Impostor Phenomenon

i first discovered the above term when i was reading a blog of a friend of mine.

it's like this:

a phenomenon which is like a tape that plays inside people’s heads.  If you’re an engineering student looking around at your classmates, the tape goes something like this: “These people are good—they understand all this stuff. They really belong here…but I don’t. Over the years I’ve somehow managed to fool them all—my family, my friends, my teachers. They all think I’m smart enough to be here, but I know better…and the very next hard test or hard question I get in class will finally reveal me as the impostor I am.” And what would happen next is too horrible to contemplate, so at that point you just rewind and replay the tape.

well, honestly, i at first thought the tape he meant was cellophane tape kind of tape :P

nevertheless, it knocked me hard when this just seems like the plain truth of what's happening in my shoes now. as the excerpt comes from an article which is sorta advice for engineering students, so it just hits me in the head. hurm, quite a challenge, isn't it? well, the explanation goes further as the following;

What you don’t know is that almost everyone else in the class is playing the same tape, and the student in the front row with the straight A average is playing it louder than anyone else. Furthermore, the tape is usually wrong. If you survived your first year of engineering school, you almost certainly have what it takes to be an engineer. Just remember all your predecessors who had the same self-doubts you have now and did just fine. You do belong here, and you’ll get through it just like they did. Try to relax and enjoy the trip.

and what i'm afraid of at the moment is that, i haven't even finished my 1st year yet. but then, this laziness and ignorance had gone far too high........

yosh, これからもがんばろう！！