reflection

to put it in negative light, i think it has been a stagnant year

if it were water, i can't imagine how muddy it has been, and how much has stunk

i'm sorry, brain

and heart

and self



but too much roller coaster of emotions even when i'm going nowhere

it's like i unknowingly created my own tornado

as i was (and maybe still am) too full of myself

that plunged me into

guilt


then,

self-deception

self-condemnation

for all the things i did

but more of what i did not


wanting to just forget all

the unpleasant things

but forgetting doesn't make them disappear

most of the 21st year of my life

solid and unchanged, now forever behind me

(and to remind, all those will surely be asked about in the afterworld)



so 22, i hope you will do a good job dealing with the mess left untaken care of by 21

and do your best making do with the meager remnants of confidence and any usable substance still available


because now, i can do nothing but to believe in you