turbulent

point 1:

so many things have broken, literally and metaphorically. due to the overwhelming works we have, it has gone past my physical limit and so does my mental limit and i'm still trying my best to strain myself to last each day. too many stuff to cram in my head, my patience has no more to spare. to say honestly, maybe it's not too much, perhaps it's just me who's so stupid to utilise my time. facing that truth, my spirit breaks yet again. the condition of the house which need repairs and has long not mended till now, i'm irritated and no one just cares.

point 2:

to learn and to learn, you've immersed into the deeper world of unknown. to know more means to discover the whole lot bigger counterpart of what you don't know. sometimes i wonder just how oblivious i am, i'm practically the same as knowing nothing. well, people say ignorance is bliss, but isn't it frustrating? so often to be buckled with the sense of insecurity, like at any moment you could just disappear and perish just because you know absolutely nothing. yet to know how the world works, yet to know how to make a mark on this world, yet to know a whole lot of other things.

point 3:

i'm clueless about a species called 'homo sapien'. if only we can check the meter of humans' feeling like in analog meter or digital ones. it's too much a puzzle, figuring it out has become an endless game. i prefer not it can just be read like a book, words are confusing just the same. to reach and connect and to understand is just so damn hard. to sincerely say out loud of what's in the head can hardly be actually done. too afraid, too scared of the plausible unwanted outcome. or is it simply coz i'm just damn selfish? when i thought i'm thinking about others, it's only about me in the end. yeah, the reckless me. never i am the altruist coz i'm a narcissist.



perhaps, i'm being ungrateful, only ungrateful people complain. nonetheless to have so much questions in life is just part of being human, isn't it?

-done spewing out part of what has been held in by far, proceeding to sleep therapy-