present, "sakebe"!! for the sole reason of the shared line in the song and my post today-"history repeats itself" :P




_____++if you perhaps are thinking, eh, this kid hasn't ended the post yet? yup, somehow i ended up so long, if u treasure your time, feel free to use it for somewhere else useful, as how bad i felt stealing ur time for such crap, amidst this excitement, i myself felt bad wasting my time away ++______


so, along with all those vain denial, i am also overwhelmed by sheer anticipation. 1st would be as i had stated before where i finally found what i need/want. though it was with some objections but for such a thing when i feel it's more profitable just to get it, even it'll cost me, i'll go for it. there goes a part of my saving for my new jisho! so now, what's left is to patiently wait it to arrive here :D

and 2ndly, this too would cost me but definitely i won't miss this chance. i was so extremely ecstatic to receive the news of the release of the full album from none other but my favourite japanese band, flumpool!! this is apparently their first time releasing a full one, even the previous one was a mini album as it only contained a number of songs(which i listen to by getting it from widely-used means - internet). what made me more delightful is the surprisingly affordable price they would sell it. zettaini, chanto te ni ireruyo!! well, there is still a while until the awaited release day, but i'm so inpatient now. hope this one will cover the dejection of not being able to fulfill my desire of watching them live.

un, as the previous one, they never fail to create such an attention grabber as the cover. this one somehow makes me feel like pinching those chubby cheeks~~

sleepiness's a disease

urm, though my sleeping in class has become somewhat a usual sight, for today, i received quite a frank comment from my sensei.

sumimasen.....

well, couldn't really escape from being that embarassed whenever ur sensei just plainly note in front of the class how u slept, mimicking it...

can't help it, due to this cold i have along with the runny nose, it's normal to breathe orally rite, well, tht's practically a no-no thing to do if u're asleep-especially in class... enough of that

at least, i didn't sleep at all during 1 hour and half of our recorded class :D (so very proud of this), i've told this before, this sensei can be quite amusing to watch. or is it because today's content was not that hard? it was something we've learnt anyway

so

actually, today is quite bitter for me. well, not that anyone cares but today, flumpool performs at budoukan!!! it's a big thing, in nihon that is. it's the first time i've ever felt like really really really want to watch a performance live. in this case, of coz i have absolutely no way to ever attend this big event :'( they're fabulous performers from what i've heard so it really tears my heart apart not being able to. now, i really wish they would at least make it into a dvd or whatsoever so i could also watch it later (well, can't help it i can't watch it live now)

onegaidakara.......

daijoubu, ato 2nen dekiru deshou, jaa ganbarimashou!!!



and for this runny nose of mine, i've got myself a remedy, straight from the pharmacy. huhuhu, never thought those 7 cute pills would cost me that much though..... my wallet's becoming thinner at such a fast pace now

pain is there to make u remember of Him

熱が出たりすると 気付くんだ 僕には体があるって事
鼻が詰まったりすると 解るんだ 今まで呼吸をしていた事
when I come down with a fever I notice that I've got a body
when my nose gets stuffed up I understand that I've been breathing all this time

do i have to embed the same video again? those were the 1st 2 lines of Supernova (as embedded in my previous post-just scroll down there, listen if u're that free, it's truly a nice one)

yes, i'm caught with cold, and i'm so troubled with this runny nose of mine

but still, today's futsal was exciting!! the sweat? no need to mention.... at the moment, i'm just plain lethargic but still the procrastinated works just stare at me........ now if only i've done it earlier

"'mungkin' itu dah x ada (bagi perkara yang dah berlalu), 'mungkin' itu hanya wujud bagi mereka yang x bersyukur apa yang ada di depan mata"
-one of the touching lines from 'Papadom'-i'll surely talk about this interesting movie in my future post

so now, ciou

long-distance, supernova

it's like i always miss out writing down things that plausibly be the most memorable moments i ever have but certainly i'll say, this year's raya was a blast.

