Idealistic Mind of an Absolute Neurotic

Friday, December 11, 2009

kacchatta~

currently, i'm so overwhelmed with delight, so happy and content

certainly, it's true in a sense when someone says shopping is a sort of therapy

it does make you feel so good

though the invisible guilt does linger and remain to lurk afterward

but still, to shop what u want(need), especially to spend the time on the process with others are so enjoyable

i could care less the tire and wear of my legs when we go round numerous shops and outlets. suddenly they got extra latent energy to keep moving on.

at the end of the day, i only got only 1 ringgit left in my wallet. yeah, didn't have much in the beginning after all. but still, as a mere student whose scholarship does not even worth much, to spend a lump rm200++ in one go is still a big deal, for me that is.

anyway, here i wanna extend my gratitude yet again to those two (yeah i know they won't ever read my crappy post here but just let me be) for taking the trouble of accompanying me and truly, i had fun today thanks to them. honestly it was quite awkward initially with the idea of going out of me the only girl and the two of them, guys. but it was not so bad. though i said i love shopping, due to financial restriction i rarely go in actuality. so, this once of a while occurrence really made me in bliss. so interesting to comment on others while they got indecisive to choose which to buy.

"just get all of that" -so easy to say, i'm loving it

but yes, shopping teaches you to be decisive. see, it's a form a learning after all. who said shopping is a waste of time?

oh, taking purikura is fun too ;D

Labels: what i did

Thursday, December 10, 2009

chou baka

the above was the conclusion we made when we couldn't solve a question regarded by our sensei as chou kantan.

anyway, i totally went out of my way by writing here today, supposedly my droopy eyes have made that firm declaration i should already be on bed now, but still, to be glued to this notebook is like inevitable now. btw, for the past 2 days, my sleeping pattern was evidently destroyed. for the day b4 yesterday, i didn't even get a wink during the night and the following night i slept straight after maghrib only to wake up in confusion past midnight. and continue being awake since.

the obvious result : a very bad sleeping in class, worse than usual.

and i'm afraid i'm gonna repeat that for tomorrow. it just seems like so

anyhow, i could just say i'm plainly irritated at the moment. a sudden dread for the coming of tomorrow comes over...

and also re-realize how dreadful the C-language were u not to put any interest in it, at all.
well, i could see my interest all go the Jdrama alone.

and i just watched one whole series Celeb to Binbo Taro in just 2 nights.
and further listening practice for today, i was exhilarated to find so much direct download links for my obsession.

the result : amidst the rush to memorize the script for my presentation, i spent my time watching a movie. the one starring kubodzuka yousuke whose voice i find so mesmerizing. thanks to the character he brought that of a mentally altered boy, the slow and one-by-one words that he said are easily understood by me who forgot to download the subtitle. and he's just too adorable to look at.

anyway, yesterday's presentation went all right, i guess, though i can't help laughing midway when my friend suddenly laugh. i just hope thye could understand all those, i think i spoke too fast for anyone to comprehend but glad i succeed in racing against time, i made it b4 the time limit.

the moral of the story : preparation is very important, don't do it just the night b4 u have a presentation, what more if u got only so limited a time.

Labels: what i did

Monday, December 7, 2009

maa ii ka

it certainly was not all sweet memory during yesterday's exam..

i admit it, i'm not that proficient enough to find that easy, no sweat, for next year, i always can try harder..

maa ii ka (just wanted to repeat the title :P)

anyway, what goes into spotlight is what happened next

definitely that compensates all the disappointments due to the exam

we had a really fun time!!

i never had a steamboat hangout with friends b4 so i could say this was my first

and thanks to all of them, it was so enjoyable and the 2 hours definitely do not go to waste, and also the amount each head had to pay were perfectly worth every cent(reminded me they haven't paid me back yet)

coz it was a buffet, just imagine how i stuffed myself up amidst the talking, chatting and laughters that we constantly had. aaah, the prawns, squids, crabs, all my beloved seafoods (sorry those who's seafood allergy, but it was just so damn good) and also the dessert that followed afterwards. it was fun to tease ryota with the chocolate. when i thought there is no one who escapes in loving chocolate.

and from that dinner, we found out each other's likes and dislikes. gosh, yu made me eat the brinjal/eggplant/aubergine whatever u want to call it. definitely, that won't be the vege of my choice. well, that was after i put the shiitake inside his bowl. hahaha. and ryota was nice enough not to bring me the orange juice once i said don't bring that (seriously thought he would). so i was nice enough after that not to put prawn into hirai's bowl. he seems to hate that a lot it would be fun to see his face were i to put it in :P

but everyone other than yu loves mushrooms. nyumnyum

so, once it's over, to walk back to our place was truly a challenge with such a full stomach.

