人見知り

this is gonna be a depressing entry...



this is not exactly a recent thing, but lately i'm being reminded how inept i am

socially.

though i think some people may see me as an extrovert person.

and when i'm racking my brain to get over this, i keep searching of the reason why.

oh, just why can't i just ask that person when i have something i don't know? i'm not even sure why, why is it so hard to muster the courage to voice out.

okay, a major turn off is when i foresee that even if i ask, the other person won't get what i say, and i won't get the answer i seek. or i am afraid of simply making a fool of myself.

and there is a chaos inside me with me condemning myself for not doing what i think is right, and the foolish pride justifying it.

i am such a coward.

i could not even be comfortable being among people i don't know.

without me realizing it, maybe it's me who build the walls around me.

and later feeling miserable all by myself.


and harder when i know, to overcome this, i have to do it on my own.

and i know, some people will only just say, just do it!

at times like this, 'ganbatte' is the last thing you wanna hear. in fact, it somehow sounds like a taunt instead of a word of encouragement.