to put it in negative light, i think it has been a stagnant year
if it were water, i can't imagine how muddy it has been, and how much has stunk
i'm sorry, brain
and heart
and self
but too much roller coaster of emotions even when i'm going nowhere
it's like i unknowingly created my own tornado
as i was (and maybe still am) too full of myself
that plunged me into
guilt
then,
self-deception
self-condemnation
for all the things i did
but more of what i did not
wanting to just forget all
the unpleasant things
but forgetting doesn't make them disappear
most of the 21st year of my life
solid and unchanged, now forever behind me
(and to remind, all those will surely be asked about in the afterworld)
so 22, i hope you will do a good job dealing with the mess left untaken care of by 21
and do your best making do with the meager remnants of confidence and any usable substance still available
because now, i can do nothing but to believe in you
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
foliage
honestly i am super duper easily distracted
like this very action of me writing here in the blog itself is a distraction.
i don't wanna mention what i'm supposed to do, but now i'm distracted, let's just get into it.
at least i'm writing something.
so recounting what i had recently, we had kouyou trip to nikko!
kouyou = foliage. that's what i found from the dictionary.
in short, when people say they are going for 'kouyou', it means they're going to enjoy the awesome view of leaves in orange and red when fall has come.
since it was late october, the best place was apparently Nikko, a place located in Tochigi prefecture, about 2-3 hours drive from here.
2~3 hours when the traffic is normal.
but of course, it's the peak season, just imagining the traffic jam is enough to make you feel tired.
we departed at about half past 9 from saitama, at about noon we exit the highway and entered Nikko, but to reach our destination, Chuuzenji Lake, that took us another hour or so. just that short distance of few kilometers to get over this one mountain!
we made it at the lake and it was already past 2pm. less than 3 hours left before the the sun would set.
like this very action of me writing here in the blog itself is a distraction.
i don't wanna mention what i'm supposed to do, but now i'm distracted, let's just get into it.
at least i'm writing something.
so recounting what i had recently, we had kouyou trip to nikko!
kouyou = foliage. that's what i found from the dictionary.
in short, when people say they are going for 'kouyou', it means they're going to enjoy the awesome view of leaves in orange and red when fall has come.
since it was late october, the best place was apparently Nikko, a place located in Tochigi prefecture, about 2-3 hours drive from here.
2~3 hours when the traffic is normal.
but of course, it's the peak season, just imagining the traffic jam is enough to make you feel tired.
we departed at about half past 9 from saitama, at about noon we exit the highway and entered Nikko, but to reach our destination, Chuuzenji Lake, that took us another hour or so. just that short distance of few kilometers to get over this one mountain!
we made it at the lake and it was already past 2pm. less than 3 hours left before the the sun would set.
the first view i could get after finally getting out of the car, finding the carpark was quite a deal
Chuuzenji Lake
The shops that lined the road by the lake
Isn't this stunning!
Just me getting all hyped in front of camera
all the leaves have turned red
the fallen ones
i like this lane
Look up and this is above me
The trees that lined the road
Actually this is road going into a jinja
Yellow and Red, my camera color balance seems weird here.
and the boys
So yeah, we still managed to enjoy kouyou. As it turned dark, it was getting really cold, thankfully we had quite a dinner of Naans and lots of chickens in a buffet restaurant. We spent really long time there, maybe the owner already felt we were quite a nuisance. but well, everything went well.
Friday, October 26, 2012
人見知り
this is gonna be a depressing entry...
this is not exactly a recent thing, but lately i'm being reminded how inept i am
socially.
though i think some people may see me as an extrovert person.
and when i'm racking my brain to get over this, i keep searching of the reason why.
oh, just why can't i just ask that person when i have something i don't know? i'm not even sure why, why is it so hard to muster the courage to voice out.
okay, a major turn off is when i foresee that even if i ask, the other person won't get what i say, and i won't get the answer i seek. or i am afraid of simply making a fool of myself.
and there is a chaos inside me with me condemning myself for not doing what i think is right, and the foolish pride justifying it.
i am such a coward.
i could not even be comfortable being among people i don't know.
without me realizing it, maybe it's me who build the walls around me.
and later feeling miserable all by myself.
and harder when i know, to overcome this, i have to do it on my own.
and i know, some people will only just say, just do it!
at times like this, 'ganbatte' is the last thing you wanna hear. in fact, it somehow sounds like a taunt instead of a word of encouragement.
this is not exactly a recent thing, but lately i'm being reminded how inept i am
socially.
though i think some people may see me as an extrovert person.
and when i'm racking my brain to get over this, i keep searching of the reason why.
oh, just why can't i just ask that person when i have something i don't know? i'm not even sure why, why is it so hard to muster the courage to voice out.
okay, a major turn off is when i foresee that even if i ask, the other person won't get what i say, and i won't get the answer i seek. or i am afraid of simply making a fool of myself.
and there is a chaos inside me with me condemning myself for not doing what i think is right, and the foolish pride justifying it.
i am such a coward.
i could not even be comfortable being among people i don't know.
without me realizing it, maybe it's me who build the walls around me.
and later feeling miserable all by myself.
and harder when i know, to overcome this, i have to do it on my own.
and i know, some people will only just say, just do it!
at times like this, 'ganbatte' is the last thing you wanna hear. in fact, it somehow sounds like a taunt instead of a word of encouragement.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
3renkyuu again?
Not really, it's only me who decides so. A Friday that i love when sensei happens to be absent from the lab^^
So today i got a little errand to do a little bit before the evening. I promised to meet someone at Omiya station by 4:45pm
I finished my work at the lab and supposedly we had our weekly meeting at 4, but i reported my research progress earlier. My sensei is ok with that. Oh yeah, i really love him today, i felt bad for rushing him to do my reference letter for scholarship applications, nevertheless he did it nicely!
