my exam's done, a month of mind challenging studying mechanics is already done with, and even Eid is drawing near (a time of celebration, i suppose), but still i'm so much disturbed and unrest. yea, it still haven't ended, they just continue to pile up instead.
someone said to me "it's because u keep thinking about it, that's why you are stressed"
but still, what else this brain is suppose to do while being alive? it's job is to think, think about the unknowns, to explain things that keep on running on the mind until one can be satisfied, right???
i can't help but to think of all those things though
what's all those things? my worries, my fears, mostly this selfish self only thinks things that revolves herself. the thing that's most disturbing are when after doing a lot of thinking and analysis, to find that own self is such a jerk, everything i don't want to ever be.
and the next thing would be to find way to make it the opposite, right? the problem-solving stage as somebody would call it. okay, i always end up in dead end here.
and that further pulled me down the abyss.
recently i discovered something. i always feel like a loser at times when i miss a chance in taking an opportunity. i would always blame the matter or timing or whatever related. but then, when i actually got the opportunity, things don't even go like how i intended it to be, this pushes me deeper into despair. in the end, it's my own fault and shortcomings, after all. and also apparent lack in courage which i feel like crumbling down day by day from all the failures myself makes.
sorry, i'm not yet a good a person though God has created me so perfectly as any other human.
yeah, all these keep circulating in my head, creating chaos all they want.
yet, more than once, someone turned to me and said "you ever feel stressed?" with quite a puzzled look on the face.
humans really are good in creating a facade........
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
ramadhan + feast
alhamdulillah, finally ramadhan's here and for the past 4 days, i could make it through smoothly.
well, i have my own target for this sacred month and hopefully i could fulfill it by the time ramadhan ends, amin~~
i'm thankful there are great friends around me, it just makes this year's ramadhan ever more enjoyable and exciting.
so, today was my 3rd day having iftar here and it was a very nice one though it was undeniably simple. but, after all, we were all fairly full, all 5 of us.
first, our main dish was sardine roll. the fat ones. and what makes it special was that instead of being covered by bread crumbs, ours was covered by corn flakes :D
straight to our dessert, corn custard eaten in fresh milk+fruit cocktail. it's been a long time since i last made this. it tasted just okay, but as expected, our kelantanese friend would just say: "it's not sweet enough"
and,lastly, special from lini's house, a bit of barter was done and here we get bread pudding. due to a short of some ingredients, it could taste better.
so, here done the report for this time.
next, i have to be more focused for the upcoming tests and exam. hmmm, as i've mentioned before, mechanics really is an interesting subject, interestingly challenging i would say. oh please, iman, shikkari shiteyo!
and somehow, today i felt like i really fail in face-to-face interaction(a continuation of the previous communication issue). really hope this could be done with soon. it only leaves me feeling miserable.
well, i have my own target for this sacred month and hopefully i could fulfill it by the time ramadhan ends, amin~~
i'm thankful there are great friends around me, it just makes this year's ramadhan ever more enjoyable and exciting.
so, today was my 3rd day having iftar here and it was a very nice one though it was undeniably simple. but, after all, we were all fairly full, all 5 of us.
first, our main dish was sardine roll. the fat ones. and what makes it special was that instead of being covered by bread crumbs, ours was covered by corn flakes :D
straight to our dessert, corn custard eaten in fresh milk+fruit cocktail. it's been a long time since i last made this. it tasted just okay, but as expected, our kelantanese friend would just say: "it's not sweet enough"
and,lastly, special from lini's house, a bit of barter was done and here we get bread pudding. due to a short of some ingredients, it could taste better.
so, here done the report for this time.
next, i have to be more focused for the upcoming tests and exam. hmmm, as i've mentioned before, mechanics really is an interesting subject, interestingly challenging i would say. oh please, iman, shikkari shiteyo!
and somehow, today i felt like i really fail in face-to-face interaction(a continuation of the previous communication issue). really hope this could be done with soon. it only leaves me feeling miserable.
