Wednesday, February 24, 2010

so, what shall i do?

ok, first, alhamdulillah, exam has passed and gone by for good. the moment it finally ended, i felt such relief that was beyond words. felt like i wanna scream out loud, let out everything that has stuck inside while holding myself along the strenuous period of what we call exam.

alhamdulillah again, eventually what's left is just leave it to god. i dare not to put high expectation, better accept whatever would turn out. so, all my exam grumbles would cease for the moment, until the next one comes up. well, i need not to worry that early, before that, we have more than one month off!

i love time by myself like this!

so, the first thing i did, and also with my friends was, eat out! maa, to eat big mac after a long while is quite a treat too!

then, it's without question i'd stick to this notebook :P. and i couldn't quite believe i watched a movie-japanese that stretches nearly 4-hour long! never knew they have one that long. nevertheless, the story was pretty well-structured and those hours i watched didn't feel that long. or should i say, it's like watching the whole episodes of a drama series which i indeed do at times. a good thing i didn't watch it straight the previous day when i first found the movie, or else i afraid it would jeopardize my chemistry paper.
 my own review: this movie entitled 'Ai no Mukidashi/Love Exposure' would remind you how lucky to be properly loved and nurtured and grow up in a nice environment. the main characters of the story are tragically lacking in love which turns them into people of twisted personalities. for the protagonist(Yu), i can't help but pity him throughout the story. how essentially he is never a bad boy, but he inadvertently turns out to be one out of pure hunger of love from his own sole parent. and the despair he lives through following that. the only thing that kept him going was remembering a promise made with his mom to find his own maria. the funny thing is, how he ended up doing all the bad things just for sake of committing sins-an act he deems would make his father appear as one. eventually, he did find the girl he's been searching but not without the conflicts that intertwine together. and thus, the story further developed and progressed beautifully. well, i can't deny this movie heavily touches the theme of those perversion and explicitly shows those obscene parts some people just couldn't take it in, but the story runs into deeper questions behind all that. but certainly not for kids i guess, with so much exposure on those things including frequent skirts-up, excessive uncovered skins, notorious turned-on moments, snoggings and all. and also to remind, it's not for someone who's weak against blood coz it's like some yakuza movies at times.but like i said, the story is enough to let you set those things aside to focus on the core of the story.

and not just the story itself, the way it is narrated can hardly bore you out like some other movies. appropriate soundtracks at the most appropriate times, multiple point of views to clearly explain the characters present, nice cinematography (i love the way it does the close-ups for when there are dialogues and also the unstable camera that depicts the unstable condition of the character-gosh what am i saying here), and definitely such effective casts they have here. nice-looking man with the most adorable smile as the most front certainly comes as a strong reason you stick to watching it.

and sure enough, such story has moments where it's just heart-wrenching, my tear glands did their best there.

one of the remarkable scenes i love is where Yu has lost it all and was thrown into bottomless despair, with practically nothing he could do, he was left lying cold on the road with no hope left in sight. and here's where his buddies appear, covering him with a jacket which comes together with a 50% less tag, trying to console him, so he hopes this would at least cut down his poor buddy's sadness by 50%. tht's just so sweet in the middle of such a sad scene.

....i got touched easily watching stories

Saturday, February 20, 2010

straight face

2 more papers left before we can be finally feel relieved (well, not 100% until the results come out)

however, frankly i'll say,with such straight face i wore at the end of every paper we had, i don't think i should hold on high expectations this time

yes, such low self-confidence

perhaps, that just matches with the effort i put in, i really feel i didn't take it seriously though i really try to push myself to be like so....

irresistible worldly temptations

well, my own fault for giving in to those


FEB 23rd : last paper-chemistry, big sis's bday
the next day : hehehe :D

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

expectations are meant to be broken

the only question is whether it goes above it or plummets down below....

yeah, like how the recent days totally broke my expectations of having myself focused on studying to take the chance of these few days off, and instead i was:

idling my days away

the next paper: in less than 48 hours

revision done : hardly even reached one third of what i should

kokoro no junbi : zenzen nai

currently hooked on : youtube

tell me it's still not too late...........

Saturday, February 13, 2010

grateful in vex

nto be in the midst of exam period is certainly distressing

but thanks to a 5 day interval we get between the papers, it gave us quite a time for a break from the tension.

and today, instead of cooped up in the room revising for the coming paper, i accompanied my friends to go out.

indeed i learn neither about math nor chemistry nor physics for the whole day, but i learned SOMETHING.

yes, something that's hardly be found in class.

but i know it's no doubt an important lesson, to properly be a human. all these while, i've been wondering if i've ever make someone else feel hurt unknowingly by my own actions or exactly what i do not, today i guess i could detect some moments of that.

that is, when you become the other party and feel it by yourself.

personally, i'd say i prefer to be open and honest, coz when u do not do so, the other person might feel offended. just like what i felt today. i mean, there's hardly anything else more miserable than being ignored.