So i departed from school to the train station at about 4, by bicycle it would take about 10-15 mins. I got a lot of time in my hand.
I even brought a novel to kill time while waiting. And i carried it in my tote bag. How stupid of me to use tote bag to school today while i knew i'll be riding bicycle.
The thing is my dear bicycle is so sporty it has no basket to put stuff.
So i just hanged it at the handle, though i was afraid of it swaying and getting too close to the revolving front wheel.
Another bad choice today, pants with loose bottoms. It made me worried when it kept wanting to get stuck at the chains. it did slightly, with a bit of tear as a result.
But it seems that the main concern is not that.
When i didn't realize it, as i cycled, suddenly the front wheel stopped!
In a blink of an eye, i was on the ground. I imagined the back wheel must be jerked upwards, and the impact was great. That hurts soooo much!
It turned out that my bag got stuck at the wheel that initiated the sudden brake. Oh, my bag! and i really love that one, now it is stained with black oils or whatever dirt at the wheel.
Thankfully i didn't think anyone saw it, it must be funny. Fortunately no major wounds, just some light bruises and scratches.
But still, when I tried to ride the bicycle again, it was difficult. Ended up holding the bicycle and walked to the station. When i thought i would have a lot of time to spare.
Lucky i made it just in time at the promised time. So delighted the minor accident didn't make me late, or else my friend and I probably couldn't meet as she had to catch train quickly after that.
Now i'll just take a rest, and rest more tomorrow~~~
oops, tomorrow i still have to go take the bicycle i left at school.
So today i got a little errand to do a little bit before the evening. I promised to meet someone at Omiya station by 4:45pm
I finished my work at the lab and supposedly we had our weekly meeting at 4, but i reported my research progress earlier. My sensei is ok with that. Oh yeah, i really love him today, i felt bad for rushing him to do my reference letter for scholarship applications, nevertheless he did it nicely!
So i departed from school to the train station at about 4, by bicycle it would take about 10-15 mins. I got a lot of time in my hand.
I even brought a novel to kill time while waiting. And i carried it in my tote bag. How stupid of me to use tote bag to school today while i knew i'll be riding bicycle.
The thing is my dear bicycle is so sporty it has no basket to put stuff.
So i just hanged it at the handle, though i was afraid of it swaying and getting too close to the revolving front wheel.
Another bad choice today, pants with loose bottoms. It made me worried when it kept wanting to get stuck at the chains. it did slightly, with a bit of tear as a result.
But it seems that the main concern is not that.
When i didn't realize it, as i cycled, suddenly the front wheel stopped!
In a blink of an eye, i was on the ground. I imagined the back wheel must be jerked upwards, and the impact was great. That hurts soooo much!
It turned out that my bag got stuck at the wheel that initiated the sudden brake. Oh, my bag! and i really love that one, now it is stained with black oils or whatever dirt at the wheel.
Thankfully i didn't think anyone saw it, it must be funny. Fortunately no major wounds, just some light bruises and scratches.
But still, when I tried to ride the bicycle again, it was difficult. Ended up holding the bicycle and walked to the station. When i thought i would have a lot of time to spare.
Lucky i made it just in time at the promised time. So delighted the minor accident didn't make me late, or else my friend and I probably couldn't meet as she had to catch train quickly after that.
Now i'll just take a rest, and rest more tomorrow~~~
oops, tomorrow i still have to go take the bicycle i left at school.
showing off my beloved black bicycle
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
lackadaisical
i don't know why but i feel like i haven't given my best yet.
in a lot of things.
and when i realize it, it's already october.
like, what???
by the way, i finally finished reading this book that i bought 380 days ago.
yeah, it has been a languid year as well for my reading activities.
this is my 5th attempt to read japanese books, also my 5th book from Isaka Kotaro. so i can't really say he's my favourite author as i've never read works from other authors. This book was nice, it's a compilation of short stories, but they're related to each other as the setting is the same, only the character in each story is different. the scenario was that the world was about to end as meteorite was forecast to fall, and it is 2~3 years before predicted doomsday. all havoc and unrest has just calmed down after people seemed to be tired of it. like other of his books that i've read, the setting is Sendai, and the stories are told from the eye of residents of condo complex named Hillstown. each story has its own unique view, it's interesting to delve into various people's mind when confronted with the fact that world is going to end real soon.
hopefully the remaining days in this year will be filled with me feeling accomplished with a lot of things. i would hate it if 2012 just end with me being not so productive, that is so sad and a waste of my young age.
but, i did read manga though
thanks to my labmates who are loyal buyers of 'マガジン', i really appreciate it that i can read Kindaichi without having to wait for the tankoubon.
now i'll try reading the next book! commute time in trains is the best time to read them
in a lot of things.
and when i realize it, it's already october.
like, what???
by the way, i finally finished reading this book that i bought 380 days ago.
yeah, it has been a languid year as well for my reading activities.
this is my 5th attempt to read japanese books, also my 5th book from Isaka Kotaro. so i can't really say he's my favourite author as i've never read works from other authors. This book was nice, it's a compilation of short stories, but they're related to each other as the setting is the same, only the character in each story is different. the scenario was that the world was about to end as meteorite was forecast to fall, and it is 2~3 years before predicted doomsday. all havoc and unrest has just calmed down after people seemed to be tired of it. like other of his books that i've read, the setting is Sendai, and the stories are told from the eye of residents of condo complex named Hillstown. each story has its own unique view, it's interesting to delve into various people's mind when confronted with the fact that world is going to end real soon.
