adult?

the last time i wrote here was nearly 2 months ago. i'm sorry this place was deserted for quite a while already. my mood for writing went  downhill these few months. i also have another journal i keep (which is mostly about my hobby?) but that one also went abandoned for a bit.

as of now, i should be busy with my graduation research thesis. i'll be graduating this march! and it felt like it was only a while ago that i arrived here in Japan, but it's already nearly 2 years i'm here. many things i did, many people i met. (the moment i write the previous sentence, my mind actually thought of 'and many things i didn't do', what an ungrateful person i am).

to reflect on the 2 years i'm here would be too early, i haven't graduated yet after all. so, let's make this entry a reflection post for 2012, the year that has gone by about 22 days ago.

2012 was the year i first entered the lab i belonged to now. the year my blog entries dramatically decreased. the year i read so few books. the year i turned 22. 22??

and it occurred to me that when i was smaller, a person aged 22 seemed so adult to me then. but when i, myself turned 22, it didn't feel as much. as i'm quite a forgetful person, i've already forgotten how it really felt when i was a child, but it would be no exaggeration if i say i sense so little change from who i was then. here i mean mentally, if put it physically, i grew so big now. i'm like peter pan who doesn't want to be an adult, maybe even unconsciously. adult equals a matured person, so this implies that i'm still far from maturing. i don't think i am as responsible, and i barely can hold a commitment. so, that means i'm still a child? not a thing i can entirely deny though.

year 2012 might not be the year i can be so proud of myself with so many failures i did by my own faults. even they being unpleasant, i'm actually afraid i'll end forgetting them as i know there's a lesson in each of them. oh please, learn from them Iman, there's a reason for everything that happens!

with that, i hope year 2013 will results with a better me. hopefully i'll find what i want to do in my life after i prolonged my thinking period by deciding to enter graduate school instead of joining the workforce like some of my friends. i'll be more diligent in jotting down what i did/spend to keep track of my life (and money of course).

the first photo i took when it was snowing the other day, this is the view from the window of my lab