consecutive loss

or this week, i'm really in a deep great remorse
for countless times over, i had lost to the negative side of myelf
i had made a promise, that is to fully concentrate in my studies, starting this second semester..
well, it haven't even lasted or days and i already broke that promise
i wasted lots of my time again on useless stuff
aaahh, i am totally clueless now......

doushiyoukana~~~

things i gotta quickyly overcome :
-the chronic sleeping-during-class disease
-irresistance towards internet temptation
-overeating? oh my, got a lot of open house invitations
-laziness in doing studying stuff
-where's my breakfast??
-too dense a.k.a insensitive...?
-forgetfulness


should i ask for help, sending out s.o.s signal? would anyone even care? or, even if they care (thank god, they still love me), would that brings me out from this abyss?

a lil bit much of hersheys

for a moment, i remembered the hersheys' kisses lamp post i saw a year ago. it was so cute and attractive. it made your ride in the car more enjoyable somehow, by having those delicious kisses in sight. yeah, chocolate does make you feel gooood...

well, as to why i suddenly recollect this memory is because i'm choked full with hersheys chocolates now. i just got back from Langkawi for an official business. hahaha, i'm not fully joking as i was actually invited by my ex-school to attend hari raya celebration there and also to an occasion to specially reward us for our sweatful strive and effort. i was really thankful because it was all worth it. of course i am really proud of my friends who had done all the best and catapulted us to be the best in the past SPM exam. thanks all. although the reward was not that much but it was still meaningful, right?

talking about the occasion, it went all right, i guess. i'm greatfully delighted to see my teachers again. i missed them so much. i mean, if it was not because of them, i couldn't really make it this far. for us the infineighters(name of our batch), out of all the 159 students(those who got straight A's and 1A's) who were invited, about half of that turned up. everyone was so eager. after receiving the little reward, we proceed to have the hari raya feast. well, i would say the best hari raya celebration i ever attended (school level) was when i was in form 4. it was marvellous. so, to compare this one to that one, the idea used were quite the same. they put up stalls which were taken in from outside. so, we have the bazaar-like air. the difference between the two was when i was form 4, the celebration started at night while this one was in the noon. so, the food were not bad, yeah, it was outside food, not the one prepared by 'dewan selera'. whatever it is, the best part of the event was having the opportunity to chat with my ex-teachers and friends of course. sadly, my camera had already had the battery dead by then. if not, i would already snap a lot of pictures with them.

thank god, the battery lasted long enough to take this picture of my homerrom members and advisor. he's still cute as ever.

this picture was taken before the event started. from left, Iza(with me now at Unisel), najwa(f5 student-mashi's pet sis), Mashi(my roommate at mjsc), me

somehow, even when i think everything went okay, i still feel something was not right. i wonder what it is......

nonetheless, i manage to follow my original plan of shopping for chocolates after the event finished. yay, it was really a shopping spree. i spent almost 200 solely on chocolates. well, i still got other chocolates i want to buy but seeing that bill, i knew i had to stop. i already had bags of hersheys and also my favourite merci. i eventually went back after being out for about 4 hours.

so, in the night, i had to go back to KL. my flight was the last flight from Langkawi. i used the remaining hour and half at Kenny Rodgers'. well, i can hardly forget my experience there. it was so funny i would laugh everytime i remember about it. it was my first time being served by a really friendly waiter who actually recommended me to take take-out meal and to eat it in the restaurant itself. not only that, i guess i got drinks (in fact for me and my pal) without extra bills. i paid exactly what it was written on the menu for the meal i ordered that consisted of only spaghetti and a muffin. i guess, i won't forget this unexpected hospitality in near midnight. and i guess, it tells me to go to Langkawi again! yeah, i'm really glad if i have the chance to....

yeah, i would definitely come back, insyaAllah~

Ah! that butler

About months ago, i don't remember clearly when, but it was my first time entering the japanese books section in Kinokuniya KLCC. Naturally, a manga-lover like me would be drawn to the manga racks. i was truly fascinated by the vast amount of mangas which i hopefully soon be able to read. it was like taking a cat to the fish market, i guess. Just imagine how excited i was but only due to the language boundary and a bit of financial instability, i was hindered from indulging in my insatiable obsession. So, while wandering and pondering, among the abundance of colourful glossy covers of variety of mangas, my eyes were hooked on one particular manga. the artwork was really fine and magnificent, just the way i like it. I never heard or read about the manga before, it was my first time seeing it. The title initially made me laugh by my own mistake in reading it. It was 'Kuroshitsuji' (black butler) yet i read it as 'Kurohitsuji' (black sheep). I was euphoric with the idea of having it in my possession and more than that if i were to be able to understand what it was about perfectly. Disappointingly, it was a matter i couldn't overcome at the time. So, i just went away not forgetting the beautiful illustration on the lustrous shiny cover. Besides, the one i saw was volume 2/3, so it was like no point even if i bought it then.