anyway, thanx huda for the idea (initially this was to be the celebration of my bday which eventually turned out to be the consolation for 2kyuu exam). thanx kinta being along and also for the present i just received yesterday. thanx my big sis for paying in advance to cover the part i'm short. and thanx to ryota, daiki and yu for joining in the crowd, it was much livelier with you guys there.

and as usual, so bad that my camera was gone with the wind or else there would more pix to perpetuate the moments

Labels: what i did

Friday, December 4, 2009

iyoiyo

so, it's tomorrow huh?

yea, for us, it's quite a big thing, the japanese language proficiency test. so, i'm praying all of us could make it safe thru this ordeal. ummm, it'll be a wonderful thing be everyone of us pass this year.

i'm hoping for that.

and today, despite having a compulsory gamelan practice, i opt returning home. i do have reason - family matter-a wedding of a relative of mine (which i barely remember who). i'm sorry to myself if giving such a stupid-ass reason to slack off made me worse as a person, but just let it be. i haven't been home since... a week ago. :P

more about today, we kinda have a rare bro&sis hangout :P. we went to alamanda to watch ninja assasin.

my review : not much substance in the story while the actions do take ur breath away or orally extract the liquids from inside were u weak towards super bloody scene.

to change the subject, for i haven't updated for the last few days, actually quite a lot of significant things occurred. umm, what can i say here is i'm so grateful to the people around me. they've made me happy, so happy and delighted. i love them all!!

but now, for some particular reason, my guilty-conscience seems to win over. gotta do something to fix this... ok, i'll let my complex brain do the thinking

and now looking forward to tomorrow~~~~~~~~ yea, gonna eat all i want!!

Labels: mind rollercoaster, what i did

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

to be caught by surprise

basically, it's all quite as stated up there.

hurmmm, i really should extend my gratitude to all those people (though i doubt they would ever read this post)

as a food-lover, i was greatly pleased with the doughnut treat they prepared yesterday. and it was so chocolatey. i luv my housemates, they know me too well!

and today, amidst the rush (or was it me who really takes my time in doing everything), i was purely at a loss for words when a box of cake was handed to me when i least expected it. even the giver shows no particular expression for the event, like he was only giving me an eraser or something.

i was like "what?"

in such event, you can only smile or laugh at the least.

ryouta-kun, hirai-kun, hontouni arigatou!!!
and the others who were along celebrating the occasion despite being disrupted in the middle of your respective works, hontouni arigatou!!

and also the chocolates, hontouni arigatou!!!

although i can't really say it was smooth but the revision went on for we have test tomorrow (or more accurately only hours away).

but still, my happiness meter continued to shoot up when my dear senpai kindly did the favor i asked him from before. i'm loving him for this!! seriously, i really owe him this time.

thank you everyone!!! may Allah bless you all~

and i returned to my room with a smile to discover my mp3 somehow couldn't be turned on.

Labels: what i did

Monday, November 30, 2009

十九

i remembered somewhere in textbooks during my high school years, the number 19 an important number for certain people.. i guess it was something to do with 'ajaran sesat'

i guess my memories are still not that bad

considering i'm still 19

but it all felt so instantaneous...

oh yea, it's already the end of november, is mostly what i could think of now

being such a pathetic pessimist for a moment, i'm jittery for the exam is drawing near

anyway, thanks for the lot who made me happy today, i love you all!! and for the others too, i love you too! certainly it's like seiji once said in his blog "人間が産まれた日、自分で望んで産まれて来たのか、ただの運命のなのかはわからないけ

ど、命が誕生した日を祝うのは素晴らしい事だと思う。"

urm, my flumpool love is still far from ceasing :D

and now, presenting a quite explicit video :P but intentionally put here for the title really match the prominence of the moment

『19才』

Labels: mind rollercoaster

Sunday, November 29, 2009

envy to no use

sorry to whoever likes to lurk at this unworthwhile dump of thoughts of mine (if only there is any)

well, this blog lives for its namesake, which is also an acronym for my own name (if anyone ever realize). it's all in the mind. the shell of which a neurotic for some eyes. but then, the perspective is different for different eyes, so anyone's definition of neurotic might vary from the others.

like anyone cares...

so, what runs in the mind of this very neurotic is currently an overwhelming envy.

yes, ENVY.

if i were to refer to a religion's belief, they accede it as one of the biggest sins or more famously called one of the deadly sins. in islam itself, it's one of the mazmumah thing you should do your best to avoid from.

but then, it has grown big and has taken quite a stronghold inside here.

envy comes from many sources. it makes you feel inferior to the others, it makes you feel why is life being unfair (despite it's you yourself who lacks the effort), it makes you hate yourself even more, it makes yourself far even more neurotic.

neu·rot·ic

Of, relating to, or affected with a neurosis. No longer in scientific use.
Informal Overanxious: neurotic about punctuality.