definitely, it was quite unexpected but all the way through, how we ended up having a convoy and everyone's having fun can hardly be forgotten. i can't express enough gratitude to all my friends who made all that happen, i'm so happy it all beyond words. thanks for all who came to my house last friday, altogether in 9 cars. glad u're all so pleased. sorry there wasn't enough satay for all of you anyway. but still, thanks! and for the convoy the next day, i would say, it was entirely fabulous and exciting! especially thanks to izmier who gave me a ride on his car, truly thank you for driving carefully instead of scaring me :P. one thing i would laugh each time remembering this would be the scene of a row of cars with 'P' driving down the road... hahaha, what a wonderful convoy that certainly was. (now i sound like yoda)

the whole members of the convoy who were packed in all the 8 cars

well, everything else aside, u just can guess how this food-lover self stuff herself up that day. from now, diet ka naa..

so, as for the title for this post, they're absolutely 2 different things entirely. firstly, today, for the 1st time for this semester, we had our 'long-distance class'. honestly, before it started, i was already appalled to attending the class (it's not like i had to choice not to) as i remembered the way we had it last sem. it apparently could be the most boring class thanks to the nature of the class where we only stare at the monitor listening to whatever the sensei is teaching in it, accompanied by the slides. no 2-way interactions or whatsoever, hardly any break for more than an hour long lecture. certainly there's no way i could stand such a thing, what more, even the contents make little effort in attracting me to the class.

however today, as we entered the class, when i expected it was gonna be a 'real time'-sort of live video conference for today is our first class, we were served straight to the contents-the recorded video. i could only say i was instantly filled with all the negative feelings, please, spare me from this. but then, once it started, no image of the sensei, his voice could be heard but only the front page of the powerpoint slide could be seen on screen.

"oops, i forgot to turn on the camera"

he's funny.

certainly, this time we get a different sensei for this, well, they're different subjects. though this time, he do not greet us 'selamat petang' at the beginning of the video, but i found him more amusing and enjoyable to listen to. at first look, he's quite young and energetic too. the way he kept addressing us in the lecture made me quite attentive to what he's saying. but when he says "i'll talk a bit slower for the sake of the malaysian students who are watching this lecture, so i'm sure a lot of you(the japanese students attending his lecture over there) would be so sleepy". well, one thing i could be so certain is there will be absolutely a lot more who sleep during that class over here compared to the students in front of him for the lecture. can't help it, no matter how interesting he could be.

so, obviously this sleepyhead me had her slumber moments too today even just for a while.

this is absolutely another matter, but i guess happiness do spread, isn't it? for some particular reason, one of my friends is so elated today, she's leaping so high in the sky. i'm so happy to see her that happy. how a single phone call could make her so jovial, now i'm daydreaming if only on my birthday, ryuuta would call me to wish 'happy birthday' to me....... ^-^ i guess that could make me in extreme bliss, i would be extra motivated even in studying undeniably for a very very long time... talking about the impossibles here :P there's nothing wrong in dreaming, rite :D

so, amidst my obsession on flumpool, i guess i can't stop thinking and talking about them to those around me even though they have no clue to who these people are. they're just so adorable i can't stop this fascination, it just shoots up. when i introduced them to my japanese sensei, so happy she likes them too, but i guess people's taste are different. perhaps, matured women prefer matured looking men instead of such adorable face like ryuuta. :D :D (totally how i like it though) then, as for the music, she did mention how flumpool's music totally suits the taste for those who favours 'mr. children' and 'bump of chicken'. indeed, i like mr. children's song but for the latter group, i've only ever heard of the name but didn't quite listen to them, so today, when i finally checked them out, oh yeah, my sensei's right. here's supernova



but certainly, this can't defeat my love for flumpool, in comparison, flumpool has this style of music which really makes me listen to their song over n over, together with both ryuuta's mellifluous voice and charming look. well, the other members are equally attractive too (hahaha, so obvious i'm so obsessed with flumpool now). but for a change of pace, i wouldn't mind listening to this other band too. just means i've just added another into my favourite list, oh please, stop this craziness.....

didn't see that one coming

honestly, this post is just stuff that're running through my mind at the moment.

well, today, we had an early leave, compared to the other day of the week. our class ended at 3.30. in fact we practically only had 2 class for today, one of which is laboratory that only consumed half of the time it's allocated for. an hour and half of wasting time followed afterwards.

