Sunday, November 29, 2009

envy to no use

sorry to whoever likes to lurk at this unworthwhile dump of thoughts of mine (if only there is any)

well, this blog lives for its namesake, which is also an acronym for my own name (if anyone ever realize). it's all in the mind. the shell of which a neurotic for some eyes. but then, the perspective is different for different eyes, so anyone's definition of neurotic might vary from the others.

like anyone cares...

so, what runs in the mind of this very neurotic is currently an overwhelming envy.

yes, ENVY.

if i were to refer to a religion's belief, they accede it as one of the biggest sins or more famously called one of the deadly sins. in islam itself, it's one of the mazmumah thing you should do your best to avoid from.

but then, it has grown big and has taken quite a stronghold inside here.

envy comes from many sources. it makes you feel inferior to the others, it makes you feel why is life being unfair (despite it's you yourself who lacks the effort), it makes you hate yourself even more, it makes yourself far even more neurotic.

  1. Of, relating to, or affected with a neurosis. No longer in scientific use.

  2. Informal Overanxious: neurotic about punctuality.

  1. A person suffering from a neurosis. No longer in scientific use.

  2. Informal A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset.

and in this world where almost everything revolves around 'I', this inevitable envy roots deeper and flourish hyperactively whenever this tiny self is compared to the ever more beautiful surroundings.

and even the thing i'm most infatuated in at the moment is my main source of envy.

yeah, they're so adorable, so capable, so unforgettable.

unlike this insignificant existence.

honestly, the more i adore them, the more i envy them.

the more i envy them, the more i ...............

i envy them for myself lacking what i observe they are rich in

they're completely in love with what they are doing while i hardly am so

they're soaring high with such lively eyes and smile filled with sincere joys

or, is it this pair of eyes that are only being fooled?

there's no way it is all joy to what the others are having (at least that's what i'd like to think)

it's yet time for me, kanaa....

however, i can't stop getting myself deeper into this insatiable obsession. yappari, they're one bunch of guys i can't refrain from excessively adoring as well as ENVYING.

the person who took the hassle of ripping this from the radio and let people like me listening to it at the ever glued-to youtube certainly has my gratitude.

so please iman, don't lose to this emotion. make those surreal thingy straight into your own very hands instead of getting fussy sitting by the window just to do constant gazing. enough with all these sighs. chase the moment where u feel good being yourself, and take pride in whatever you're doing. (this sounds familiar somehow)

and that is

by not lazing around like this!! get your neurons bolting, ur ass moving!! defeat that lax self!! be more responsible and take on the challenge!!!! (once in a while, serious scolding by the inner self is needed)

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