confidence zero

well, at least that's what i think of my current state

sometimes i put the blame on experience coz for the very existence of it, we are afraid of things we probably should not, like how it could made us recall of unpleasant memories relating to it.

and i hate that feeling when you want it but left hesitating to take the next step.

but, like people say, experience's the best teacher.

maa ne..

in less than a month or more precisely in only 3 weeks, i'll be facing an interview that's determine my next stage of life. ok, i make it sounds like everything is on stake here, but really somehow it indeed is.

and i'm nowhere near prepared.

from my experience, interview's are not my best moment. but still, on that precarious moment, i am judged. so convenient! hahahaha, i'm purely laughing over myself here.

and from my experience, i can see the old pattern is going on a rerun. yeah, i'm addicted to watching drama again, as expected. searching for the root of the problem, it's not exactly my uncontrolled obsession, it's more of a repulsion towards my true obligation-school. oh yeah, i'm fully informed that people would say school is so delightful, a memory they would cherish forever, but see, it's only valuable when it has become memories. so, should i say keep on striving for the sake i could look back at this memories and smile?

another random stuff but never fail to keep lingering on the space of my mind : i need class on interpersonal skill. oh please, i can't live without other people but then i have no idea how to deal with them or even how to deal with myself. tch.


zenbu umaku ikimasu you ni.

and lastly, more random thing. i'm nearing the end of the second decade of my life, and i just feel like making a wishlist.
-a new watch - the one that has served me for more than 2 years just got broken
-a new wallet
-a drinking bottle -and someone promised to get me one for my birthday :D
-dove chocolates
-getting into the university of my choice
-a proper set of stationeries
-watching flumpool and weaver's concert
-a new version denshijisho
-travelling to US

+some others remain untyped