but then, today i guess my mind is mainly occupied by something which bothered me so much. i'm really sorry i couldn't handle things well. everything's quite messed up in my world. so, i'm sorry again if that troubles others. but in a way, beside my worries, i'm quite pleased with the situation. that's unexpected.

thanks, my friends!

but still, no matter how much, i still want to apologize to someone precious whose heart i'm afraid i've hurt. i dunno why but i sort of like understand if i were to view from her perspective. probably i'll be the same if i'm in her shoe. ok. voicing out not an easy thing, so i don't blame you when i didn't notice that you're in fact bothered.


and then, another thing suddenly came to me when i least expected it. it's been a long time i've been irritated by not being able to use the electronic dictionary that could write kanji like i used to. i just bear with it, consoling myself i could get myself a better one later, especially when i already at nihon (amin~~). somehow, today the talk of electronic dictionary came up, leading me to search around on the net.

and i found it.
an affordable one with all the contents i need without all those unnecessary stuff. and it looks like it'll be useful for a long time.

ok! mou kimeta. sore wo te ni ireru koto ni suruyo! senpai, yoroshiku onegaishimasu~~

so, now i'm welcoming for tomorrow yet not having even done any of the works i got from my beloved senseis. later ka na...

procrastination is one's best friend?

oh yea, everyone's welcomed to my house tomorrow nite. dun be shy2 cat la....

mou gakkou?

oh yea, our school officially starts as of today!!!

a good thing? that might differs to individuals

whatever it is, today we are pelted with all the learning stuff after a long while. i did see that coming but it is still shocking with this current state of mind. yea, my mind is still comfortably in the idle mood. but yeah, reality is reality, it won't go no matter how many times i try to escape to my fantasy.

in reality, there's physics, there's math, there's c language, there is nihongo-the difficult stuff, the appalling and appealing ones.

those are the ones i was to confront for the day, not including the others which is sure coming to me in the rest of the week.

but i'm sure looking forward to my chemistry class again after so long. hehehe

and, this time too, we have new TAs coming here. (for non-JAD students, TA is Teacher Assistant, they are master students who came here to aid the lecturers handle the classes/labs as well as our place to practise japanese as they live at the same place as us). the funny thing is, yesterday when everyone just got back here with lots of food from home, we also invited 2 of them to join the feast with us. with the only restaurant unopened, they came with empty stomach i guess. so, just imagine how excited they were to be able to eat the various raya food. what made it so funny is of course we had to explain each and every food served, but then we are out of words. looks like our nihongo just has gone away with the long holiday we had. misuse of words are just so plenty that made it so hard to make them understand what we were actually explaining. anyhow, they enjoyed the food very much, glad that they did.

hope they get a good first MH, as MAS promotes it, MH is Malaysian Hospitality.

:)

but, me still being me, just love to immerse myself in my fantasy where i could smile, being pleased all the way. currently, i'm so into this song (in one of my previous posts, i've embedded the prologue to it, so this is the full song). b4, i've said they might sneak into my favourites, yes, they've done it.

a week digest

though i kept bragging that i got the whole week off while everyone else has returned to their everyday routine after the eid, there was practically not much that i had done in that time. it's quite frustrating coz it's not an often thing that we have such a holiday. but then, i could not do much as i could not move around as i like.

but i guess, i have something to remember for each day that had passed for this week.

monday - i went to safiyyah's house. finally met her after so long. her lil bro was once so little has now so grown up and sooo cute. nevertheless, so chicky.

tuesday - my parents were not home during dinner so i went out with my bro to eat out. it was carl's jr. to his disappointment, it's not as big as he expected and even i could actually finish it. somehow it felt a lot bigger when i had it first time before. my verdict, it felt so big coz i was there while hanging out with my friends, well if i go for the sake of eating alone, it's certainly not a big deal to finish it.
and i bought 2 dvd and watched both of them that same night. sassy girl sure makes you laugh big time and truly the korean version has much more substance compared to the english adaptation. okuribito (the departure) sure is funny in its own way and has a deep story in it as well as an insight to a world less known to all of us-how they manage the dead bodies before cremating them. in one of the scene, it managed to make me greatly touched just by one line by the main actor, seriously, while i watched it alone in the middle of the night, i could feel tears (that's unlikely for me).