Monday, August 24, 2009
when 3 mech students meet
up till now, i feel like laughing out loud remembering what happened few days ago
more precisely, the day before ramadhan starts. the last school day of the week.
first of all, i was shocked by the sudden announcement of a test that afternoon. indeed, our sensei did give a hint but we just ignored that perfectly assuming there'll be no test or whatsoever. but then, there really was a test.
desperately, we revised what we've learnt for the week. as expected, i can't remember much (it's not a subject that requires remembering though, but still) yes, mechanics is really an interesting subject to learn.
and, out of overwhelming anticipation to receiving my dvd, i was unrest for not receiving any news from my friend, Rai regarding it. so, i called her straightforward(Rai was the one who supposed to hand me the dvd). aaa, waiting just makes me suffer. and to my surprise, she was actually meeting my senpai (the one i ordered the dvd from) on that really afternoon!! that time, that was just near cursings as to just why the heck do i have class that afternoon, and a test at that.
and then, he called.
yeay, somehow, rather unplanned, i was to go meet him personally to get my most awaited dvd!! after the test.
the test, didn't particularly care. my head was too occupied. there was 2 question, only 1 question was answered.
so then, thanks to my kind-hearted friend, nadia who sent me to the komuter station, i managed to catch the train on time upon my arrival there. on the 10-minutes ride, i took the chance to think about our homework but to no avail, it's just too hard, in fact even at this moment i'm typing this, i haven't done it, neither do others. and when originally we planned to meet at sunway pyramid, he was already at my friend's house by that time. my luck, her house is just near the subang station. in my baju kurung and the bag containing the class stuff i brought together, i walked towards her house, sweating under quite a hot weather. thanks to the wind, it just made me feel better. and finally, i reached there.
that was my first time going to Rai's house. her mom's friendly. Rai's just like Rai. oh, and senpai? he's just alive and kicking (hahaha, i was actually translating this from 'genki'). that was my 2nd time meeting him, the 1st one was last year during the speech contest, a while i after i knew him. quite funny when i actually only knew him when i'm already out of school though he was my senior there. so, we talked about lots of things. about nihon, about what we learn. a bit about school (Rai's also my ex-schoolmate, in fact, we were of the same homeroom). another to my surprise, as 3 of us were there together, all of us are mechanical engineering students! seems like we're learning the same thing wherever we go (while senpai and i are learning in japanese, Rai have a more relaxed studying to do with english medium as she's going to UK later). going on with this kind of atmosphere, as senpai is my frequent place to ask questions on physics, i brought forward the questions that was troubling me on the train, but it seems, even he haven't learnt that in detail. shikatanai naa, even my senpai couldn't answer it, let alone me. hehehe (self-justifying while i still haven't done it until now)
but the most important thing is.... at last, after nearly 2 months waiting, i finally get my flumpool's LIVE DVD「『How did we feel then?』～flumpool Tour 2009 "Unreal" Live at Shibuya Club Quattro～」 into my hands!!!
that night it was the first night of ramadhan.
i finished half a juzu' of the al-quran.
and watched half of the dvd.
senpai, hontouni hontouni arigatou!!! ima, totemo shiawase da~~~
oh yea, though i have met him at last, there wasn't a single picture taken. but whatever it is, (the following is not a confession) senpai, daisuki~~~!!! :D but still, it would be better if u find my daruma, wouldn't it? hehehe
more precisely, the day before ramadhan starts. the last school day of the week.
first of all, i was shocked by the sudden announcement of a test that afternoon. indeed, our sensei did give a hint but we just ignored that perfectly assuming there'll be no test or whatsoever. but then, there really was a test.
desperately, we revised what we've learnt for the week. as expected, i can't remember much (it's not a subject that requires remembering though, but still) yes, mechanics is really an interesting subject to learn.
and, out of overwhelming anticipation to receiving my dvd, i was unrest for not receiving any news from my friend, Rai regarding it. so, i called her straightforward(Rai was the one who supposed to hand me the dvd). aaa, waiting just makes me suffer. and to my surprise, she was actually meeting my senpai (the one i ordered the dvd from) on that really afternoon!! that time, that was just near cursings as to just why the heck do i have class that afternoon, and a test at that.
