being overdramatic?

recently it has been itching me to write down here, but each time i'll be stopped before i could write anything. it's because i thought, does it worth it to have whatever i think being displayed? though i treat this place as a vent for what's fleeting and compressed inside me, it might be my temporary anger or emotional imbalances that could lead me to let out something i should not.

one of the status updates i see in the newsfeed in Facebook:

menulis dan berkata-kata ibarat berbogel. kita memperlihatkan setiap satu yang berada di dalam diri kita. 

-Radzi Ray Rahman-

or maybe what i fear most is to be simply seen by others.

yet i yearn for people to understand me. to accept me. to not let me feel i'm alone and helpless. to be my company.

Recently it finally occurred to me that actually i've been taking it for granted that i've been indeed in a blessed environment. Even the first year of me being here was something i should be so grateful of. it's an utter truism that one will only realize how precious a thing is once it's gone. as far as i've lived until now, it has always been that way, to have people around where i can keep being spoiled. now, after i got a few major changes in my environment, it really gave me a hard knock. and i'm now doing what i can to pull through. it makes clear of the shortcomings i possess that i've been trying to ignore until now. an averse reality i always tried not to confront.

well, that does give me a lesson in life. experience is undoubtedly a very great teacher.


but ah, i hate people being ambiguous, yet i'm doing exactly that now. how much more i'll contradict myself?




i don't know whether this song relates to this post or not, but the melancholic melody does fit my mood at the moment

...僕らはきっと今日も年老いてゆく
増えすぎた自信に疑心
『捨ててしまえ』置いた荷物
軽くならず胸いっぱいだよ..