hopefully the remaining days in this year will be filled with me feeling accomplished with a lot of things. i would hate it if 2012 just end with me being not so productive, that is so sad and a waste of my young age.
but, i did read manga though
thanks to my labmates who are loyal buyers of 'マガジン', i really appreciate it that i can read Kindaichi without having to wait for the tankoubon.
now i'll try reading the next book! commute time in trains is the best time to read them
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
subject of curiosity
so, it has been in my mind for a while.
number 1, this phrase:
'teman tapi mesra'
literally translated, 'companion, but intimate' (i don't know where's the need for me to translate this though, just that i'm writing in english, just let it be)
most probably it lies on how you define each word, but as weird as it is, is there anyone who have a companion but is not intimate? this is oxymoron. if some suspicious affair is to be pointed out, shouldn't it be like 'overly intimate companions', well you are free to think of anything then.
number 2, this still remains a mystery to me, typhoon no.17-Jelawat, who named it and how was it named that way, is it what i think it is, a fish?
number 3, why the hell when i'm writing in the internet, like in email, blogger or livejournal, there's no grammar check? like when i'm writing this, the first letter should be capital letter, and yes, i, can you please automatically turn that into capital letter. i am annoyed looking at it.
number 4, since when the domain of this blog has become .jp ?
by the way, how to erase that feeling of irritation whenever you spot any grammar mistakes when you read something? it's like i'm being made a fool of for studying grammar in school while people actually don't care. sometimes it irks me out even when reading my own writing, even something simple as wrong subject-verb agreement-this is the one i'm prone to the most. short form of a word is still understandable, but spelling mistake is another.
enough of me babbling for today, just suddenly my mood is back for blogging. (actually there were some drafts i wrote during months of my inactivity here, but they unfortunately remain as drafts)
number 1, this phrase:
'teman tapi mesra'
literally translated, 'companion, but intimate' (i don't know where's the need for me to translate this though, just that i'm writing in english, just let it be)
most probably it lies on how you define each word, but as weird as it is, is there anyone who have a companion but is not intimate? this is oxymoron. if some suspicious affair is to be pointed out, shouldn't it be like 'overly intimate companions', well you are free to think of anything then.
number 2, this still remains a mystery to me, typhoon no.17-Jelawat, who named it and how was it named that way, is it what i think it is, a fish?
number 3, why the hell when i'm writing in the internet, like in email, blogger or livejournal, there's no grammar check? like when i'm writing this, the first letter should be capital letter, and yes, i, can you please automatically turn that into capital letter. i am annoyed looking at it.
number 4, since when the domain of this blog has become .jp ?
by the way, how to erase that feeling of irritation whenever you spot any grammar mistakes when you read something? it's like i'm being made a fool of for studying grammar in school while people actually don't care. sometimes it irks me out even when reading my own writing, even something simple as wrong subject-verb agreement-this is the one i'm prone to the most. short form of a word is still understandable, but spelling mistake is another.
enough of me babbling for today, just suddenly my mood is back for blogging. (actually there were some drafts i wrote during months of my inactivity here, but they unfortunately remain as drafts)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
1st day of final semester?
now i'm in the mood of writing, i'll just continue.
yesterday was October 1st, when i'm typing this it's around 1am, so that was only like an hour ago? well, in my university calendar, it's the start of Semester 2 for 2012-2013 school year. somehow it feels different this time around.
first of all, after my retreat back at home, i immediately returned to the lab in early September and we were quite toiled (is this really for my case?) for Chuukan Happyou, a presentation on our research we were required to do as half of our 4th year has passed. so basically i was at school almost everyday because of that when everyone else were enjoying their summer holiday. the school was always empty, spare for some people especially with researches.
so today, when i went to school, actually today (i'm talking about yesterday) was unusual that i went really early as i misheard my sensei, i thought we would have meeting on that morning, it was a fine morning after the storm that hit kanto the previous day, the sky was so blue void of clouds. and then i witnessed a number of people in the school ground, with cheery atmosphere, well girls in short skirts looking cute and such. last time i bumped into a friend in school before the presentation, he was seriously lacking sleep, imagine a black atmosphere.
"Oh, today school starts!"
it took me a while to get used having a lot of people especially during lunch hours, it used to be quiet when i took the route at the main road in the campus, now it's bustling with people everywhere. but yeah, once i entered our building, things remain the same, gloomy and dark. entered my lab as usual but other members barely came. it came to my knowledge that today most companies hold their ceremonies for accepted employees, that may hold true for some in my lab. i did what i usually have to do, some checks on my research subject-the tomato, and then i got so much time to spare. i scanned through the application forms for scholarships i collected and noticed that one of them which deadline was on this very day!
i couldn't prepare for that in that instant! so i chose to read my manga instead. lucky there was Kindaichi manga that i bought but haven't read. actually it's a reissue for the one long ago, i couldn't remember much anyway, so it was like reading a new one. so i read and continued reading, seeing my lab members came and go. my professor came in and i told them that actually typhoon no.17 actually has a name-Jelawat which origin remains a subject of curiosity. he even invited us to attend his class which i happily don't take, i have my credits enough already, i'm free the whole semester except for my main obligation, that is my research. it was before noon when it struck me, maybe i could make it, filling in the forms and writing the things required. there were two essays we had to write in japanese, the reason i thought it was impossible for me. yet, my impulse said i should. to hand it in less than 5 hours when the form is as clean of any ink drop seemed like an intriguing idea. i did it anyway, sense of accomplishment washed over me at the end of the day
i gotta say, reading manga facilitated my brain in thinking in japanese, it was not as difficult as i thought. and recently when i resumed reading the short stories by Isaka Kotaro, that helps too. i recommend reading his works, they're interesting and easy to read. some examples of how interesting they are, movie adaptations from his work are real jewels. that was exactly how i got to be a fan of his, my favourite would be 'Ahiru to Kamo no Coin Locker'. i should read more now i find i have free time in between my tasks in lab. but yeah, being internet attached does not help at all. leaving my blog deserted and doing unsubstantial stuff most of the time. our generation is wrecked in a way.
