subject of curiosity

so, it has been in my mind for a while.

number 1, this phrase:

'teman tapi mesra'

literally translated, 'companion, but intimate' (i don't know where's the need for me to translate this though, just that i'm writing in english, just let it be)

most probably it lies on how you define each word, but as weird as it is, is there anyone who have a companion but is not intimate? this is oxymoron. if some suspicious affair is to be pointed out, shouldn't it be like 'overly intimate companions', well you are free to think of anything then.


number 2, this still remains a mystery to me, typhoon no.17-Jelawat, who named it and how was it named that way, is it what i think it is, a fish?


number 3, why the hell when i'm writing in the internet, like in email, blogger or livejournal, there's no grammar check? like when i'm writing this, the first letter should be capital letter, and yes, i, can you please automatically turn that into capital letter. i am annoyed looking at it.

number 4, since when the domain of this blog has become .jp ?


by the way, how to erase that feeling of irritation whenever you spot any grammar mistakes when you read something? it's like i'm being made a fool of for studying grammar in school while people actually don't care. sometimes it irks me out even when reading my own writing, even something simple as wrong subject-verb agreement-this is the one i'm prone to the most. short form of a word is still understandable, but spelling mistake is another.

enough of me babbling for today, just suddenly my mood is back for blogging. (actually there were some drafts i wrote during months of my inactivity here, but they unfortunately remain as drafts)

1st day of final semester?

now i'm  in the mood of writing, i'll just continue.

yesterday was October 1st, when i'm typing this it's around 1am, so that was only like an hour ago? well, in my university calendar, it's the start of Semester 2 for 2012-2013 school year. somehow it feels different this time around.

first of all, after my retreat back at home, i immediately returned to the lab in early September and we were quite toiled (is this really for my case?) for Chuukan Happyou, a presentation on our research we were required to do as half of our 4th year has passed. so basically i was at school almost everyday because of that when everyone else were enjoying their summer holiday. the school was always empty, spare for some people especially with researches.

so today, when i went to school, actually today (i'm talking about yesterday) was unusual that i went really early as i misheard my sensei, i thought we would have meeting on that morning, it was a fine morning after the storm that hit kanto the previous day, the sky was so blue void of clouds. and then i witnessed a number of people in the school ground, with cheery atmosphere, well girls in short skirts looking cute and such. last time i bumped into a friend in school before the presentation, he was seriously lacking sleep, imagine a black atmosphere.

"Oh, today school starts!"

it took me a while to get used having a lot of people especially during lunch hours, it used to be quiet when i took the route at the main road in the campus, now it's bustling with people everywhere. but yeah, once i entered our building, things remain the same, gloomy and dark. entered my lab as usual but other members barely came. it came to my knowledge that today most companies hold their ceremonies for accepted employees, that may hold true for some in my lab. i did what i usually have to do, some checks on my research subject-the tomato, and then i got so much time to spare. i scanned through the application forms for scholarships i collected and noticed that one of them which deadline was on this very day!

i couldn't prepare for that in that instant! so i chose to read my manga instead. lucky there was Kindaichi manga that i bought but haven't read. actually it's a reissue for the one long ago, i couldn't remember much anyway, so it was like reading a new one. so i read and continued reading, seeing my lab members came and go. my professor came in and i told them that actually typhoon no.17 actually has a name-Jelawat which origin remains a subject of curiosity. he even invited us to attend his class which i happily don't take, i have my credits enough already, i'm free the whole semester except for my main obligation, that is my research. it was before noon when it struck me, maybe i could make it, filling in the forms and writing the things required. there were two essays we had to write in japanese, the reason i thought it was impossible for me. yet, my impulse said i should. to hand it in less than 5 hours when the form is as clean of any ink drop seemed like an intriguing idea. i did it anyway, sense of accomplishment washed over me at the end of the day

i gotta say, reading manga facilitated my brain in thinking in japanese, it was not as difficult as i thought. and recently when i resumed reading the short stories by Isaka Kotaro, that helps too. i recommend reading his works, they're interesting and easy to read. some examples of how interesting they are, movie adaptations from his work are real jewels. that was exactly how i got to be a fan of his, my favourite would be 'Ahiru to Kamo no Coin Locker'. i should read more now i find i have free time in between my tasks in lab. but yeah, being internet attached does not help at all. leaving my blog deserted and doing unsubstantial stuff most of the time. our generation is wrecked in a way.

