the angst comes like a storm

plausibly the reason why i barely got to post any entry lately

it's not good to perpetuate such a bad feeling down in writing, right? as the Nac Mac Feegles in my favourite Tiffany Aching series assert, writing lasts for eternity, so its scary. or more accurately, i can't quite put what exactly my feeling is at the moment. they are ceaselessly in turbulence.

at times, i could feel like crying for no relevant reason, but at times i could be extra excited. mood swing?

so, better if i wait until everything calms down and i can think clearly so as to avoid any misunderstanding or whatever mistake i might slip.

so, is this what people call 'teenage angst'? well, i'm still in my teens for a few more months.

Flumpool and Weaver really do serve as a very delightful placebo nevertheless.



i wish i could overcome whatever worry that are haunting my relatively big head. it is just so extremely unsettling. when i thought i should go to the root of the problem, i don't even know what the problem is. am i just having anxiety unnecessarily? or do i actually yearn for somebody to just understand? poor thing i never know how to reach out. even if i send out the SOS signal, i know not what to response when help actually comes. what a troublesome self. urgh, it feels pathetic to realize how pathetic myself is.

breathe in....... breathe out............................ breathe in....... breathe out............................

may i gain inner peace for eternity, amin~

that was a nice one

Hari Raya was.... ok

well, i discovered my dad's photography tools have indeed increased where practically now we can have our own mini studio anywhere.

i'm not exaggerating.

which also means a good thing, coz i yet to take pictures asked by sensei. nevertheless, school won't start until the next 4 days. there's still time, hehehe

so, unlike what i expected, this time my dad didn't take many days off for Raya so by last Monday we were already back home. so, what my bro and i planned was to go raya by ourselves down to Johor. 3 houses cleared!

meeting relatives is a good thing once in a while. it goes without saying though. and another good thing was our journey didn't take that long, thank goodness there wasn't any heavy traffic jam. might be faster if it was my dad's Honda Accord but that's out of question. one more good thing is, travelling in a car without your parents means you can have music of your own choice. as loud as you want.

i'm so glad i didn't forget to bring my Flumpool cd on board! now, that is really money not wasted. i could play it multiple times along the journey. oh, Ryuuta, your voice is really delightful to the ears along with such great music you guys play. kimochi ha todoiteruyo!! and what a nice feeling when you get to brag about artist you love so much to someone new. and he didn't complain which means he do not hate it. yeay!

now, i'm waiting for my copy of Weaver's cd, then i can play it while cruising on the car. i bet he won't say no to this one. their music is just fabulous! even if none of what is said can be understood, music still is enjoyable for anyone, right. but i gotta say, weaver's lyrics are really nice and for someone proficient in nihongo, theirs are pretty easy to catch, and there, you'll be dazed. Kawabe(the lyric writer in Weaver), i really respect you for this. aaa, even now, i'm playing 'Kanseitou' on repeat.


and i ate too much... i'm worried for the medical check up tomorrow. going to Danga Bay again was indeed fun. never though i would ride on that bicycle again, and this altogether with a total of 6 adults!

random

it's still dark out there, i'm writing this on half past 6 in the morning

yesterday, instead of getting my shower in the bathroom, i took mine under the rain

am so excited to get past half of the book i'm reading now. Has-sensei, owari made ganbarimasuyo!

my Weaver fever just ran up so high after discovering a fan community for them
oooh, kawabe, i really want to see you doing live performance in front of my eyes

and making a new friend who's solely responsible for making me so drunk on Weaver

am so so excited to wait for my copy of their album!! aah, the PV of 'Kanseitou' is ever making me more impatient~

and a current update on kazuki's translated blog really made up my morning!

i dunno know for how many times i keep playing Kimi no Todoke video, oh ryuuta, you really make me melt

i just started rereading Maou Juvenile Remix manga. quite surprised to see how fast i can read it now compared to when i bought those nearly half a year ago, yes, go iman!