so, my renewed resolution is doing more reading. maybe i should specify what is 'more', there should be a goal i can accomplish. i failed quite heavily the last half year, i didn't even get past one book! this is embarrassing, i'm turning 22 soon and i got a feeling my intellectual aspect has gone backwards, i won't allow that to happen.
i will read, i will write. i will speak. i will improve.
i will do my research properly ;D
btw, i cooked my own dinner the day before yesterday! that's a big achievement. well, naturally it became my dinner the next day, and probably lunch for another day though ~.~
yesterday was October 1st, when i'm typing this it's around 1am, so that was only like an hour ago? well, in my university calendar, it's the start of Semester 2 for 2012-2013 school year. somehow it feels different this time around.
first of all, after my retreat back at home, i immediately returned to the lab in early September and we were quite toiled (is this really for my case?) for Chuukan Happyou, a presentation on our research we were required to do as half of our 4th year has passed. so basically i was at school almost everyday because of that when everyone else were enjoying their summer holiday. the school was always empty, spare for some people especially with researches.
so today, when i went to school, actually today (i'm talking about yesterday) was unusual that i went really early as i misheard my sensei, i thought we would have meeting on that morning, it was a fine morning after the storm that hit kanto the previous day, the sky was so blue void of clouds. and then i witnessed a number of people in the school ground, with cheery atmosphere, well girls in short skirts looking cute and such. last time i bumped into a friend in school before the presentation, he was seriously lacking sleep, imagine a black atmosphere.
"Oh, today school starts!"
it took me a while to get used having a lot of people especially during lunch hours, it used to be quiet when i took the route at the main road in the campus, now it's bustling with people everywhere. but yeah, once i entered our building, things remain the same, gloomy and dark. entered my lab as usual but other members barely came. it came to my knowledge that today most companies hold their ceremonies for accepted employees, that may hold true for some in my lab. i did what i usually have to do, some checks on my research subject-the tomato, and then i got so much time to spare. i scanned through the application forms for scholarships i collected and noticed that one of them which deadline was on this very day!
i couldn't prepare for that in that instant! so i chose to read my manga instead. lucky there was Kindaichi manga that i bought but haven't read. actually it's a reissue for the one long ago, i couldn't remember much anyway, so it was like reading a new one. so i read and continued reading, seeing my lab members came and go. my professor came in and i told them that actually typhoon no.17 actually has a name-Jelawat which origin remains a subject of curiosity. he even invited us to attend his class which i happily don't take, i have my credits enough already, i'm free the whole semester except for my main obligation, that is my research. it was before noon when it struck me, maybe i could make it, filling in the forms and writing the things required. there were two essays we had to write in japanese, the reason i thought it was impossible for me. yet, my impulse said i should. to hand it in less than 5 hours when the form is as clean of any ink drop seemed like an intriguing idea. i did it anyway, sense of accomplishment washed over me at the end of the day
i gotta say, reading manga facilitated my brain in thinking in japanese, it was not as difficult as i thought. and recently when i resumed reading the short stories by Isaka Kotaro, that helps too. i recommend reading his works, they're interesting and easy to read. some examples of how interesting they are, movie adaptations from his work are real jewels. that was exactly how i got to be a fan of his, my favourite would be 'Ahiru to Kamo no Coin Locker'. i should read more now i find i have free time in between my tasks in lab. but yeah, being internet attached does not help at all. leaving my blog deserted and doing unsubstantial stuff most of the time. our generation is wrecked in a way.
so, my renewed resolution is doing more reading. maybe i should specify what is 'more', there should be a goal i can accomplish. i failed quite heavily the last half year, i didn't even get past one book! this is embarrassing, i'm turning 22 soon and i got a feeling my intellectual aspect has gone backwards, i won't allow that to happen.
i will read, i will write. i will speak. i will improve.
i will do my research properly ;D
btw, i cooked my own dinner the day before yesterday! that's a big achievement. well, naturally it became my dinner the next day, and probably lunch for another day though ~.~
Monday, October 1, 2012
where my money has gone wasted
and here i am wanting to write an entry even with another draft unposted.
but, this is among random things i'm thinking rather than account of events like usual post
so, yeah, let's go to the bulleted list
well, those that are wasted for practically nothing:
and those that are guilty pleasures:
but, this is among random things i'm thinking rather than account of events like usual post
so, yeah, let's go to the bulleted list
well, those that are wasted for practically nothing:
- attempted to start using softener when doing laundry, only to realize i've been using some really nice-fragrant DETERGENT as softener. so that was double dose for each laundry i've done in the last few months
- instead of cycling to the train station which costs nothing, i took the bus and then remembered that i forgot something at home, so another bus trip to return home and eventually decided to cycle to the station
- bought a pair ticket for an event wishing someone would be my company, but no one was available and went alone in the end
- took instant photo at the photo booth, inserted 1000yen bill and forgot to take the 300yen change
- bought a cup of pudding as a reward for myself and put it in the refrigerator in lab to be eaten later but forget all about it
- once i went all the way to yokohama to have fun, said goodbye when it's late night. on the way return, i was supposed to change train at shibuya, but i already missed the last train to saitama, ended up going back to yokohama direction just in time for the last train and spent the night at a friend's.
