Friday, October 29, 2010

confidence zero

well, at least that's what i think of my current state

sometimes i put the blame on experience coz for the very existence of it, we are afraid of things we probably should not, like how it could made us recall of unpleasant memories relating to it.

and i hate that feeling when you want it but left hesitating to take the next step.

but, like people say, experience's the best teacher.

maa ne..

in less than a month or more precisely in only 3 weeks, i'll be facing an interview that's determine my next stage of life. ok, i make it sounds like everything is on stake here, but really somehow it indeed is.

and i'm nowhere near prepared.

from my experience, interview's are not my best moment. but still, on that precarious moment, i am judged. so convenient! hahahaha, i'm purely laughing over myself here.

and from my experience, i can see the old pattern is going on a rerun. yeah, i'm addicted to watching drama again, as expected. searching for the root of the problem, it's not exactly my uncontrolled obsession, it's more of a repulsion towards my true obligation-school. oh yeah, i'm fully informed that people would say school is so delightful, a memory they would cherish forever, but see, it's only valuable when it has become memories. so, should i say keep on striving for the sake i could look back at this memories and smile?

another random stuff but never fail to keep lingering on the space of my mind : i need class on interpersonal skill. oh please, i can't live without other people but then i have no idea how to deal with them or even how to deal with myself. tch.


zenbu umaku ikimasu you ni.

and lastly, more random thing. i'm nearing the end of the second decade of my life, and i just feel like making a wishlist.
-a new watch - the one that has served me for more than 2 years just got broken
-a new wallet
-a drinking bottle -and someone promised to get me one for my birthday :D
-dove chocolates
-getting into the university of my choice
-a proper set of stationeries
-watching flumpool and weaver's concert
-a new version denshijisho
-travelling to US

+some others remain untyped

Monday, October 11, 2010

how should i organize?

ok, currently there's quite a few things running at my mind that are only waiting to be flowing out through the tips of my fingers. i don't know where should i start or where should i end. this is something that occurs so often i guess that explains why i rarely get to have any entry done. a muchakucha entry would be useless, won't it?

ok, we start with stuff related to words and books.

after finished with 'ahiru to kamo no coin locker' the other day, i embarked on my second challenge with isaka kotaro's work. this time it's a compilation of short stories-Children. nevertheless, when i've gone a part through it, i discover those stories are somehow related to each other. and for this book, i just found how i really enjoy reading his narration, possibly owing to the first person view that he adopts which enables the reader feels like actually participating in the story. and while still unfinished, i got attracted to another novel. this time, it's haruki murakami-the translated one. well, quite a famous name but i haven't got the chance to read his yet-aside from reading a few pages from bookstore some time before. so, when mph made a promotion of 20% off on any book for this weekend, i got myself one-The Wind-up Bird Chronicle. not surprisingly, it's the same 1st person view. perhaps most japanese authors just love this style. not for me to comment coz i've only read a few works from them. back to the novel i just bought, based on the first few pages, it proves to be interesting. this would make my desire to get his original work-as always with the excuse of improving my nihongo-grows stronger. only wish my financial state will grow as strong though.

there adds another book waiting to be read.

and actually, recently i was itching to write about how i can be so disturbed with language error-be it spelling or grammar. it's the same for english or bahasa melayu. i mean, it is understandable if it sometimes inevitably occurs due to carelessness, but then if it does happen so often in a text, it almost seems that the person who wrote it just doesn't care. i mean, supposedly they have learned for nearly a lifetime and you still don't get the sense of the correct conduct of the language? don't you feel it's quite impolite to the readers who are giving their attention. indeed, i might not be in my place to say anything coz i can't escape making errors too, but i do give my effort into reviewing what i already wrote and check for any error. that way, i can curb them down as many as i could in the future by studying the pattern where i do have mistake the most.

and also i hate it when i want to recall a word and it just would not resurface. i've been stuck with this one particular word describing what i feel like the above. urgh, just what's that word?

btw, the btn we went through during the past week was ok. i did learn something, or more correctly my opinion from before is strengthened. i couldn't say much coz "we are not to reach a conclusion before we manage to grasp the situation from every angles and aspects available". in short, for what i know at the moment is certainly not sufficient enough to allow me to have my say. it won't be fair for any persons/entities involved as i could easily overlook them. for what is true and what is wrong and what i want to believe in requires my effort to understand them in full depth. any people in the world are capable of manipulating others for their own interest, so for not being a victim, no matter how much hassle it cost us, 'to think' is indispensable. so, when i am still and silent, it's not that i do not care like a sloth, it's solely because i haven't yet gotten past the 'thinking' stage.

but then, thinking is so mendoukusai, ne?

well, that is more the case when you got more enjoyable thing to get your mind so engrossed. i can't deny the fact i've passed a bit the gate of obsession when it comes to my favourite music. as the name suggests, entertainment does entertain!

and so finally, tomorrow school starts. yosh, another one semester left to be endured!!