wednesday - went to Dila's makan-makan at the stable. was so excited to see the horses especially the bonzai ones. couldn't help to laugh my heart out to see it, it's so small compared to the other horses we used to see. and i find horses are not much different with cats when i stroke their heads, they get pretty 'manja'. thx rifqi for fetching me but still i had to admit, his driving is scary. :P

thursday - out of sheer hunger and sheer stupidity to cook by myself, i actually went all the way to the shops down the hill and back up here to buy some buns and drinks. it's been a long time i've done any exercise so i guess it was good for me in a way. undeniably, 2 weeks of holiday just lazing around are of no help but a negative factor to my losing weight plan.

friday- for the night, there was a wedding invitation at putrajaya, my childhood friend's sister. as usual, coz i don't know how to feed myself proper food for the day, i was expecting a satisfying dinner to suffice that. however, we was kinda late and we had to make do with whatever that's still available then. honestly, my glutton self was asking for more but there was no helping it. but thankfully, i got to meet 2 of my ex-schoolmates. everyone's so grown up now. and also the parents of a friend i've been lost contact for a long time. i'll try to give her a ring sometimes later.
and unexpectedly upon our return home, one of the cats at my house died, a run-over accident by my dad's car. i saw her final moments where not even a faintest cry could be heard while her body excruciatingly fought death . perhaps when she was hit, her vocal chords got damaged. today, the others cats were pretty quiet than usual.

saturday(TODAY) - frankly, i'm quite irritated now, explaining such a half-assed blog entry for the day. the thing was that i am supposed to go raya with my friends but i couldn't make it. like any 'janji melayu' would be, time is hardly ever be of concern. if only we went to the wedding much earlier or even be the first guest there and then go to kl when the road not yet that congested, probably we could reach home early and i can join my friends. such an irony that they were coming so close to here but i'm not even available at home. and i haven't met with faseeha yet even when our houses are not so much apart(by car that is). truly, i really2 wanted to go.

and another thing that makes me on edge the most is that now, i can no longer read kazuki's everyday rambles on their blog, which i've been reading for every single day since early this year. it really entertains me in the same time helps me in my nihongo. as far as i know, now flumpool's fanclub has been officially launched, the access is to the members only which are off-limit to me coz i'm not living in nihon obviously. this is not fair! i'm a die-hard flumpool's fan too. how i desire for this self to already be in nihon right now.

and for tomorrow, the last day of the week, i hate to say it but i have face it after all, i have to return to shah alam and prepare for the new semester. i'm still haven't gotten into the mood.

日本語の勉強？今？

姉から言われたんだ、もう日本語で書かないの？まあ、もう久しぶりに日本語を使うから、ちょっと変になるかも。前と同じかなあ、来週ちょっと日本語のテストがあるわけで、今、練習します~~

今、休み中だけど、もうすぐ終わりなぁ。私たちは長い休みはなかなかないから、今回の2週間の休みは一番長いのも言える。JADの学生確かに大変だ。それ でも、課題とかしゅくだいなんてないから、とても幸せです~~先生、ありがとう！！この休みを満喫するつもりだけど、やっぱり、実にやりたいことはあまり ないなぁ。

それで、うちでごろごろしたり、ドラマを観たり、いろいろ食べたりしているばかりになるわけだ。たまに、友達と会えると本当にうれしい。でも、今運転免許があれば もっと良いな、もっと友達が会いたいから。そういっても、それがあっても、親に車を一人で運転させられるわけない。まぁ、いいか。

