Monday, July 20, 2009
first of all, i would like to wish my beloved roommate 'happy birthday!!' though i doubt she ever read this blog... hahaha
well, last nite was a blast.... sorry if we cause overwhelming noise to our neighborhood. whatever it is, i'm happy that the birthday girl is sooo much pleased...
back to my exam which is still running, i guess it's quite sad it went like i how i want it least to be. perhaps it's just like they say, ur mind determines much of the things revolving you. when i think everything negative, they really do turn out negative... so, my negative self, could you please make ur way out? talking craps here
mentioning about crap, i believe what my head contains are pretty much ....( i dun exactly want to call them crap but) let's just say unbeneficial (is this the right word?) stuff. even in the middle of exam where i would be half conscious at times, my mind would start visualising things that i've taken a great liking to but probably stuff that i am not supposed to even think at the time. facing the exam paper, in my head there also reverbrates a song non-stop, ones in my regular playlist, if only it was nasyeed/quran, i'd feel better too...
so, i don't put high hopes or anticipate anything during this exam. i pretty much play than study... i admit that, yes, my own fault, no need to remind me on that.
but, today i somehow feel down due to some reasons. not because of these arduous exams, it's something else. when i reflect myself, i sometimes wonder, do i impose myself so much, if i do, how can i know it? i don't intend to make others uncomfortable, let alone to make them unhappy. i may seem selfish when thinking i don't want to be hated by others but is it only my feeling or...? it's so painful to only keep it down here, to blurt it out seems so difficult, so now i'm grateful that blogs are created... (somehow, i feel so pathetic) but i'm just soo not good in words. gomen. everyone, sumimasen