and then, he called.
yeay, somehow, rather unplanned, i was to go meet him personally to get my most awaited dvd!! after the test.
the test, didn't particularly care. my head was too occupied. there was 2 question, only 1 question was answered.
so then, thanks to my kind-hearted friend, nadia who sent me to the komuter station, i managed to catch the train on time upon my arrival there. on the 10-minutes ride, i took the chance to think about our homework but to no avail, it's just too hard, in fact even at this moment i'm typing this, i haven't done it, neither do others. and when originally we planned to meet at sunway pyramid, he was already at my friend's house by that time. my luck, her house is just near the subang station. in my baju kurung and the bag containing the class stuff i brought together, i walked towards her house, sweating under quite a hot weather. thanks to the wind, it just made me feel better. and finally, i reached there.
that was my first time going to Rai's house. her mom's friendly. Rai's just like Rai. oh, and senpai? he's just alive and kicking (hahaha, i was actually translating this from 'genki'). that was my 2nd time meeting him, the 1st one was last year during the speech contest, a while i after i knew him. quite funny when i actually only knew him when i'm already out of school though he was my senior there. so, we talked about lots of things. about nihon, about what we learn. a bit about school (Rai's also my ex-schoolmate, in fact, we were of the same homeroom). another to my surprise, as 3 of us were there together, all of us are mechanical engineering students! seems like we're learning the same thing wherever we go (while senpai and i are learning in japanese, Rai have a more relaxed studying to do with english medium as she's going to UK later). going on with this kind of atmosphere, as senpai is my frequent place to ask questions on physics, i brought forward the questions that was troubling me on the train, but it seems, even he haven't learnt that in detail. shikatanai naa, even my senpai couldn't answer it, let alone me. hehehe (self-justifying while i still haven't done it until now)
but the most important thing is.... at last, after nearly 2 months waiting, i finally get my flumpool's LIVE DVD「『How did we feel then?』～flumpool Tour 2009 "Unreal" Live at Shibuya Club Quattro～」 into my hands!!!
that night it was the first night of ramadhan.
i finished half a juzu' of the al-quran.
and watched half of the dvd.
senpai, hontouni hontouni arigatou!!! ima, totemo shiawase da~~~
oh yea, though i have met him at last, there wasn't a single picture taken. but whatever it is, (the following is not a confession) senpai, daisuki~~~!!! :D but still, it would be better if u find my daruma, wouldn't it? hehehe
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
kangaesugi kanaa
[another random post revolving the troublesome I]
i only hope that it's me who thinks too much....
honestly i'll say, i'm not really good in interacting with people. or, it's better to say, i'm much concerned with what others are thinking. but often i would doubt whether i should really be that concerned or not.
in short, i'm bothered.
i can hardly know if what i do is appropriate or not, or would it bother others. this might be selfish of me to think only of myself but isn't that what anyone would be concerned of?
okay, given an instance where i'm annoyed or irritated with this particular person, and started to develop a kind of hostility towards that person for that cause. but then, i think, if i can be this annoyed, have i ever make others annoyed too in any way and make them feel such unpleasantness too? because i know how revolting that feeling is, does that other person feel the same towards me too? that's bad, isn't it? what more if all that happens without me even having a clue at all. and because humans are mostly pretentious, they just put up with me while keeping their abhorrance inside. certainly, that's not how i like it.
people say 'love yourself' but more often than not, i find myself doing the opposite. again, i know this is indeed not a good thing, but it just happens.
because being honest is just so hard, i guess
what am i really getting at?
just mumblings of some lost girl who doesn't really know how to express what trapped up inside.
i guesss expecting others to understand yourself while having trouble in understanding own self is just impossible.
i only hope that it's me who thinks too much....
honestly i'll say, i'm not really good in interacting with people. or, it's better to say, i'm much concerned with what others are thinking. but often i would doubt whether i should really be that concerned or not.
in short, i'm bothered.
i can hardly know if what i do is appropriate or not, or would it bother others. this might be selfish of me to think only of myself but isn't that what anyone would be concerned of?
