Thursday, January 24, 2013

school yearbook?

just now in Facebook, there's a shared photo that made its way in the newsfeed, it's apparently a page from what i suppose a school yearbook or some people may call graduation album. and that reminds me, i never had any of such.

i actually wanted to write a post like this after i graduate this march (if things go as planned), as i don't know if we would have one too. and that would make it epic, i mean, i've gone through layers of education from kindergarten until undergrad school, graduating from each of them but the thing that seems 'atarimae' (oh my, i don't know how to translate this), let's say people are taking it for granted that yearbook comes into package. but apparently not in my case.

and as i typed the word kindergarten above there, i had a monologue, why would kindergarten have such thing? and curiosity won over me. as people says, information is at your fingertips, and i instantly discovered that there are places where they do have graduation album even for kindergartens! (in the process of finding that out, i also discovered there are actually parents who blog about the whole life of their kid(s), i thought that only happens in tv ads)

so, it kind of ticks me when there would be a scene in a tv drama or movie where they would flip the book and recall the memories, or in some cases desperately opening them to get informations they already forgot with the flow of time. and i imagine myself in the future unable to do that. for my elementary and middle school, as it is still in the area, informations can be easily obtained, and i still do keep close relations with some, well childhood friends are your friends forever. and then i transferred to a high school located far away, where people from all regions gather. it was only for 2 years, though i still remembers the numbers of students in our batch-328 altogether, not that it heavily matters but honestly i only know a fraction of them. don't blame me if in just few years to come, i can even forget someone in my own class even though there were only 23 of us (or was it 24?). after barely 5 years we had dispersed our own ways, i felt like their existence are already so far from me.

and i was born exactly in the era where pictures are all pixelated and people prefer to store them as binary data instead of keeping them analogue on pieces of paper. and guess what, the last time i remember actually having photos on paper for the sake of memories might be before i even turned 10, that means more than 10 years ago. in the present where i am still this sloppy, it is hard to expect that i carefully managed all the files containing the photos or any pieces of memories i had then. what more when new gadgets are in put into use and old data tend to be abandoned, and they simply vanished! it's not to say we should live by hanging onto the past, but it kind of feels bitter when you have no recollections of the past at all, and nothing to help you do that.

my university life?

not bad.

let's see if these fragile memories can still last after i become a grown-up (n i'm still considering i'm still not one)

a totally random photo. the cat saying "i couldn't care less about your life"

p/s: i should seriously read more to improve my vocabulary.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


the last time i wrote here was nearly 2 months ago. i'm sorry this place was deserted for quite a while already. my mood for writing went  downhill these few months. i also have another journal i keep (which is mostly about my hobby?) but that one also went abandoned for a bit.

as of now, i should be busy with my graduation research thesis. i'll be graduating this march! and it felt like it was only a while ago that i arrived here in Japan, but it's already nearly 2 years i'm here. many things i did, many people i met. (the moment i write the previous sentence, my mind actually thought of 'and many things i didn't do', what an ungrateful person i am).

to reflect on the 2 years i'm here would be too early, i haven't graduated yet after all. so, let's make this entry a reflection post for 2012, the year that has gone by about 22 days ago.

2012 was the year i first entered the lab i belonged to now. the year my blog entries dramatically decreased. the year i read so few books. the year i turned 22. 22??

and it occurred to me that when i was smaller, a person aged 22 seemed so adult to me then. but when i, myself turned 22, it didn't feel as much. as i'm quite a forgetful person, i've already forgotten how it really felt when i was a child, but it would be no exaggeration if i say i sense so little change from who i was then. here i mean mentally, if put it physically, i grew so big now. i'm like peter pan who doesn't want to be an adult, maybe even unconsciously. adult equals a matured person, so this implies that i'm still far from maturing. i don't think i am as responsible, and i barely can hold a commitment. so, that means i'm still a child? not a thing i can entirely deny though.

year 2012 might not be the year i can be so proud of myself with so many failures i did by my own faults. even they being unpleasant, i'm actually afraid i'll end forgetting them as i know there's a lesson in each of them. oh please, learn from them Iman, there's a reason for everything that happens!

with that, i hope year 2013 will results with a better me. hopefully i'll find what i want to do in my life after i prolonged my thinking period by deciding to enter graduate school instead of joining the workforce like some of my friends. i'll be more diligent in jotting down what i did/spend to keep track of my life (and money of course).

the first photo i took when it was snowing the other day, this is the view from the window of my lab