so, my renewed resolution is doing more reading. maybe i should specify what is 'more', there should be a goal i can accomplish. i failed quite heavily the last half year, i didn't even get past one book! this is embarrassing, i'm turning 22 soon and i got a feeling my intellectual aspect has gone backwards, i won't allow that to happen.

i will read, i will write. i will speak. i will improve.




i will do my research properly ;D

btw, i cooked my own dinner the day before yesterday! that's a big achievement. well, naturally it became my dinner the next day, and probably lunch for another day though ~.~

where my money has gone wasted

and here i am wanting to write an entry even with another draft unposted.

but, this is among random things i'm thinking rather than account of events like usual post

so, yeah, let's go to the bulleted list

well, those that are wasted for practically nothing:

• attempted to start using softener when doing laundry, only to realize i've been using some really nice-fragrant DETERGENT as softener. so that was double dose for each laundry i've done in the last few months
• instead of cycling to the train station which costs nothing, i took the bus and then remembered that i forgot something at home, so another bus trip to return home and eventually decided to cycle to the station
• bought a pair ticket for an event wishing someone would be my company, but no one was available and went alone in the end
• took instant photo at the photo booth, inserted 1000yen bill and  forgot to take the 300yen change
• bought a cup of pudding as a reward for myself and put it in the refrigerator in lab to be eaten later but forget all about it
• once i went all the way to yokohama to have fun, said goodbye when it's late night. on the way return, i was supposed to change train at shibuya, but i already missed the last train to saitama, ended up going back to yokohama direction just in time for the last train and spent the night at a friend's.
• i think i already bought 2 cords to connect my macbook to my TV but none of them actually works
• having to buy umbrella each time rain pours when i forgot to bring mine in the first hand
• some pieces of clothes i thought i would wear but in the end i just don't
• a pair of really nice looking leather boots, but turned out to be pigskin
• i think i bought souvenirs more than needed, they ended up in my storage
• honestly i kinda regretted i chose to go to my lab's gasshuku this year where i didn't even enjoy
• sometimes food that i bought and then stored in the fridge/freezer ended up in garbage after a while passed
• once i foolishly bought an app in iPhone but then it proved to be useless and i deleted it on that very day
• having to pay redelivery fee for a package after i forgot to update my latest address in their system, and it happened not even once

and those that are guilty pleasures:

• trips to baskin robbins even on non-discount days. to have it in my proximity makes it irresistibly tempting
• frequent purchase of bar chocolates especially when the mood escalates
• being a member of a paid fanclub of a group i really like
• constant purchase of CDs and DVDs, even those including the live performances i actually went to
• yeah, those live performances and the goods that come with them (but they're worth it!)
• i actually have quite a number of bags in my possession
• buying manga that i actually have read

they amount to a big chunk of my expenditure. no wonder it makes me not so happy each time i check my bank account. hopefully nothing of these sort will happen again.

hopefully....

Waltz

random post. a song i got hooked to lately. 

summer 2012

not really in a moment where i should post an entry.

but yeah, exactly during this kind of time that you'd end up doing something else. maybe for distraction.

so, after months of zero entry, i'd just like to update some stuff

for this year, i celebrate Eid back at home. i was fortunate enough to get a flight that touched down on the very first morning of Syawal.

so, i totally skipped my lab for 2 weeks (usually i slack off to, but i do the least by showing my face even for a while)

the first week for Eid celebration itself, where my family returned to my mom n dad's hometowns for several days.

i got the chance to visit some friends as well. and to be surprised to know one of them is already a mother!

and the second week is for my retreat, where i suppose i can enjoy being in Malaysia, eating various delicacies.

my friend, Aya also came to Malaysia and i showed her around though i doubt i was a great host.

as i'm not exactly in the full gear for writing, i'll just throw in some pixelated proofs.