A person suffering from a neurosis. No longer in scientific use.
Informal A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset.

and in this world where almost everything revolves around 'I', this inevitable envy roots deeper and flourish hyperactively whenever this tiny self is compared to the ever more beautiful surroundings.

and even the thing i'm most infatuated in at the moment is my main source of envy.

yeah, they're so adorable, so capable, so unforgettable.

unlike this insignificant existence.

honestly, the more i adore them, the more i envy them.

the more i envy them, the more i ...............

i envy them for myself lacking what i observe they are rich in

they're completely in love with what they are doing while i hardly am so

they're soaring high with such lively eyes and smile filled with sincere joys

or, is it this pair of eyes that are only being fooled?

there's no way it is all joy to what the others are having (at least that's what i'd like to think)

it's yet time for me, kanaa....

however, i can't stop getting myself deeper into this insatiable obsession. yappari, they're one bunch of guys i can't refrain from excessively adoring as well as ENVYING.

the person who took the hassle of ripping this from the radio and let people like me listening to it at the ever glued-to youtube certainly has my gratitude.

so please iman, don't lose to this emotion. make those surreal thingy straight into your own very hands instead of getting fussy sitting by the window just to do constant gazing. enough with all these sighs. chase the moment where u feel good being yourself, and take pride in whatever you're doing. (this sounds familiar somehow)

and that is

by not lazing around like this!! get your neurons bolting, ur ass moving!! defeat that lax self!! be more responsible and take on the challenge!!!! (once in a while, serious scolding by the inner self is needed)

Labels: flumpool, mind rollercoaster

Saturday, November 28, 2009

don't be such ignorant fool!

the above message is intended to myself

whilst hoping for more improvisation in my current attitude, it just deteriorates more

please iman, do what you're supposed to!

-still intoxicated in flumpool love-

btw, happy eid to all the ones celebrating it.. (though i hardly felt in the mood due to excessive sleep)

and urmm, i can't deny the frustrations from recently still lurk inside here and more stuff just pile on this agony.... somehow i think i should put this melancholy to a cease or else..... (got a feeling i'm just translating this expression from nihongo, reminding me of the JLPT test we're going to sit next sunday..... should i be bothered?)

Labels: mind rollercoaster

Thursday, November 26, 2009

coz it's only momentary

recently up till today, i was happy and in full bliss (for some reason which most would consider nonsense but who cares)

but yes, happiness does not last forever

they died down in any moment

whenever something u dread comes in your way, suddenly the happiness is snatched away to oblivion

hoooooooooooo

i really don't like this feeling

it's suffocating and asphyxiating

and the worst thing is the more u want to not think about it, the more frequent it'll dance in ur mind

as if teasing u

oh, how small and insignificant of own existence

as always, when the world revolve around urself, the smallest thing can be such a big deal

what am i talking crap here??

the conclusion is, i'm quite flustered and agitated at the moment, so everything do not seem right

and the least thing i want to do is confronting the mirror

- self-dejection - please, dun be ever more pathetic, that's just so pathetic

神様は乗り越えられる試練しか与えない　-somehow this line makes me stay loose for a while

Labels: mind rollercoaster

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

drop-dead gorgeous

oh yea, i'm a girl with lots of hormones running....

and i can't help but getting enraptured over the new CM by these adorable guys from my favourite band-no need to tell here i guess.

and all thanks to them, i'm able to go through this day with a smile

though it was truly a bitter one

certainly, i've yet to take a liking to C language....

i still see them as a formidable entity which reason for existence is to make my life miserable

hohohoho, and so we're bombarded with more homeworks over our shoulders.....

and surprisingly when i thought this week is tough enough, it seems next week takes a level higher

no need to list here, it would just add to my stress that already accumulate enough to overflow in any moment...

"確かに、JADの生活は大変だよね"
"しかし、どこでも大変でしょう？学生である限り"
"そうだけど、JADでは特に大変"

so, even though i can't escape the fact that i've made this choice of walking down this rocky road, it all depends on how we see them in our head right?

so, when your mind and body are near exhaustion and total lethargy, pause, and see the beautiful things around you.

and that's when u'll feel glad to be alive

XD XD XD ありがとうFLUMPOOL!!!!生きていてよかったぁぁぁぁ~~~！！！

Labels: flumpool, what i did