it left you clueless.

if you're angry or mad, or have anything, just utter it! (okay, be kinder please in doing so if you could). otherwise, the other party wouldn't know, and above that, can't help but feeling guilty out of nothing. and that's where it turns sour, everything just feels awkward.

indeed, it's truly unpleasant with bad feelings continue to lurch in here, but i guess i ought to be grateful for this. this might just be my assumptions, but there are times where we get agitated with people, but rather than ignoring them, better to let the other person know so an understanding could be reached. that's what one would ask when being in the other person's shoes. at least, even if it's a situation tht's beyond fix, hearts that mutually connect always open for forgiveness right? it's hard to just feign a smile when you start to doubt each other.

so, here again, i would to apologize if any of my doings or not doings hurt anyone. to say, i'm quite dense and imperceptible in this intangible stuff. forgive me, yeah

anyway, today marks the last day for the TAs who have been with us for the past 4 months. i hope they got a pleasant experience over here and bring back with them sweet memories. sayonara to iu ka, mata ne~

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

don't wanna be in despair no more

things that cheer me up today:

-reading kazuki's blabs translated
-listening to some upbeat songs
-seeing some pictures on food
-discovering a new community centering on jpop latest news at livejournal
-reading new chapter of fullmetal alchemist

but still i'm swept by misery due to the following:

failure in doing well for the very first paper while it was nothing but pretty simple questions..........

nothing is even wrong with the question, the only problem lies with the person confronting it.....

tell me, it's still not too late

Monday, February 8, 2010

it's 9 inches, not 9 slices

try to imagine if they really regularly divide the pizza into 9

poor the one that's holding the knife, wondering how to cut it, how to make a 40degree angle segments

so, my friends, for a 9-inch regular pizza, there's only 6 slices in it

and today, we got 12 slices of them

not surprisingly, those 2 regular pizza were hardly enough for all 4 of us

nonetheless, it was quite a feast. ohh, so fluffy and puffy the crust. and scrumptious the toppings. no doubt, olive and capsicum and meat just go together. pineapple's a delight too, yummy! and the surcharge worth it for the puffcrust we ordered, totally love it. though i could see how much oil=fat it must've contained.

yeah, definitely gonna have a treat like this again! domino's, wait for my next order~

so, the stomach is now satiated,  gush up, my spirit!! we barely have any more day left till the exam start. enough with  all these nonsense, and get serious!

p/s:can't forget the face Lia put up upon receiving our delivery, well, obviously she's overwhelmed, but it's also because the pizzaboy's good-looking, or so she said XP

Sunday, February 7, 2010

the Satans in delirium

perhaps, that's what happening as of this moment...

well, as i've mentioned before, i no longer want to blather in pessimistic voice nor have any negative tone while conveying my thoughts. so, here i just see things from different perspectives. if we change our view, certainly it would hardly ever be the same.

that's why i say satans must be choked in joy to see my situation now.

well, if they think they've got their victory,

i'm just gonna say, i won't give up!

hope it's not too late now..... it's still not too late rite? though the exam is only more or less 2 days from now

it's not too late, right?

it's not too late, right??

it's not too late, right???
hoping to be on hiatus from everything related to computer, but i know i shouldn't put much expectation to such hope.

btw, my happiness meter today gushed up for the following reason:


and today i also realized, i can dream so fast once i fell asleep (practically anywhere in any condition), though i cannot vividly remember about those dreams i had, i have a feeling the dreams have such great stories, the impression lasts even after i woke up, to a point i feel amazed with my own brain for constructing such a marvelous story.... it's such a waste i can't remember every each details, not even the characters present. if not, i can write my own novels, who knows

