kangaesugi kanaa

[another random post revolving the troublesome I]

i only hope that it's me who thinks too much....

honestly i'll say, i'm not really good in interacting with people. or, it's better to say, i'm much concerned with what others are thinking. but often i would doubt whether i should really be that concerned or not.

in short, i'm bothered.

i can hardly know if what i do is appropriate or not, or would it bother others. this might be selfish of me to think only of myself but isn't that what anyone would be concerned of?

okay, given an instance where i'm annoyed or irritated with this particular person, and started to develop a kind of hostility towards that person for that cause. but then, i think, if i can be this annoyed, have i ever make others annoyed too in any way and make them feel such unpleasantness too? because i know how revolting that feeling is, does that other person feel the same towards me too? that's bad, isn't it? what more if all that happens without me even having a clue at all. and because humans are mostly pretentious, they just put up with me while keeping their abhorrance inside. certainly, that's not how i like it.

people say 'love yourself' but more often than not, i find myself doing the opposite. again, i know this is indeed not a good thing, but it just happens.

because being honest is just so hard, i guess

what am i really getting at?

just mumblings of some lost girl who doesn't really know how to express what trapped up inside.

i guesss expecting others to understand yourself while having trouble in understanding own self is just impossible.