okay, given an instance where i'm annoyed or irritated with this particular person, and started to develop a kind of hostility towards that person for that cause. but then, i think, if i can be this annoyed, have i ever make others annoyed too in any way and make them feel such unpleasantness too? because i know how revolting that feeling is, does that other person feel the same towards me too? that's bad, isn't it? what more if all that happens without me even having a clue at all. and because humans are mostly pretentious, they just put up with me while keeping their abhorrance inside. certainly, that's not how i like it.
people say 'love yourself' but more often than not, i find myself doing the opposite. again, i know this is indeed not a good thing, but it just happens.
because being honest is just so hard, i guess
what am i really getting at?
just mumblings of some lost girl who doesn't really know how to express what trapped up inside.
i guesss expecting others to understand yourself while having trouble in understanding own self is just impossible.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
odaijini...
seems like more and more of my friends are getting sick, it is just contagious, this sick thingy, alhamdulillah i'm already over it, hopefully to stay in health for a long time to come
as the fear of H1N1 is getting ever more greater with increasing number of cases and death, here's a reminder. be hygienic!
and also, eat more fruits, they provide you with the vitamins you need to strengthen urself, ur antibodies and all....
while my fever has recently gone out for good, my flumpool fever just go up and up!! just why are these guys so adorable? can't wait for my DVD to reach into my hands..... well, since i can't actually go witnessing their live, am just hoping this recorded one could satiate my obsession....
talking about obsession, my obsession on japanese dramas didn't seem to cool down, didn't quite believe it that i actually had watched over 70 series in less than 2 years, thtw ould bring an average of 1 whole series each week.
as the fear of H1N1 is getting ever more greater with increasing number of cases and death, here's a reminder. be hygienic!
and also, eat more fruits, they provide you with the vitamins you need to strengthen urself, ur antibodies and all....
while my fever has recently gone out for good, my flumpool fever just go up and up!! just why are these guys so adorable? can't wait for my DVD to reach into my hands..... well, since i can't actually go witnessing their live, am just hoping this recorded one could satiate my obsession....
talking about obsession, my obsession on japanese dramas didn't seem to cool down, didn't quite believe it that i actually had watched over 70 series in less than 2 years, thtw ould bring an average of 1 whole series each week.
fool
i guess making a fool out of oneself is a very simple that one could have easily done it without realization...
yeah, i do feel that way today....
of course, it does feel bad.
why?
1st of all, it's because i'm a normal human who don't like to be hated by others... pretty selfish, ain't i?
searching for the root of it all, perhaps coz i'm juz not good in interpersonal communication.
seriously....
so, how? how can i read the atmosphere? or get a clue?
just what's the right thing to say?
is it wrong to just voice out what i got in my head? do i need to worry that much on what others are thinking?
yeah, i do feel that way today....
of course, it does feel bad.
why?
1st of all, it's because i'm a normal human who don't like to be hated by others... pretty selfish, ain't i?
searching for the root of it all, perhaps coz i'm juz not good in interpersonal communication.
seriously....
so, how? how can i read the atmosphere? or get a clue?
just what's the right thing to say?
is it wrong to just voice out what i got in my head? do i need to worry that much on what others are thinking?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
health's the best thing
just am so grateful now i'm healthy again.
indeed it's somehow true that even greater than money, health is ever more precious. you cannot easily buy health. but once u've lost it, it's like life's so difficult to go through.
and what more currently people are feared by the fatal H1N1.
please keep us safe....
btw, once i've regained my normal self, um, as expected, my appetite returned to normal.
please, keep me under control....
mentally, now i'm challenged by all these questions revolving forces and everything. after all, it all went back to F=ma. just that and it could make everything twisted.
and currently patiently eagerly waiting for my flumpool's live DVD!!!
yeah, being healthy is the best!!! dakara, minna, be careful not to get sick~~
indeed it's somehow true that even greater than money, health is ever more precious. you cannot easily buy health. but once u've lost it, it's like life's so difficult to go through.