- i think i already bought 2 cords to connect my macbook to my TV but none of them actually works
- having to buy umbrella each time rain pours when i forgot to bring mine in the first hand
- some pieces of clothes i thought i would wear but in the end i just don't
- a pair of really nice looking leather boots, but turned out to be pigskin
- i think i bought souvenirs more than needed, they ended up in my storage
- honestly i kinda regretted i chose to go to my lab's gasshuku this year where i didn't even enjoy
- sometimes food that i bought and then stored in the fridge/freezer ended up in garbage after a while passed
- once i foolishly bought an app in iPhone but then it proved to be useless and i deleted it on that very day
- having to pay redelivery fee for a package after i forgot to update my latest address in their system, and it happened not even once
and those that are guilty pleasures:
- trips to baskin robbins even on non-discount days. to have it in my proximity makes it irresistibly tempting
- frequent purchase of bar chocolates especially when the mood escalates
- being a member of a paid fanclub of a group i really like
- constant purchase of CDs and DVDs, even those including the live performances i actually went to
- yeah, those live performances and the goods that come with them (but they're worth it!)
- i actually have quite a number of bags in my possession
- buying manga that i actually have read
they amount to a big chunk of my expenditure. no wonder it makes me not so happy each time i check my bank account. hopefully nothing of these sort will happen again.
hopefully....
hopefully....
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
summer 2012
not really in a moment where i should post an entry.
but yeah, exactly during this kind of time that you'd end up doing something else. maybe for distraction.
so, after months of zero entry, i'd just like to update some stuff
for this year, i celebrate Eid back at home. i was fortunate enough to get a flight that touched down on the very first morning of Syawal.
so, i totally skipped my lab for 2 weeks (usually i slack off to, but i do the least by showing my face even for a while)
the first week for Eid celebration itself, where my family returned to my mom n dad's hometowns for several days.
i got the chance to visit some friends as well. and to be surprised to know one of them is already a mother!
and the second week is for my retreat, where i suppose i can enjoy being in Malaysia, eating various delicacies.
my friend, Aya also came to Malaysia and i showed her around though i doubt i was a great host.
as i'm not exactly in the full gear for writing, i'll just throw in some pixelated proofs.
so bad i didn't get to eat some particular food that i wish like putu piring, kuih tepung pelita, tapai ubi and more.
and now summer is over?
but yeah, exactly during this kind of time that you'd end up doing something else. maybe for distraction.
so, after months of zero entry, i'd just like to update some stuff
for this year, i celebrate Eid back at home. i was fortunate enough to get a flight that touched down on the very first morning of Syawal.
so, i totally skipped my lab for 2 weeks (usually i slack off to, but i do the least by showing my face even for a while)
the first week for Eid celebration itself, where my family returned to my mom n dad's hometowns for several days.
i got the chance to visit some friends as well. and to be surprised to know one of them is already a mother!
and the second week is for my retreat, where i suppose i can enjoy being in Malaysia, eating various delicacies.
my friend, Aya also came to Malaysia and i showed her around though i doubt i was a great host.
as i'm not exactly in the full gear for writing, i'll just throw in some pixelated proofs.
so bad i didn't get to eat some particular food that i wish like putu piring, kuih tepung pelita, tapai ubi and more.
and now summer is over?
Sunday, May 20, 2012
the reunion, the walk
this week's Saturday was a happy one. finally i got to meet one of my teachers who used to teach me nihongo back when i was still in JAD program. Onuma-sensei finally is settled down in nihon after being in malaysia for about 6 years and taking this chance, we arranged to have lunch together. it was something i decided back then that i'd love to have sushi, so sushi we would have!
after asking around, i managed to gather Hidayah and Azizul for the reunion, others seem to be busy with stuff of their own. so, we agreed to meet at Kanda station. that was my first time stepping there. thankfully, i require no transit if i take the train from Kitaurawa, the 2nd closest station from my house. though we arranged to meet at 12, it was early of me to depart from home a bit after 10, even idly riding the bicycle to the station only took me around an hour from my house to the destination. well, azizul came a bit early too, as well as Hidayah who got to the different entrance. as expected sensei arrived punctually on time.
wasting no time at all, sensei took us the sushi place he already had in mind located near the station. it's a small place, yet quite renowned. it only has seats at the counter, and people were already filling the place at the time. we were lucky we didn't have to wait much. it's different to the usual sushi place with conveyer belt i sometimes go. we ordered the same sushi set, the one i pointed one that has anago-my favorite. as it lived up to its reputation, the sushi were not disappointing at all. and i challenged 'uni' for the first time. i don't hate it. and anago, anago is just, gooood~~~ i guess i just love sushi, well, even though after a few pieces i would start dividing the rice part, and only eat half of it :P
as a result, we were pretty much stuffed. really stuffed. Kanda is like an old town, the rows of shops were pretty much aged. with full stomachs, we decided it'll be good to take a walk around this old town and let the food goes down. at first, sensei were thinking it would be good to have a map guiding our way, so we stopped by a book store. there is actually a map book of old tokyo, so you can imagine how it was in the old times as you walk. and lots of other guides too, japanese do love guidebooks, for simply anything. in the end, we decided we would just randomly take our walk with our instincts.
from Kanda, we were to walk towards Ginza, i was not sure what the reason might be, but it's a nice place to walk around after all, the buildings are beautiful. even at Kanda, we made pretty much a roundabout trip, crossing through the backstreets which line most shops i would never know they would be there. the weather was really nice too, though i felt it's getting hotter no different to malaysia at the moment, but still bearable. the pleasant breeze helps to make it better. we walked past the nihonbashi, under it there are few peculiar statues, like a dragon that seems to be breed of the eastern and western dragon mixed. there also seem a service where you can ride the boat to tour the river? must be one of tourist attractions they come up with.