さっきもう言ったけど、テストのために、日本語の練習をしたいけど、結局、いつも`聞き取り´の練習になるじゃん。＾＿＾　へへへ、観たドラマがもういっ ぱいいっぱいになった。さらに、聴く歌も間違えなくずっと日本の歌～～　今、とても気に入るのは、私のまわりのみんなさんがもう知っているかもしれない、 それはFLUMPOOLだ！仕方ないなぁ、隆太くんの声は素敵だし、全員のメンバーもかっこいいし、好きにならないわけがない。それに、FLUMPOOL のカズキ君のおかげで、私は毎日日本語の勉強もできるわ。彼は確かに面白い人だね、毎日彼らのブログを読むと、絶対に笑うようになる。みんなさん、ときには、カズキくんのブログを読んでみたらどうだ。

今日こそ、またFLUMPOOLで、日本語の勉強になった~。この間、彼らの新曲「フレイム」を聴いて、すぐ大好きになったけど、やっぱり聞き取れなかっ た。今日、たまたまその曲の歌詞を見つけたんだ！！それでも、その歌詞も私には分かりにくいなぁ。新しい言葉だらけ。 これは本当にいい曲だからこそ、絶対にこの曲の意味を完全に知りたい！誰か翻訳してくれない？？

隆太くん、どうやってそんなに素敵で難しい歌詞ができるの。。。


「フレイム」　by　flumpool

舞い上がる花 アスファルト叩く向かい風吹く坂道 上ってく
破れた靴を気にしないように 新しい景色だけを見据えている

走った分だけ 磨いた分だけ すべて報われるわけじゃない
それでも時々見える希望(ひかり)に 心奪われて また立ちあがって 歩き出す

指で創ったフレイムを覗きこめば
遠くで手を振る 真っ白な僕がいる
こんな風に生きてんだって たったひとつ
光る瞳で Yesと答えたい
自分で良かったと思える瞬間を追いかけて歩く
生きてゆくよ

背中を押され 聞こえるは愚痴で 通り雨を恨むような しかめ面で
安物のシャツ 破れば古着に見えるとつぶやく背中泣いている

誰もが何かを決める時に よぎる苦い思い出は
これから出会う宝の価値を測るためにある
掴み取るものの愛しさを

今がすべてで現在(いま)がすべてじゃないと
逃げたり慰めたりしながら進んで
花びらが舞う風の中僕は
ひとつ ひとつと 足跡を残してゆく
せつなさや虚しさの瓦礫の中
もがきながら 希望(ひかり)探している

孤独な旅路は 坂を登る途中 ・・・それこそ夢

指で創ったフレイムを覗きこめば
遠くで手を振る 真っ白な僕がいる
くたびれたリュックは空っぽのまま
それでも微笑(わら)って Yesと答えたい
自分で良かったと思える瞬間
この世に出会えて良かったという瞬間
自分で良かったと叫びたい瞬間を追いかけて歩く

生きてゆくよ


残念ながら、こっちで「フレイム」のPVを置くつもりだけど、もうyoutubeでそのビデオはなくなった。

P.S:やっぱり、今回のブログは1時間すぎもかかった。

which has the slower rate? this internet speed or me writing blog entry

indeed, i tend to leave the entries to this blog unfinished. so, it's not like i'm lazy to update anything, but truly it can be hard to complete one whole post.... it can take much of my precious times just to write a single one... talking about having insufficient time to complete my homeworks or whatever, here i go wasting time just to express my thoughts that nobody could even care less...

nevertheless, it aids me to keep in touch with my sanity. it could be bad if i just leave everything bottled up inside....

that explains why this place has become such a collection those melancholic pieces of myself which i could also considered as junks. nonetheless, i could take the chance to at least practice my lousy english here, as i'm afraid it's gradually rusting away due to the over exposure on nihongo alone, let it be academically or the entertainment purpose which takes up most of my days away.

so, back again to what infuriates me for all day long. it's none other than this internet which speed can make me break my fuse. certainly, what other reason do i use this lovely notebook but to feed my obsession which includes streaming videos and downloading dorama etc. so, u got it, there's no way such a slow internet would please me. urrgghh. not only that, it's not even stable that it often goes on and off, interrupting everything i'm doing at the moment.