and what more currently people are feared by the fatal H1N1.
please keep us safe....
btw, once i've regained my normal self, um, as expected, my appetite returned to normal.
please, keep me under control....
mentally, now i'm challenged by all these questions revolving forces and everything. after all, it all went back to F=ma. just that and it could make everything twisted.
and currently patiently eagerly waiting for my flumpool's live DVD!!!
yeah, being healthy is the best!!! dakara, minna, be careful not to get sick~~
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
bon appetit?
today, i noticed a thing; if i were to compare my appetite to a normal health-conscious girl(let's name miss A), mine would be quite the same but just shift a level.
like this:
a healthy miss A would eat like usual but soon stop once she feels it's already enough, or so she thinks she already full(which means it haven't even reached one full meal). and would unlikely have unnecessary snacks whenever she wanted in excessive amount.
while, when miss A's sick, she's likely not to eat anything. "cannot take it" or so she said.
well, it's the same for me too, that is, when comparing the healthy miss A and my sick self. quite interesting when i could not finish my own meal and am tormented enough just to make sure i finish it. but still, i got my desire to eat. i want to eat but with this throat, it just doesn't allow me too. it was funny when i got myself a pack of yoghurt and sandwich for lunch, and i actually had to force myself eat it until it's clean. if only i were of my healthy self, i believe having only that for lunch could hardly satisfy me. surely, that's not enough.
and the fact is, it's rare i get this sick.
no wonder i'm so fat...............
if only i could always have that kind of appetite, no need of those additional fats... but seriously, i don't want to always be this sick, it's torturing........
sabar itu sebahagian daripada IMAN++
like this:
a healthy miss A would eat like usual but soon stop once she feels it's already enough, or so she thinks she already full(which means it haven't even reached one full meal). and would unlikely have unnecessary snacks whenever she wanted in excessive amount.
while, when miss A's sick, she's likely not to eat anything. "cannot take it" or so she said.
well, it's the same for me too, that is, when comparing the healthy miss A and my sick self. quite interesting when i could not finish my own meal and am tormented enough just to make sure i finish it. but still, i got my desire to eat. i want to eat but with this throat, it just doesn't allow me too. it was funny when i got myself a pack of yoghurt and sandwich for lunch, and i actually had to force myself eat it until it's clean. if only i were of my healthy self, i believe having only that for lunch could hardly satisfy me. surely, that's not enough.
and the fact is, it's rare i get this sick.
no wonder i'm so fat...............
if only i could always have that kind of appetite, no need of those additional fats... but seriously, i don't want to always be this sick, it's torturing........
sabar itu sebahagian daripada IMAN++
Monday, August 3, 2009
backward chronology
from today backward until the day after my previous post(in short, thisis only a log of what i did)- as to why i didn't post an entry up till now would be because of today's event. so now, it had passed, it felt such a big load off my back. so, blog, i'm back!
3rd august(mon)
-first day of our short sem (freaked out, we're already seriously doing some studying, give me a break!)
-got my result : proudly i'll say, i'm the happiest girl having c+ for chemistry!! as for the rest, not bad
2nd august(sun)
-returned to tbp
-before that, watched public enemies at pavillion (my 1st time stepping in that glamorous premise)
-had lunch at a kaiten sushi restaurant. seriously, u're just tempted to take another plate off the conveyer belt
-at last, first time eating beard papa. not bad, the cream puff. i'm puffed
1st august(sat)
-returned home after having no money in my wallet
-had my lunch at burger king, sg buloh (R&R), tried the new burger. not as good as whopper
-had so much bbqed beef, prawns, squids - all that i love at makan-makan at my cousin's house
31st july(fri)
-went ice-skating for the 1st time: so many falls and bumps, that was just so damn hard for beginner i'd say
-laid down the bed for the rest of the day
-oh, and the saddest news cam to us where we lose 4 friends who can no longer strive together with us with our dream to go to nihon altogether.
-tht's really devastating
30th july(thurs)
-i passed the driving test, yay i got P!