heat got the better of us and we were thinking of cooler place to take shelter, and we were walking right about the Bank of Japan, where we unexpectedly came to an exhibition on money, with free admission! with no hesitation, we went straight in. it was really an interesting exhibition. it shows the history of money and the chronicle of the money evolution, especially in japan. they have the real pieces of what used to be the currency used in old japan. well, the description were mostly in japanese, i tend to skip them, but simply looking at the display were enough to amuse me. like how we could be silly to think how the shape of some of them resembles animal dung. and coins used to have holes so they can tie it up in ropes, and imagining someone would put that on their neck as they walk through town is amusing too. and some of the money were so big, not to mention heavy, you would wonder how exactly they carry those around. but, the display that caught most of Dayah's and my attention was the one which you can choose which country's money you want to see. they have it in racks and the rack number you input would come into display. so funny that both of us didn't notice the legend that were in english just next to one in katakana that we were struggling to read. just when we were about finished touring the place, suddenly the place were full of people, mostly having notebook at hands and were taking memo, was it normally like that or are having tasks of some sort was beyond us.
after we were done with the exhibition, we continued our walk. we just walked and walked, we passed through shops with specialty of a select prefectures in japan, like niigata, nara and others. there are even shops specialized in seaweeds, and bonito flakes. very interesting indeed. just why never i knew of these places, these are supposed to be the highlighted tourist shopping spot, i only knew asakusa or ueno to mention. we also passed a shop with interior stuff, and stopped a while admiring the displayed merchandises like the lights that cost about a year of my room rent. indeed they are beautiful but i doubt only a handful of people can actually appreciate that in the comfort of their own home. by the time we walked ahead, our throats got a bit dry. there were a lot of cafes so we entered the one we just happened to pass at the moment. rather than to say we took a little breather, we ended lounging there for quite long. as compared to when we were in the sushi place where we were sitting in a row, it was more pleasant to share the table with us facing each other. such a long chat we had, just keeping up with the times we haven't been in contact. sensei seems to be doing fine too it's really nice to hear. and yeah, we talked and talked. i didn't even realize we've spent hours together.
eventually, we didn't even reach Ginza as we thought we would, nevertheless it was a fulfilling day spent. i love taking walks like this, especially when you have companions to make it ever more fun. i really gotta thank Onuma-sensei and Dayah n Azizul for making it a fun day. Onuma-sensei is a sensei i can hardly forget, i wish him all the happiness. i really hope we could meet again.
after asking around, i managed to gather Hidayah and Azizul for the reunion, others seem to be busy with stuff of their own. so, we agreed to meet at Kanda station. that was my first time stepping there. thankfully, i require no transit if i take the train from Kitaurawa, the 2nd closest station from my house. though we arranged to meet at 12, it was early of me to depart from home a bit after 10, even idly riding the bicycle to the station only took me around an hour from my house to the destination. well, azizul came a bit early too, as well as Hidayah who got to the different entrance. as expected sensei arrived punctually on time.
wasting no time at all, sensei took us the sushi place he already had in mind located near the station. it's a small place, yet quite renowned. it only has seats at the counter, and people were already filling the place at the time. we were lucky we didn't have to wait much. it's different to the usual sushi place with conveyer belt i sometimes go. we ordered the same sushi set, the one i pointed one that has anago-my favorite. as it lived up to its reputation, the sushi were not disappointing at all. and i challenged 'uni' for the first time. i don't hate it. and anago, anago is just, gooood~~~ i guess i just love sushi, well, even though after a few pieces i would start dividing the rice part, and only eat half of it :P
as a result, we were pretty much stuffed. really stuffed. Kanda is like an old town, the rows of shops were pretty much aged. with full stomachs, we decided it'll be good to take a walk around this old town and let the food goes down. at first, sensei were thinking it would be good to have a map guiding our way, so we stopped by a book store. there is actually a map book of old tokyo, so you can imagine how it was in the old times as you walk. and lots of other guides too, japanese do love guidebooks, for simply anything. in the end, we decided we would just randomly take our walk with our instincts.
from Kanda, we were to walk towards Ginza, i was not sure what the reason might be, but it's a nice place to walk around after all, the buildings are beautiful. even at Kanda, we made pretty much a roundabout trip, crossing through the backstreets which line most shops i would never know they would be there. the weather was really nice too, though i felt it's getting hotter no different to malaysia at the moment, but still bearable. the pleasant breeze helps to make it better. we walked past the nihonbashi, under it there are few peculiar statues, like a dragon that seems to be breed of the eastern and western dragon mixed. there also seem a service where you can ride the boat to tour the river? must be one of tourist attractions they come up with.
heat got the better of us and we were thinking of cooler place to take shelter, and we were walking right about the Bank of Japan, where we unexpectedly came to an exhibition on money, with free admission! with no hesitation, we went straight in. it was really an interesting exhibition. it shows the history of money and the chronicle of the money evolution, especially in japan. they have the real pieces of what used to be the currency used in old japan. well, the description were mostly in japanese, i tend to skip them, but simply looking at the display were enough to amuse me. like how we could be silly to think how the shape of some of them resembles animal dung. and coins used to have holes so they can tie it up in ropes, and imagining someone would put that on their neck as they walk through town is amusing too. and some of the money were so big, not to mention heavy, you would wonder how exactly they carry those around. but, the display that caught most of Dayah's and my attention was the one which you can choose which country's money you want to see. they have it in racks and the rack number you input would come into display. so funny that both of us didn't notice the legend that were in english just next to one in katakana that we were struggling to read. just when we were about finished touring the place, suddenly the place were full of people, mostly having notebook at hands and were taking memo, was it normally like that or are having tasks of some sort was beyond us.