for example, even for a less than 2 minute video such as the following, i dun know how long it was to just wait b4 it fully load, but then it got stuck an i have to refresh again so it just prolonged my waiting. btw, i just discovered them and i took a quick liking to this band. easy to the ear i would say. though not as much as when i have my first impression on flumpool, they can easily sneak in into my favourites sooner or later. in fact, they can be considered as flumpool's junior as they just debuted under the same label as flumpool. if someone can make my wish come true, i really would like to watch these guys perform at budoukan next month. this band, Weaver will also perform as the performing act for their senior. seems very exciting to me but i guess dreams are mostly left as dreams ka naa..



oh yeah, despite being in the middle of raya season, i'm here at home lazing around. it's not as if i could go anywhere such as my friends house as i please, i still don't get hold of my license and even if i already had it in my hand, i hardly dare to actually drive or i am allowed to do so.

am taking things for granted (a melancholic post amidst the effervescence of eid)

um, most of the things felt so dull and plain boring

so, does this matches what people say by taking things for granted?

yes, i do have my family
my friends
a place i can call home
my bed i could somehow comfortably lie on
lots of food i'd just love to gobble on
passing on events i could consider my pieces of my life's memories

what else could i ask for?

but still, it all felt superficial

hmmm, indeed humans are such greedy creatures topped up with envy, lusting for more that are beyond reach

coz it just seems that grass is always greener on the other side

ka na?

p/s: recently i've been having dreams in which i could remember some people i know personally have been appearing, it made me laugh but somehow puzzled coz it's not a usual thing that i could even recall what i dreamt.... could it probably be that they actually held much importance to me? i don't think they have even a second to think about my little existence in their life though...... just exactly why do i took all the trouble thinking what others are thinking anyway? is that even needed? should i bother? i could care less what others are up to but then what is it that i really long for in the first place?

if people are in fear when left in the unknown,

yes, i'm in fear

honestly i don't want to do it

it's just like what's stated above...

it's truly difficult to do things in which you don't have heart or even a sliver of interest

though it's said 'one man with commitment is better than thousand with interest' (i saw this quote at my school corridor), it's undeniable that in the absence of interest, if not impossible, it's nearly impossible to possess the slightest commitment in doing anything even if you are ought to.

and now, the matter in question is currently the assignment i got for my 'Malaysian Studies'. for dozens of times, i've tried to not think that it is a boring subject or anything near it. but in the end, when i'm assigned a work for it, it felt like such an unwanted heavy burden dumped onto me.

now, i'm abhorring it. the whole stuff i'm facing in order to complete it.

now i feel, the malaysia constitution is a nuisance. a bother in my life.

i guess, i just came to hate this.


please, everyone knows hate is not a good thing, right? so, don't go make me hate you, history.

where has all the fun go in learning this subject? i used to go all excited when reading history books (that was prior to learning history at school where i was required to cram them all in my head). or shouldn't knowing how this country works made me more informed and knowledgeable? but now, i dun feel like knowing anything more, again, it just like such a bother.

i'm a selfish, irresposible, ignorant person.

though i'm all complaining here, it doesn't even help me one bit in completing my duty. oh my, at this rate, i'm just gonna be the target of anger of my groupmate.

please, put more passion in it, iman!!　don't let those good-looking actors deviate your eyes away. be focused, be focused, be focused...........



どうか神様、僕に勇気をください！

hari ini saya tulis dalam bahasa melayu

hari ini mereka tolak bas (ketika saya menulis ini, sepatutnya masih Rabu)

terima kasih.

kalau ada video merakamkan kejadian tadi, pasti menarik.


hari ini juga, hari kedua kami mempelajari pengajian malaysia.

kami tonton sedikit klip dari filem Leftenan Adnan, oh dan juga Embun.

hampir saya ingat ada sambungan selepas Leftenan Adnan terkorban. rupa-rupanya hanyalah umie aida juga berlakon dalam filem lain pula.

esok, filem apa pula yang bakal kami tengok ya? um, tentang komunis pula. nama chin peng terus terlintas di minda saya.

saya memang bukan penonton filem melayu. apatah lagi filem berkisarkan sejarah.

jelas sekali, penjajah jepun menjajah otak saya pula setelah lebih 60 tahun menjajah tanah melayu.