29th july(wed)
-hanged out with assila at klcc
-bought the august issue of B-Pass with flumpool at front~~~ (this one really excited me!!)
-my flumpool frenzy just shoots up and up
28th july(tues)
-didn't even had the chance to see the morning sun, too exhausted to wake up
-returned to tbp with so much chocolates in my baggage
-i really dun like that cashier at petronas kiosk, just why couldn't he picked a better looking touchngo card, i'm purchasing it for rm10 just for some lousy and plain-looking card
27th july(mon)
-my 2nd day at langkawi
-entered mr apandi's class, sorry, couldn't be so useful as a senior. perhaps, i'll return as a better woman one day to come
-i love mr. apandi
-the total i spent at langkawi : above RM300 (on what??)
26th july(sun)
-took my flight at langkawi
-stupid me, didn't remember of the web check-in thingy and left me catching my breath to ensure i was on time
-love cikgu yat
-the form2 student are so adorable, didn't know the math we learned by that level is so damn simple
25th july(sat)
-lazing at home kanaa?
-probably feeding my obsession on drama
24th july(fri)
-last paper of our kimatsu shiken (bunsho hyougen)
-just when i thought i could aim A+, it missed
23rd july(thurs)
-i learnt a lesson the hard way
never ever stayed up on the nite of exam even if u r scared to the spine for the paper. my first experience of having my brain blank, totally all the way. thankfully and gratefully, it turned as what i received today. extremely happy coz i knew what i did on the paper.
pix updated...
3rd august(mon)
-first day of our short sem (freaked out, we're already seriously doing some studying, give me a break!)
-got my result : proudly i'll say, i'm the happiest girl having c+ for chemistry!! as for the rest, not bad
2nd august(sun)
-returned to tbp
-before that, watched public enemies at pavillion (my 1st time stepping in that glamorous premise)
-had lunch at a kaiten sushi restaurant. seriously, u're just tempted to take another plate off the conveyer belt
-at last, first time eating beard papa. not bad, the cream puff. i'm puffed
1st august(sat)
-returned home after having no money in my wallet
-had my lunch at burger king, sg buloh (R&R), tried the new burger. not as good as whopper
-had so much bbqed beef, prawns, squids - all that i love at makan-makan at my cousin's house
31st july(fri)
-went ice-skating for the 1st time: so many falls and bumps, that was just so damn hard for beginner i'd say
-laid down the bed for the rest of the day
-oh, and the saddest news cam to us where we lose 4 friends who can no longer strive together with us with our dream to go to nihon altogether.
-tht's really devastating
30th july(thurs)
-i passed the driving test, yay i got P!
29th july(wed)
-hanged out with assila at klcc
-bought the august issue of B-Pass with flumpool at front~~~ (this one really excited me!!)
-my flumpool frenzy just shoots up and up
28th july(tues)
-didn't even had the chance to see the morning sun, too exhausted to wake up
-returned to tbp with so much chocolates in my baggage
-i really dun like that cashier at petronas kiosk, just why couldn't he picked a better looking touchngo card, i'm purchasing it for rm10 just for some lousy and plain-looking card
27th july(mon)
-my 2nd day at langkawi
-entered mr apandi's class, sorry, couldn't be so useful as a senior. perhaps, i'll return as a better woman one day to come
-i love mr. apandi
-the total i spent at langkawi : above RM300 (on what??)
26th july(sun)
-took my flight at langkawi
-stupid me, didn't remember of the web check-in thingy and left me catching my breath to ensure i was on time
-love cikgu yat
-the form2 student are so adorable, didn't know the math we learned by that level is so damn simple
25th july(sat)
-lazing at home kanaa?
-probably feeding my obsession on drama
24th july(fri)
-last paper of our kimatsu shiken (bunsho hyougen)
-just when i thought i could aim A+, it missed
23rd july(thurs)
-i learnt a lesson the hard way
never ever stayed up on the nite of exam even if u r scared to the spine for the paper. my first experience of having my brain blank, totally all the way. thankfully and gratefully, it turned as what i received today. extremely happy coz i knew what i did on the paper.
pix updated...
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