after we were done with the exhibition, we continued our walk. we just walked and walked, we passed through shops with specialty of a select prefectures in japan, like niigata, nara and others. there are even shops specialized in seaweeds, and bonito flakes. very interesting indeed. just why never i knew of these places, these are supposed to be the highlighted tourist shopping spot, i only knew asakusa or ueno to mention. we also passed a shop with interior stuff, and stopped a while admiring the displayed merchandises like the lights that cost about a year of my room rent. indeed they are beautiful but i doubt only a handful of people can actually appreciate that in the comfort of their own home. by the time we walked ahead, our throats got a bit dry. there were a lot of cafes so we entered the one we just happened to pass at the moment. rather than to say we took a little breather, we ended lounging there for quite long. as compared to when we were in the sushi place where we were sitting in a row, it was more pleasant to share the table with us facing each other. such a long chat we had, just keeping up with the times we haven't been in contact. sensei seems to be doing fine too it's really nice to hear. and yeah, we talked and talked. i didn't even realize we've spent hours together.
eventually, we didn't even reach Ginza as we thought we would, nevertheless it was a fulfilling day spent. i love taking walks like this, especially when you have companions to make it ever more fun. i really gotta thank Onuma-sensei and Dayah n Azizul for making it a fun day. Onuma-sensei is a sensei i can hardly forget, i wish him all the happiness. i really hope we could meet again.
fleeting thoughts from
Sakura Ward, Saitama, Saitama Prefecture, Japan
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
being overdramatic?
recently it has been itching me to write down here, but each time i'll be stopped before i could write anything. it's because i thought, does it worth it to have whatever i think being displayed? though i treat this place as a vent for what's fleeting and compressed inside me, it might be my temporary anger or emotional imbalances that could lead me to let out something i should not.
one of the status updates i see in the newsfeed in Facebook:
or maybe what i fear most is to be simply seen by others.
yet i yearn for people to understand me. to accept me. to not let me feel i'm alone and helpless. to be my company.
Recently it finally occurred to me that actually i've been taking it for granted that i've been indeed in a blessed environment. Even the first year of me being here was something i should be so grateful of. it's an utter truism that one will only realize how precious a thing is once it's gone. as far as i've lived until now, it has always been that way, to have people around where i can keep being spoiled. now, after i got a few major changes in my environment, it really gave me a hard knock. and i'm now doing what i can to pull through. it makes clear of the shortcomings i possess that i've been trying to ignore until now. an averse reality i always tried not to confront.
well, that does give me a lesson in life. experience is undoubtedly a very great teacher.
but ah, i hate people being ambiguous, yet i'm doing exactly that now. how much more i'll contradict myself?
i don't know whether this song relates to this post or not, but the melancholic melody does fit my mood at the moment
one of the status updates i see in the newsfeed in Facebook:
menulis dan berkata-kata ibarat berbogel. kita memperlihatkan setiap satu yang berada di dalam diri kita.
-Radzi Ray Rahman-
or maybe what i fear most is to be simply seen by others.
yet i yearn for people to understand me. to accept me. to not let me feel i'm alone and helpless. to be my company.
Recently it finally occurred to me that actually i've been taking it for granted that i've been indeed in a blessed environment. Even the first year of me being here was something i should be so grateful of. it's an utter truism that one will only realize how precious a thing is once it's gone. as far as i've lived until now, it has always been that way, to have people around where i can keep being spoiled. now, after i got a few major changes in my environment, it really gave me a hard knock. and i'm now doing what i can to pull through. it makes clear of the shortcomings i possess that i've been trying to ignore until now. an averse reality i always tried not to confront.
well, that does give me a lesson in life. experience is undoubtedly a very great teacher.
but ah, i hate people being ambiguous, yet i'm doing exactly that now. how much more i'll contradict myself?
i don't know whether this song relates to this post or not, but the melancholic melody does fit my mood at the moment
...僕らはきっと今日も年老いてゆく
増えすぎた自信に疑心
『捨ててしまえ』置いた荷物
軽くならず胸いっぱいだよ..
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
lab
alhamdullilah i made it into the final year safely.
and i'm gonna start the graduation research from now on. after doing a lot of thinking, i got into material engineering lab. immediately we're assigned to our own respective research themes.
i'll be growing tomato plant.
that sounds totally out of place, i know. okay, to clear all confusions, my research would be developing the most suitable sensor to detect cavitations in xylems, something undesired in plants i suppose.
so, sensor it'll be. oscilloscopes that i'm yet to be good at handling apparently is the main tool. at first, i was like "oh no", but what use it'll be if i keep avoiding all things i don't like. inevitably one day i have to get over it no matter what, so better be now.
honestly, at this very beginning i don't have a clue as to what i'm supposed to do. hopefully it'll turn better soon. let's start with reading prior research thesis done by other people.
this would be something like japanese practice in the same time.
talking about japanese, i just learnt a term commonly used (by young people?) to describe something equivalent to what we sometimes use "killer" as in 'killer subject'. in japanese, they use the word "burakku"/black. so, a lab that really is tough is described as "burakku".