so bad i didn't get to eat some particular food that i wish like putu piring, kuih tepung pelita, tapai ubi and more.



and now summer is over?

the reunion, the walk

this week's Saturday was a happy one. finally i got to meet one of my teachers who used to teach me nihongo back when i was still in JAD program. Onuma-sensei finally is settled down in nihon after being in malaysia for about 6 years and taking this chance, we arranged to have lunch together. it was something i decided back then that i'd love to have sushi, so sushi we would have!

after asking around, i managed to gather Hidayah and Azizul for the reunion, others seem to be busy with stuff of their own. so, we agreed to meet at Kanda station. that was my first time stepping there. thankfully, i require no transit if i take the train from Kitaurawa, the 2nd closest station from my house. though we arranged to meet at 12, it was early of me to depart from home a bit after 10, even idly riding the bicycle to the station only took me around an hour from my house to the destination. well, azizul came a bit early too, as well as Hidayah who got to the different entrance. as expected sensei arrived punctually on time.

wasting no time at all, sensei took us the sushi place he already had in mind located near the station. it's a small place, yet quite renowned. it only has seats at the counter, and people were already filling the place at the time. we were lucky we didn't have to wait much. it's different to the usual sushi place with conveyer belt i sometimes go. we ordered the same sushi set, the one i pointed one that has anago-my favorite. as it lived up to its reputation, the sushi were not disappointing at all. and i challenged 'uni' for the first time. i don't hate it. and anago, anago is just, gooood~~~ i guess i just love sushi, well, even though after a few pieces i would start dividing the rice part, and only eat half of it :P

as a result, we were pretty much stuffed. really stuffed. Kanda is like an old town, the rows of shops were pretty much aged. with full stomachs, we decided it'll be good to take a walk around this old town and let the food goes down. at first, sensei were thinking it would be good to have a map guiding our way, so we stopped by a book store. there is actually a map book of old tokyo, so you can imagine how it was in the old times as you walk. and lots of other guides too, japanese do love guidebooks, for simply anything. in the end, we decided we would just randomly take our walk with our instincts.

from Kanda, we were to walk towards Ginza, i was not sure what the reason might be, but it's a nice place to walk around after all, the buildings are beautiful. even at Kanda, we made pretty much a roundabout trip, crossing through the backstreets which line most shops i would never know they would be there. the weather was really nice too, though i felt it's getting hotter no different to malaysia at the moment, but still bearable. the pleasant breeze helps to make it better. we walked past the nihonbashi, under it there are few peculiar statues, like a dragon that seems to be breed of the eastern and western dragon mixed. there also seem a service where you can ride the boat to tour the river? must be one of tourist attractions they come up with.

heat got the better of us and we were thinking of cooler place to take shelter, and we were walking right about the Bank of Japan, where we unexpectedly came to an exhibition on money, with free admission! with no hesitation, we went straight in. it was really an interesting exhibition. it shows the history of money and the chronicle of the money evolution, especially in japan. they have the real pieces of what used to be the currency used in old japan. well, the description were mostly in japanese, i tend to skip them, but simply looking at the display were enough to amuse me. like how we could be silly to think how the shape of some of them resembles animal dung. and coins used to have holes so they can tie it up in ropes, and imagining someone would put that on their neck as they walk through town is amusing too. and some of the money were so big, not to mention heavy, you would wonder how exactly they carry those around. but, the display that caught most of Dayah's and my attention was the one which you can choose which country's money you want to see. they have it in racks and the rack number you input would come into display. so funny that both of us didn't notice the legend that were in english just next to one in katakana that we were struggling to read. just when we were about finished touring the place, suddenly the place were full of people, mostly having notebook at hands and were taking memo, was it normally like that or are having tasks of some sort was beyond us.