filem melayu yang terakhir saya tonton: filem animasi 'geng'. komen saya; majulah industri animasi negara, jika dulu tentera british juga kalah, kemudian tentera jepun yang sangat digeruni turut boleh tewas, leftenan adnan mampu mempertahankan bukit chandi (atau chandu, mana2 sajalah) sehingga titisan darah terakhir, apalah bezanya jika mereka dibandingkan dengan penganimasi zaman sekarang. kita juga boleh bukan? atau mungkinkah isunya tetap sama dari dahulu hingga sekarang? kewangankah?

pencarian maklumat untuk tugasan bagi subjek wajib bernilai 1 kredit ini bermula hari ini.

input hari ini - hak istimewa orang melayu termaktub dalam perlembagaan dalam perkara 153 (perlembagaan mempunyai 183 perkara semuanya pada asalnya ketika diperkenalkan).
fikiran saya: piagam madinah dahulu punya sebanyak perkara beginikah? negara bawah pentadbiran rasulullah S.A.W adalah sebaik-baik contoh.


pertanyaaan hari ini: adakah cadbury produk israel? persoalan ini dikeluarkan rakan saya. baru sahaja saya melahap separuh bar besar coklat keluaran mereka. sedap.

根性なし

for some reason, i was looking for the word 'coward' in japanese

and i remembered this word.



perhaps, i'm a coward after all....

the brain's job

my exam's done, a month of mind challenging studying mechanics is already done with, and even Eid is drawing near (a time of celebration, i suppose), but still i'm so much disturbed and unrest. yea, it still haven't ended, they just continue to pile up instead.

someone said to me "it's because u keep thinking about it, that's why you are stressed"

but still, what else this brain is suppose to do while being alive? it's job is to think, think about the unknowns, to explain things that keep on running on the mind until one can be satisfied, right???

i can't help but to think of all those things though

what's all those things? my worries, my fears, mostly this selfish self only thinks things that revolves herself. the thing that's most disturbing are when after doing a lot of thinking and analysis, to find that own self is such a jerk, everything i don't want to ever be.

and the next thing would be to find way to make it the opposite, right? the problem-solving stage as somebody would call it. okay, i always end up in dead end here.

and that further pulled me down the abyss.

recently i discovered something. i always feel like a loser at times when i miss a chance in taking an opportunity. i would always blame the matter or timing or whatever related. but then, when i actually got the opportunity, things don't even go like how i intended it to be, this pushes me deeper into despair. in the end, it's my own fault and shortcomings, after all. and also apparent lack in courage which i feel like crumbling down day by day from all the failures myself makes.

sorry, i'm not yet a good a person though God has created me so perfectly as any other human.


yeah, all these keep circulating in my head, creating chaos all they want.

yet, more than once, someone turned to me and said "you ever feel stressed?" with quite a puzzled look on the face.

humans really are good in creating a facade........

ramadhan + feast

alhamdulillah, finally ramadhan's here and for the past 4 days, i could make it through smoothly.

well, i have my own target for this sacred month and hopefully i could fulfill it by the time ramadhan ends, amin~~

i'm thankful there are great friends around me, it just makes this year's ramadhan ever more enjoyable and exciting.

so, today was my 3rd day having iftar here and it was a very nice one though it was undeniably simple. but, after all, we were all fairly full, all 5 of us.

first, our main dish was sardine roll. the fat ones. and what makes it special was that instead of being covered by bread crumbs, ours was covered by corn flakes :D


straight to our dessert, corn custard eaten in fresh milk+fruit cocktail. it's been a long time since i last made this. it tasted just okay, but as expected, our kelantanese friend would just say: "it's not sweet enough"


and,lastly, special from lini's house, a bit of barter was done and here we get bread pudding. due to a short of some ingredients, it could taste better.


so, here done the report for this time.

next, i have to be more focused for the upcoming tests and exam. hmmm, as i've mentioned before, mechanics really is an interesting subject, interestingly challenging i would say. oh please, iman, shikkari shiteyo!


and somehow, today i felt like i really fail in face-to-face interaction(a continuation of the previous communication issue). really hope this could be done with soon. it only leaves me feeling miserable.