"burakku no tokoro ni itta"
of course, when i first heard that, i couldn't even get a clue.
japanese's unique or quite different use of english words never ceases to amaze me.
like buffet is called baikingu/(viking?). or konpa/(shortened from companion i think) for social events like having dinner together in a group of people or drinking party in some cases.
now i look forward to more stuff to come. 全部うまく行きますように!
sakura in my school are so beautiful, now they already start to fall off, the ground is covered with the petals |
fleeting thoughts from
Japan, Saitama Prefecture, Saitama, Sakura Ward
Monday, April 9, 2012
not lonely toothbrush
the above title is the pun for a song title called "hitoribocchi haburashi"/lonely toothbrush
i have never been to a doctor so far since i came to japan. let alone dentist.
just the other day, a friend mentioned to me my teeth look nice and white. honestly, i was stunned. okay, maybe because she sat in front of me at the dining table, the distance between us makes all the flaws unseen.
actually ever since i was a child, i don't really have that habit of brushing my teeth regularly. the best i could do is brushing it once a day. at least that's what i try to stick to now, every morning after i wake up. i don't even know how to use something like listerine.
but even if now npeople say my teeth are nice, if this goes on i doubt they will stay nice in the future. and i don't really like the idea of having to frequent the dentist.
so today, i thought of starting a new resolution, that is to brush my teeth twice, morning and night.
yup, i did brush after i woke up as usual, and after my isya' prayer, i remembered my resolution and i zealously brush my teeth.
i feel so good for taking that first step.
and i'm already imagining myself going on with this habit from now on, i'll be a good girl.
a new school year, a new resolution that can be kept.
that really rings a nice sound.
so i was looking at some stuff, like the list of subjects i should take etc. yeah, and other useless things that keep me tied to the computer and stuffs.
when i realized it, i just munched on a bread topped with mayo and serunding.
day 1 failed.
i have never been to a doctor so far since i came to japan. let alone dentist.
just the other day, a friend mentioned to me my teeth look nice and white. honestly, i was stunned. okay, maybe because she sat in front of me at the dining table, the distance between us makes all the flaws unseen.
actually ever since i was a child, i don't really have that habit of brushing my teeth regularly. the best i could do is brushing it once a day. at least that's what i try to stick to now, every morning after i wake up. i don't even know how to use something like listerine.
but even if now npeople say my teeth are nice, if this goes on i doubt they will stay nice in the future. and i don't really like the idea of having to frequent the dentist.
so today, i thought of starting a new resolution, that is to brush my teeth twice, morning and night.
yup, i did brush after i woke up as usual, and after my isya' prayer, i remembered my resolution and i zealously brush my teeth.
i feel so good for taking that first step.
and i'm already imagining myself going on with this habit from now on, i'll be a good girl.
a new school year, a new resolution that can be kept.
that really rings a nice sound.
so i was looking at some stuff, like the list of subjects i should take etc. yeah, and other useless things that keep me tied to the computer and stuffs.
when i realized it, i just munched on a bread topped with mayo and serunding.
day 1 failed.
Friday, April 6, 2012
end of 1st year in japan (part 3) - osaka & nara
from the beginning it was funny how i was to reach osaka from okayama. due to my bad habit of sleeping in, i couldn't catch the last bus i should ride to go to the station in order to make it in time for the bus to osaka. it cost me nearly the same to get to osaka just to pay the cab to reach the station, and i was in such a hurry to buy the ticket the last minute before boarding the bus. i know i should already learn from this but i just can hardly fix my sleeping time even now. with that, i reached the final destination of the bus - Nanba (or is it Namba?). my friend, laura was waiting for me there. we had known each other even before i came to japan, and this was my first time to actually meet her.
it was about dusk when i arrived, so we stopped at her house first. it is not so far from the station. it really is a convenient place to live at. as it was already night, we went to get our dinner - okonomiyaki. wow, recently i really had okonomiyaki a whole lot of times. but at this place, even with the grilling pan in front of us, it is the staff who does the cooking, you just have to watch and wait until it's done before stuffing them into your mouth.
yes, i mean this! |
the view from the okonomiyaki restaurant - the bridge |
a while after, laura's friend emm came and join us and we went for karaoke. honestly, i don't go to karaoke much, but this time we really had a good time, i sang a few songs where mostly i can't reach the high pitch the original singer always do. it was nearly midnight when it was over, and before returning home to sleep, we walked through lively night street and stopped by a place run by laura's friend whom she'd really like to introduce, a really nice guy. even though it wasn't that spacious, the place feels so comfortable just to sit and relax and forget your problems for a while.
an interesting menu in the drink machine at the karaoke place, it also serves consommé |
if you can guess what are those little rectangles |
again, rain restricted me from going sightseeing much, so what i did during my stay in osaka was visiting the kaiyuukan, my second aquarium in 2 weeks! my favorite exhibit would be the octopus, i don't know why. but of course i just love to stare at the tank with the jellyfishes in it no matter which aquarium i go to. also here, they got this very large tank containing huge creatures and the route you would take is going from the top floor of the building and you go around that large tank until you reach the bottom floor. it's amazing that you got to see different things on different levels even with the very same tank. the ray fish is astonishing too, they look so kakkoii just zooming through the tank. their wings flap like big bird. i love the aquarium! the next day, we decided to visit nara, quite a distance away but still easily reachable. how excited i was to see the how plenty the deers were at the park, even under the drizzles. they sell the biscuit for the deer so you can feed them, but how smart the deers to know you got it in the hand, they'll demand for it, even aggressively! but they're cute!! in nara, it's so peaceful. they have this famous temple with this big buddha statue in it. it's more like a tourist spot that they have to maintain, you have to pay the entrance fee just to see the inside. but yeah, the structure is wonderful, old it may look (it truly is) but they look so majestic. apart from that, nara also got pagoda and some shrines. as laura said, nara can be toured in a day as everything is just next to each other. we also strolled through the merchant district where we stopped by a restaurant based on soy products. the soy cheese is good! that was it for my osaka trip this time. i'll be going again this golden week, just what will i have in store for me next time~~
Actually the one i love is moon jellyfish but this one turns to be a great photo |
they would go to such length for food! |
this 'ema' at the shrine is really interesting! |
who would've thought soy and cheese go together |
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