after we were done with the exhibition, we continued our walk. we just walked and walked, we passed through shops with specialty of a select prefectures in japan, like niigata, nara and others. there are even shops specialized in seaweeds, and bonito flakes. very interesting indeed. just why never i knew of these places, these are supposed to be the highlighted tourist shopping spot, i only knew asakusa or ueno to mention. we also passed a shop with interior stuff, and stopped a while admiring the displayed merchandises like the lights that cost about a year of my room rent. indeed they are beautiful but i doubt only a handful of people can actually appreciate that in the comfort of their own home. by the time we walked ahead, our throats got a bit dry. there were a lot of cafes so we entered the one we just happened to pass at the moment. rather than to say we took a little breather, we ended lounging there for quite long. as compared to when we were in the sushi place where we were sitting in a row, it was more pleasant to share the table with us facing each other. such a long chat we had, just keeping up with the times we haven't been in contact. sensei seems to be doing fine too it's really nice to hear. and yeah, we talked and talked. i didn't even realize we've spent hours together.

eventually, we didn't even reach Ginza as we thought we would, nevertheless it was a fulfilling day spent. i love taking walks like this, especially when you have companions to make it ever more fun. i really gotta thank Onuma-sensei and Dayah n Azizul for making it a fun day. Onuma-sensei is a sensei i can hardly forget, i wish him all the happiness. i really hope we could meet again.

being overdramatic?

recently it has been itching me to write down here, but each time i'll be stopped before i could write anything. it's because i thought, does it worth it to have whatever i think being displayed? though i treat this place as a vent for what's fleeting and compressed inside me, it might be my temporary anger or emotional imbalances that could lead me to let out something i should not.

one of the status updates i see in the newsfeed in Facebook:

menulis dan berkata-kata ibarat berbogel. kita memperlihatkan setiap satu yang berada di dalam diri kita. 

-Radzi Ray Rahman-

or maybe what i fear most is to be simply seen by others.

yet i yearn for people to understand me. to accept me. to not let me feel i'm alone and helpless. to be my company.

Recently it finally occurred to me that actually i've been taking it for granted that i've been indeed in a blessed environment. Even the first year of me being here was something i should be so grateful of. it's an utter truism that one will only realize how precious a thing is once it's gone. as far as i've lived until now, it has always been that way, to have people around where i can keep being spoiled. now, after i got a few major changes in my environment, it really gave me a hard knock. and i'm now doing what i can to pull through. it makes clear of the shortcomings i possess that i've been trying to ignore until now. an averse reality i always tried not to confront.

well, that does give me a lesson in life. experience is undoubtedly a very great teacher.


but ah, i hate people being ambiguous, yet i'm doing exactly that now. how much more i'll contradict myself?




i don't know whether this song relates to this post or not, but the melancholic melody does fit my mood at the moment

...僕らはきっと今日も年老いてゆく
増えすぎた自信に疑心
『捨ててしまえ』置いた荷物
軽くならず胸いっぱいだよ..

lab

alhamdullilah i made it into the final year safely.

and i'm gonna start the graduation research from now on. after doing a lot of thinking, i got into material engineering lab. immediately we're assigned to our own respective research themes.

i'll be growing tomato plant.

that sounds totally out of place, i know. okay, to clear all confusions, my research would be developing the most suitable sensor to detect cavitations in xylems, something undesired in plants i suppose.

so, sensor it'll be. oscilloscopes that i'm yet to be good at handling apparently is the main tool. at first, i was like "oh no", but what use it'll be if i keep avoiding all things i don't like. inevitably one day i have to get over it no matter what, so better be now.

honestly, at this very beginning i don't have a clue as to what i'm supposed to do. hopefully it'll turn better soon. let's start with reading prior research thesis done by other people.

this would be something like japanese practice in the same time. 

talking about japanese, i just learnt a term commonly used (by young people?) to describe something equivalent to what we sometimes use "killer" as in 'killer subject'. in japanese, they use the word "burakku"/black. so, a lab that really is tough is described as "burakku". 

"burakku no tokoro ni itta"

of course, when i first heard that, i couldn't even get a clue.

japanese's unique or quite different use of english words never ceases to amaze me.

like buffet is called baikingu/(viking?). or konpa/(shortened from companion i think) for social events like having dinner together in a group of people or drinking party in some cases.

now i look forward to more stuff to come. 全部うまく行きますように！

sakura in my school are so beautiful, now they already start to fall off, the ground is covered with the petals