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

please let there be chemistry between us








~~~++ どうか神様、僕に勇気をください ++~~~

p/s: so iman, what are you still doing here glued in front of the computer??? be focused, please?

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

enough with melancholia

okay, from today onwards, what i should do is bravely confronting all the things in front of me

now, it's only do or not.

permanent refrain from any pointless blathers and jabbers

because life's just too beautiful to be complained about.

and one should be grateful for any hardship for its very existence allows you to know what happiness tastes like. thank you allah, you grant me difficulties to make me stronger.

and i would like to extend my apologies to everyone who ever feel offended or upset, annoyed, and everything unpleasant due to my attitude and actions. i'm far from a good person, so choked full of my own shortcomings, so out of your kindness, forgive this contemptible self. i'm truly very sorry. if there's anything you would like to say, i know this would be a hassle but please kindly point it out so i would understand and make my way to improve things. i'm sorry i'm not such a perceptive person and dense enough to miss things that occur all around me. だから、よろしくお願いいたします。


with love


(need i mention by whom? yea, it's flumpool)


やわらかな日差し あの日と同じ景色

この身を削っても 思える人さえも
いつかは会えなくなる それが人生と

愛してる 苦しくて 泣きたくて 24時間
今まだ消せない 君が消えないこの胸に
溢れ出す想いはもう 青空にのみ込まれて
届くこともなく 今はない星のように


交わした約束を 残した傷跡を

誰もが涙を知ることで 大人になる
それが今だとして また一歩踏み出して
伝えよう 長く伸びた足跡を振り返って
告げる その一瞬まで


僕らは誰かを愛することで 確かめてる

愛してる 愛してる 愛しすぎた
あの季節を この胸焦がすほど
溢れ出す想いはもう 青空にのみ込まれて
届くこともなく 今はない星のように


as my main concern at the moment is the coming exam, an anxiety i possess as of now is that how can i fix my sleep hours before the the exam starts. i've been nocturnal since recently but it doesn't seem i use the whole night to any much benefit.

but, today, while i was trying to struggle through this whole jouhou tsushin report we have to hand in by this week, as usual, my concentration immediately deviated and my anticipation for the next episode of bloody monday led me to the discussion forum relating it. well, for the 1st one i watched last week, i was saved with the presence of subtitles-the japanese one coz english is yet to be available. for me who is hard to catch every single detail of what they're saying, that was truly helpful. i'm not originally much of an audio-type learner after all. so, while checking out for the sub for the next episode, there was a very interesting stuff brought up in the discussion. i discover a software that serves as a learning tool especially in learning language. (lame? not until u see the review).

now i feel programmers are really great.

this is great news to me, at least, for i am learning nihongo and can't deny it's quite difficult. roughly, this software is like a flashcard in your computer, but it possesses intelligence. as many theories state, repetition makes ur memory stays longer. this software called 'Anki' uses that as the key concept. okay, on top of that, i discover an accompanying software-subs2srs too where it ables you to save the lines from the movie/drama/anything u watch and make it part of the cards u have in Anki. interesting? i haven't read thru about the later software, but it's very appealing to me. to remind, i'm an avid watcher of dorama/anime, so i think why don't i just make full advantage of it? now, it won't be a complete waste to spend hours watching them when i can make it as part of my learning... hehehe i wonder how much vocab i can learn by watching 'bloody monday' alone. when i watched it last week, my understanding only extends as far as 60% i suppose.

so, there adds the thing i'm looking forward too once the exam ends. definitely worth it to give these a try.

but, iman, please, focus on your priority! .....but those are just irresistible. aren't they? what more, now the fore-mentioned 'bloody monday' really held me in surprise by its sudden development, i'm just urged to watch more.

p/s: recently i've been so active blogging, a clear evidence of my attempt to keep my distance from this dear notebook as a total vain. and today too i just read the manga of 'bloody monday' (straight to the 2nd installment, the 1st one is too long to read now) just because out of curiosity as to how the story differs to the drama adaptation. man, that's a whole lot different! the dorama made me shed tears.

Monday, February 1, 2010

gimme a break!

this post is just done out of my frustration of having to still go to school despite the fact that it is now revision week. so do expect some stuff just spurted out when this rage is no longer uncontainable. (and later i realize there's no use with all this stupid rage, so some of the contents have been edited afterward)

okay, what i understand from the word 'revision week' is that we got to do all the studying we deem need to prepare for the examination. well, a semester to cover seems like too much when all you did is playing around all through. so, won't u mind giving us time for ourselves to reflect on this and do whatever we can to rectify it before it's too late?

yet, u demand us to go to school? compulsory? what the heck is that?

i know u're worried and mad at us for being not such an achieving group of people like u expect us to be. but, to be forced like this is certainly the last thing we look forward to. now, i'm stressed with the mere thoughts of going to school alone. i grow to resent that sole idea.

 who says school is always fun and joy?

not when i have to iron my clothes(an action i don't particularly enjoy since i was small) and when i desire to casually wear something i feel comfortable (baju kurung is never one), some people say i better don't. why? to 'jaga hati' those people? who?okay, i think i'm becoming  bit of emotional here. no need to mention anybody when it's all me who can't accept how some stuff work. it's just like that, for anything, it can hardly ever be amiable to every single person. so, in this case, i just fell to be the opposing party.

and getting on the bus is not exactly what i say pleasant. while i'm all up to the eco-thingy, better get on a single transportation with lots of people to reduce the emission, but this selfish me like not the rush and such unfortunate times where keep standing and finding balance seems arduous.

and once school over, i could get caught with lethargy and ended up sleeping my day away. whose fault do u think i'm tired out? certainly when u despise something, ur body agree with you and give out negative reactions whenever that thing is concerned, like a simple action of going to school which i start to hate enough to wears me out in no time. so, what can i start now i just woke up?

the fact is i'm not a night study-warrior.

*currently so caught up with this song, been repeating listening to this for a few days now, its upbeat tune makes it enjoyable to my ear, piano does rock! and though i know only little of what he's saying, i can't help but to just love it*