The next time i went to Kinokuniya again, it was quite a long time after the previous visit and I already searched about it on the Net. Wow, it was quite famous and luckily it got some scanlations. Having read a few starting chapters, i was really eager to search for it again. Who would forget the beautiful cover and where it was located. I really hope there was volume 2 in store as the scanlations only went as far as the ending of volume 1. The story was really catchy and i can't wait to read the continuation. I was really fond of the artwork and still am. The butler is so mysterious and you can't help but be amazed and mesmerized by him. The 12-year old master too would attract your attention by his attitude. The funny elements were made complete by the good-for-nothing chef, gardener and maid. It was really a good read. To my disappointment, the only availables ones were vol 3 and 4. I could't get a clue of what happened in the story even if i really wanted it that bad added with the struggling in translating it with my lousy japanese language proficiency. it was not worth the trouble. So, again i had to walk away with such a reluctant heart. [oh yeah, the handsome man in black swallow tail is the butler Sebastian]






so, naturally, when i happened to know today of its new scanlation release, i was full of ecstasy. Not only that, the rumoured anime adaptation has also aired in japan and the fansub for the 1st episode is now out. Expectedly, the anime is quite as good as the manga. The starting plot just follows the storyof the manga yet, at the very beginning of the anime mentions about the contract between Sebastian and Ciel(his 12-year-old master). The animation is quite good. i really mean it because i usually prefer manga version over anime as i think anime alters the beautiful artwork of the original one. Well, for the fighting scenes, i have to wait for at least another episode as the 1st episode doesn't have one at all, just portraying the intelligent mind of Sebastian. Ah, i think i'm starting to infatuate him more and more.[screenshots from episode 1]



more interesting, as the pronounciation is in japanese, sebastian = sebasuchian, ciel = shieru






http://www.kuroshitsuji.tv/

have i repented?

ok, today is the second day after the school reopened after the Raya break... supposedly i had said to myself before not to get drown in the surreal world of my beloved red notebook here but yet again, i'm in front of it now and am greatly excited over a newly-released manga scanlations... hahaha, can;t help it, it's just so like me :P

talking about school, since we had our classes reshuffled, i find myself in the third different class for the science subjects. i used to be in the Y class first, and then Z class and now for the 3rd reshufflement, i'm now in X class. surprisingly, i'm placed in the middle of that silent class. normally, the other classes i've been in before would never be that silent in any time there were people. so, it came to me as a great shock. i feel as if i am the only who makes noise whenever i'm talking. it sort of driving me crazy. but well, it had only been 2 days so i hope i would somehow change in days to come. however, i guess this change might actually benefit by encouraging me to be more hardworking and be less ignorant as before. hopefully.

for the nihongo class, i'm now in 'shizen' class. (shizen=nature) well, i never know if all of its members are natural enough though. but it started well enough. i was in super-sleepy mode less than half an hour only. i tried my best not to close my eyes. ganbarou~!

and for today, i managed to finally make that chocolate pudding i bought weeks ago. incidentally, Kai and friends were preparing for iftar, so i just butted in and make that pudding. even though i was not fasting, i ate together with them. at least, i contributed for the desert, didn't i? hehehe. later, in search for the power adapter of this notebook (i left mine at home), i went to fatin's house which proved to be futile. her notebook is of a different model, so the power adapter does not fit. i can't think of anyone else but the boys' consequently resulting me asking from ikhwan. fortunately, he was kind enough but only after isya'. having time to kill, i did another thing i 'swore' not to do anymore; watching dorama! oh my, i kinda of regretted that but it was really funny. it was binbo danshi (literally means financially poor boy) starring oguri shun. honestly, i've read about it before but got instantly uninterested due to its promo image. it was him wearing newspaper suit. it looks so ugly and inappropriate. it made me think that the story must be not that good. talking about how image influence people's perception. nonetheless, after watching only an episode of it, i was quite hooked and touched by the story. you would initially think of how stupid the main character is but gradually you will notice how that stupidity actually brings out the goods in him. [this is the picture that made me kinda prejudice with it]

a new confrontation

when i'm typing this first sentence, it's sharp 12 a.m of oct 6th, 2008. in less than 8 hours, my class will commence requiring me to hand in the work given to me more than 2 weeks ago. yet, i haven't even written down a single word on that white paper. i've been thinking if i carry on like this, just how much time it need to bring me to my destruction? yes, i got to move on

the reason i write the first entry in this blog is because i think i need somewhere to keep track of what have i done to my trust given to me by the Almighty God-LIFE. well, i have my previous blog but it was halted to my own ignorance. well, people might say tht's just a way of running away. well, not really. i think by using this new channel to express my feelings might be a new and refreshed method in confronting my problems. it's like when you start your life (i dun think it's start, it's just continue or resume) in different place, you ought to think you got to do better than the previous one, right? ok, that explains all.

ok, in retrospective of my life in the past few months, i did pretty bad. honestly. i regret of what i did most of the times. i don't know. ok, recent events: hari raya, ramadhan, special programme, semester break, exam, oh my, wht's before that? see, i couldn't even remember well. i've been afraid of this weak memory of mine. i afraid i did something wrong yet i don't even know it. i afraid i hurt someone else yet i forgot to say sorry. it's not like it's easy to say sorry when i know i'm wrong though. sometimes i use this weakness of mine as an excuse to throw away all that is unpleasant. pretty easy, huh? but it affects me academically as well. what's the use of studying when i can't remember it at the most critical time-exam? well, i just hope my memory gets better and better. i need more A's now to survive. and also to heal the relationships that revolve around me that i feel in need of some remedies. most of all, i afraid i forgot to care those i should as when people no longer care, there's no longer love. even being hated is better than being unconcerned of. at least, there's still attention than being nowhere in the other person's mind.

so, not just because it's eidul fitri, i sincerely hope all of the people who had been offended by me directly or indirectly could forgive this rude and ignorant self. i apologize for all my wrongdoings and also thank all of people who have been so patient with me. you've entered my life and has become part of it. my little world could never be complete without all these people who would not let me feel so lonely. oh, words of love so easily be uttered in movies or novels, touching people hearts, yet to be spoken sincerely is so hard, why? i wonder.....