currently trying to list up the goi that's apparently going to be beneficial for us who's taking JLPT lvl 1 (it's called N1 now?) thanks for those who's cooperating, i appreciate it! and i'm still open for those who's want to offer their help in this too

kinda regret for leaving flumpool fourbond at shah alam. otherwise, i could flail while reading it. haven't read the latter half yet.

just so pissed off with the internet at this house. is what my dad says true that in very near future we're using fibre optic? he says it's the yellow line i can see on the telekom wireline by the road. i want to believe it but i dunno.... please spare me from this so-infuriating-internet speed.

and wimax does not really alleviate my irritation as it only have fast speed for a few days every month before reverting back to its usual snail-pace

which explains why till now i haven't watched Hotaru no Hikari episode 9

oh Buchouu, i miss you~~~~~

facebook recently is getting annoying, what's with all the hype regarding it? and how more people are just tagging hari raya cards instead of personally sending it. even sms are better, at least there's still that personal feeling as in "to ....."

but then, facebook is my second most frequented website.

and i actually found empty hari raya cards while doing spring cleaning the other day. but then i don't know where my mom put those. zannen~

and really happy to receive one all the way from nihon. thanks a lot Aqilah-senpai!! it's beside this notebook now.

am relieved my dad doesn't seem yet to get obsessed of making ketupat for this Raya. or else i have to weave them like usual. well, i don't care if i only have to do 5 of them but when it comes to 50, iya da!!

i dunno why but the Raya mode just hasn't yet dawned on me. oh, is it tomorrow? i'm screwed, haven't packed my bag yet. thankfully we're only going back to johor until sunday.

my brother is bugging (is this the right word in this case?) me as for what we would do next one week we got free coz my dad's working. i just hope my mom won't be in the way of us enjoying this duration as we like.

on this 18th, it's open house at Farah's house, really looking forward to this, please let me go!

and so much of my friends are already leaving Malaysia. it's okay iman, only half a year left......

and oh yeah, after that, definitely i'll go watch Flumpool and Weaver!!! if only they know how they got such a huge fan out here always waiting for the day to watch them live or even to get to know them personally. they're amazing people (at least, in my eyes), that's why. also among the reasons i'm so eager learning nihongo every single day and why i thrived through everyday though engineering in japanese is just so damn tough (sorry, is that foul word?)

when i finish writing this, it's still quite dark outside. when i edited it, it's already (gosh, i forgot what's the antonym for dark!) ok, numerically, it's already 7.

spring cleaning

is what i'm expected to do this holiday.

and as anyone knows, i'm such a person who just don't bother much with cleaning though i don't appreciate my place to be dirty, but i don't see much points in getting myself tired from arranging stuff and so on, in short to be so damn neat. people might say it's all cluttered but as long as i know where my stuffs are, that's enough. urm, can't deny i always forget where i put my belongings-forgetful me.

well, the point here is, the raya holiday has started!!

and it's 2-weeks (yeaaa, for JAD students, u perfectly know why this is such a heavenly thing). and because my dad does not take so much extra days off for this raya, i actually got about a week with nothing to do (but unfortunately only my dad is working for next week which left me and my mom at home, and ammar in this case).

so, what i already has in my head is the following:

-of coz, raya is a time to eat delicious stuffs
-visiting friends' houses that are nearby-i could ask for someone's help in this
-finishing the novel i borrowed from has-sensei (already halfway now :D)
-typing down the kotoba for 1kyuu preparation and gathering as much help to get this project take off
-start working on the math exercises given by ueno-sensei for saitama daigaku written exam

-learn to cook a dish at least??

ok, i should not set my goals too much or it'll only be unaccomplished like how it often did before.


and, no matter how many times i watched flumpool's latest pv, ryuuta never fails to mesmerize me, aaahhh~

君に届けたい～～

the expression by this boy is priceless